Five hours staring at him. This is why the train companies make all their profits from selling six cans of Stella Artois to each passenger.

“Here’s a Static Object With Face for you, recently observed on one of those Virgin pendolino (a word which always makes me think of a ballsack) trains to London. Not positive what it is, but I’m going for a slightly wonky and ambivalent magazine rack. I would even go so far as to suggest that it’s a manga-style cute vampire magazine rack, what with the little round fangs and the angsty self-harm scratch marks down his eye. And the fact that he looks like he’s shitting himself a bit at being stuck next to the emergency light. He also looks like Alien Hominid from a distance, but not so much up close” – Mr L.