The Apple Store “Genius” job description
The Apple “Genius” job description is online here, if you live within commuting distance of Newcastle and like the idea of a job where you show endless idiots how to listen to MP3s on a telephone.
Apple
Full Time, Permanent Newcastle, TT
Installation/Maintenance/RepairGenius, Apple Store
You’re fascinated by the way things work and the reasons they sometimes don’t. You sometimes rearrange your computer setup just for fun. You were the kind of kid who took things apart just to put them back together (correctly). If this sounds like you, you’re our kind of Genius. You’re here not only to help fix equipment, but to restore positive customer relationships with free technical advice and timely repairs.
A candidate we’ll love:
You provide white-glove treatment to customers.
You enjoy meeting people and building relationship with customers.
Your friends and family see you as an absolute technical guru.
You have some background in tech support or customer service.
You have a burning desire to solve problems.
You can communicate technical concepts in layman’s terms.
You have a sense of urgency—but also the ability to keep your cool.
You share a passion for technology and Apple products.A position you’ll love:
Solving problems—things happen and you’re there to fix them.
Providing frontline customer support at the Genius Bar, including hardware and software troubleshooting and diagnosis.
Troubleshooting and repairing Apple hardware and software.
Juggling customer and product issues with a genuine sense of urgency.
Turning around repairs to customers as quickly as possible.
Being one of the go-to people for technical knowledge in the store.
Having passion about customer service and a commitment to exceeding expectations.The ideal opportunity to use what you know:
A job at an Apple Retail Store is a chance to use your hands and heart. To use your knowledge and experience. To contribute meaningfully to people’s lives with your technical know-how.
To delight. Enrich. Impress. Engage. Inspire.
Are you ready to join the retail revolution?
We’re not looking for a job, by the way. We’re perfectly happy being in charge of this listing kingdom.
filed in APPLE SPECIALISTS on Jun.02, 2010
June 2nd, 2010 on 11:00 am
Doesn’t sound all that bad, but I don’t think there are “technical gurus” with friends.
3rd paragraph from the bottom: Replace “heart” with “cock”, then we have a winner.
June 2nd, 2010 on 11:14 am
Why an earth would you need to “troubleshoot and repair” something that “just works”?
“White Glove Treatment”?
“Genius”?
“Cunts”.
June 2nd, 2010 on 11:28 am
Could be worse – could be a “Windows Guru”
http://i45.tinypic.com/drf5mg.jpg
Fucking PC World.
June 2nd, 2010 on 11:41 am
Fat fuck with “lanyard” and too much “product”.
You couldn’t make it up.
June 2nd, 2010 on 11:44 am
“You enjoy meeting people and building relationship with customers.”
No. In fact the opposite of that.
“You have some background in tech support or customer service.”
Does posting on the GameFaqs PC board count?
“You have a burning desire to solve problems.”
Yes, but the knowledge it may help Apple assuages this burning desire something terrific.
“You can communicate technical concepts in layman’s terms.”
Yes, but I make my contempt clear with my condescending tone.
June 2nd, 2010 on 12:15 pm
Urgh.
I think, like most others loitering round here, I’m fine on the technical side of it, but not so hot on the ‘white glove’ treatment.
And like Buffy Minton’s comment, I’d just be confused (and irritated) trying to explain to someone that they need antivirus software when, as any fule kno, mac’s don’t get viruses, do they?
Anyway, like I said, Urgh.
June 2nd, 2010 on 2:38 pm
“You sometimes rearrange your computer setup just for fun.”
What’s there to rearrange, tinker and tamper with Apple products? Are they looking for PC folks to work for them?
June 2nd, 2010 on 3:05 pm
Well, you could put the mouse on the left of your keyboard, rather than the right?
Or is that advanced techniques I’m getting into there?
June 2nd, 2010 on 3:20 pm
By rearrange your computer setup, they must mean move some icons around the desktop and change the wallpaper.
All this cultish enthusiasm makes me feel sick and I’d like to know who thinks they have what it takes “to delight and enrich…”
June 2nd, 2010 on 4:07 pm
Are there really potential Apple customers in Newcastle?
I always thought of Geordies as being a savvy bunch.
Oh well. Times change.
June 2nd, 2010 on 4:40 pm
That polo neck wearing twat has just recently made some statement about how the PC is now “dead” and will be replaced with “tablets”, whatever that means. So I quickly rushed to the comments section of The Times and only had to go down two pages before I found some twat who wrote a comment which finished with “and this was typed on my Macbook Air!!” – as if that was some indicator of just how good Apple products are – you can type things and send them!
Is it OK if I say CUNTS again?
And I’m typing this on my Toshiba something or other!!!!!
June 2nd, 2010 on 4:42 pm
“…and a commitment to exceeding expectations.”
As in,
-I didn’t expect you to follow us home.
-I didn’t expect you to install spyware on my computer.
-I didn’t expect you to hack my Facebook account.
It’s all about exceeding the limits people think you will stop at. Silly morality.
June 2nd, 2010 on 6:32 pm
I have a burning desire to tell people in Apple shops to buy a cheap PC and to put Ubuntu on it. This probably makes me as a big cunt as an “Apple Genius” but I don’t care. To get paid for doing that (until I got fired) would be great! Sign me up!
June 2nd, 2010 on 6:34 pm
“as big a cunt” even. If that even makes grammatical sense, anyway.
June 2nd, 2010 on 7:29 pm
I typed this on a keyboard.
June 2nd, 2010 on 9:09 pm
My mouse is always on the left side for I am both sinister and gauche. Which is about right.
July 26th, 2010 on 1:07 am
The pay is bloody good though considering all you do is reset iPods 90% of the time. I know a genius that’s on 29k. Jesus.