Rebels we are!

Gigerpunk – Yes, Jetfire drew the only smiles the film got from me. Also when he fires some missles backwards in error and says “bollocks” in a very un-American way. I haven’t checked this (so someone will probably tell me if I’m right or not soon), but I think he’s voiced by Simon Pegg; this is because he sounds exactly like Buck in Ice Age 3, who is voiced by Simon Pegg. I’m not going to check, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

This is how one has fun with the internet these days. By not looking things up. It’s good because you can do it even without an internet connection at home.

badben: thanks, I’ll just go and look up the “stradles a Harley” bit.

For some reason, he transforms from a plane into a robot with a walking stick. Wonder what part of him the walking stick was when he was younger and didn’t need it. (I know, I shouldn’t try to find sense where there is none.)

1 good line in the whole film –
Jetfire: My ancestors have been here for centuries! My father, why, he was a wheel! The FIRST wheel! Do you know what he tranformed into? NOTHING! But he did it with honour! DIGNITY, damn it!

There, now you have absolutely no reason to watch it now (either, in fact), as that’s the best bit in either of the films.

They’re quite nasty, and I just don’t get why they are like they are. They are clearly only of any interest to young boys of about 7 who are into the toys (like my son), but Micheal Bay clearly thinks that these same 7 uear old boys need subjecting to constant, grubby sexual innuendo. I watched them to see what parts I could show to my son…

First film review: Mainly OK for a 7 year old with some judicial skipping, but only because youngsters miss most of the dialogue. Contains one astonishingly misjudged, offensive, ‘why oh why the fuck did that need to make the final edit’ scene of depressingly mainstream racism and mysogeny when a black car salesman calls his mum a bitch and threatens to hit her with a rock or something. Unbelievably unnecessary.

Second film review: The focus groups must’ve said the best thing about the first was the grubby sexual innuendo. It’s times 10 here; everyone says ‘shit’ as often as possible. Ms. Fox, apparently after having happened to oil herself, straddles a Harley in microscopic hotpants, undresses a bit, says ‘shit’ a bit. A pretty young student turns out to be an evil robot and extends a mechanical tail our of the smallest part of the gusset of her underwear. Presumably it’s a stabby robot tenticle that extends from her minge. Nice, very ’12A’. The hero’s mum shouts ‘humorous’ swear words constantly and has a hilarious canabis related mishap. I could only let the lad watch the action scenes from this one, these amount to about 2 hours of incomrehensible, blurry, deafening can’t-see-whatthefucks-happening nonsense where racially stereotyped metal dingbats budgeon each other. It’s heavy going.

Ir’s my own fault for caving in to pester power, I know. But damn – these are horribly concieved films.