Here’s horrible but also quite nice in certain ways Hollywood star Megan Fox. She’s using a mobile phone in the bath. This film was broadcast during the Superbowl last night, as a public safety announcement about what not to do with your expensive new mobile phone.

Hopefully there’s a racier European edit of the advert, in which she films herself soaping up using the Devour’s 3megapixel camera sensor.

There was a story attached to these. It went something like “Hello, it’s GigerPunk AGAIN. I got my friend, who’s a professional photographer, to take some ridiculously high-res photos of some batteries with his fancy camera”.

The end result is ten 4.3MB photos of a varied selection of batteries (CAUTION: Contains rechargeables), weighing in at 3888 x 2592 and taken by a Canon EOS 40D. Some of the focus work is superb.

They took quite a long time to upload. While this one was uploading we made a cup of tea.

While this one was uploading we went outside and fed the chickens, not that it’s worth feeding the chickens given the number of eggs they lay – ZERO.

While this one was uploading we paced anxiously around the kitchen, worrying about what’s for dinner tonight. We had the sausages yesterday so… god knows. Will probably have to go to the shop and get more sausages later.

While this one was uploading we browsed the Sony Ericsson press extranet. Which, in hindsight, only served to make the upload even slower.

While this one was uploading we made a cup of coffee with two teaspoons of coffee, as doing nothing on the internet all day is more fun with lots of coffee inside you.

While this one was uploading we bought a bit more credit on Newzbin, to allow the prompt downloading of the new episodes of Lost in HD.

Not sure what we did while this one was uploading.

While this one was uploading we tutted and sighed at some of the rubbish things people email to us, expecting us to get excited about.

And while this one was uploading we compiled this list of what we did while the others uploaded.

It took about 20 minutes in total.

Congratulations to the LG-LD100-U1, which successfully completed a width without resorting to armbands or a float. It is the first touchscreen device in its category to have officially earned itself a swimming award.

She’s made a terrible mess of those screens. She needs to whip them all out of screen saver mode, pronto. How can she idly sit there while all three go blank?

Welcome to Huge Cheques.com! Every day we shall be scouring the internet for the very finest in photographs that feature those amazing HUGE CHEQUES!

To start things off, here’s a winning “LG Entertainer”, receiving her HUGE CHEQUE for 1,000,000 baht.

We estimate that cheque to be 160cm x 40cm – it certainly is a HUGE CHEQUE!

Yes, we still have so little to do that receiving an email from Apple about its new Valentine Day promotions is exciting, just in case there’s a new Specialist.

And today, there is.

Looks a bit rough. Doubt they’ll let this one meet customers at the ‘Genius Bar’. He looks like a backstage box-shifter. “Take this lady’s MacBook out to the car, please, Dave”.

The enormous folder of images we stole off Motorola’s press site when it was stupid enough to believe the lies we told about being proper journalists continues to deliver the goods, with this – the Motorola Changeabout.

How we love those fantastic diagrams of a lady being impressed by a man’s choice of music. That is not what the wife looks like when we insist on playing ‘Full On Mask Hysteria’ or Destroyer.net to help pass the morning.

It only really plays in two places, then, as we’re still not a world of boat owners.

Here we join Lin-Yan and Soo-Lin from South Korea, in the third round of the Synchronised Pairs. They’ve opted for the 6.0-rated Eastern Cross, a hard move that relies on both girls to maintain both horizontal and vertical alignment, while also ensuring no screensavers kick in.

Looking good… just need to hold it in position for the regulation ten seconds…

BUT OH NO IT’S ALL GONE! It’s all gone. They’ve crashed out of synch. This is a disaster. A DISASTER for the Korean pair! It was all looking so promising, then, quick as you like, all four phones tumbled wildly out of alignment. The team manager won’t be ‘cross’, he’ll be LIVID!

Last night’s iPad launch was the finest episode of APPLE PRETENDS TO INVENT yet. It was the blockbuster, feature-length season finale of APPLE PRETENDS TO INVENT, in which Apple pulled out all the stops and pretended to invent… pretty much everything.

Including but not limited to:

- The Internet

- Web pages

- Video games

- Laptop computers

- Books

- Magazines

- Online video

It was incredible seeing Steve Jobs sitting there with his iPad, saying “It’s amazing being able to sit here and access the internet!” in a really enthusiastic voice, like he was mainly trying to convince himself or like he’d completely missed out on ever seeing a laptop or modern mobile phone.

And still no multitasking? People use laptops all the time nowadays, Steve, even women do this with EASE, with MSN, Twitter clients, web pages, MP3 players, streaming music services and the like all open at once – if the iPad can’t do that, it’s even more of a step backwards than most Apple products.

And remember this? No. Exactly. Seeing experienced tech people saying iPad is a “game changer” today is a bit cringeworthy. It’s a hobbled laptop, or a phone too big to bother taking outside. At least it’s not $1999.

Had one of these. We’re quite bored of having to ironically pretend everything we had as a child was good, but Bigtrak WAS good. Especially after the subsequent Christmas when we got the trailer attachment.

It got left out in the garden and went haywire, refusing to obey commands, so had to be smashed up and buried. According to Pocket-Lint, Biggie will be back this summer, for 30 quid.

Look at it. Look at how quirky it is. Nothing says “I’m a bit quirky, I am” more than buying a mass produced product from a major international corporation.

Plus that orange one will be discounted to half its RRP inside a month, bringing it well within our price bracket.