There was a story attached to these. It went something like “Hello, it’s GigerPunk AGAIN. I got my friend, who’s a professional photographer, to take some ridiculously high-res photos of some batteries with his fancy camera”.

The end result is ten 4.3MB photos of a varied selection of batteries (CAUTION: Contains rechargeables), weighing in at 3888 x 2592 and taken by a Canon EOS 40D. Some of the focus work is superb.

They took quite a long time to upload. While this one was uploading we made a cup of tea.

While this one was uploading we went outside and fed the chickens, not that it’s worth feeding the chickens given the number of eggs they lay – ZERO.

While this one was uploading we paced anxiously around the kitchen, worrying about what’s for dinner tonight. We had the sausages yesterday so… god knows. Will probably have to go to the shop and get more sausages later.

While this one was uploading we browsed the Sony Ericsson press extranet. Which, in hindsight, only served to make the upload even slower.

While this one was uploading we made a cup of coffee with two teaspoons of coffee, as doing nothing on the internet all day is more fun with lots of coffee inside you.

While this one was uploading we bought a bit more credit on Newzbin, to allow the prompt downloading of the new episodes of Lost in HD.

Not sure what we did while this one was uploading.

While this one was uploading we tutted and sighed at some of the rubbish things people email to us, expecting us to get excited about.

And while this one was uploading we compiled this list of what we did while the others uploaded.

It took about 20 minutes in total.

PHOTONPUMP! Although, seeing as it’s only an alkaline, it’s actually going to slowly push a few photons around before giving up.

Sent in by “Bungle” who has FAILED to capture this battery at the sort of quality it deserves.

Extremely high-resolution shots, taken using a Nintendo Wii as a base/backing to create a superb whiteout effect. Finally, someone outside of Nintendo has found a use for the console.

“Here’s some boring battery pictures for you. The two new, white TIP branded ones didn’t like their older brother too much it seems” – kshade.

Thanks, “Kshade”. For future reference, we prefer to receive one sentence of text per photograph, makes things easier this end.

Now look what we’ve got to do.

We’ve got to type “blah blah batteries” another eight times.

It also doesn’t help that so many of the shots are rather similar. The artist is clearly grasping for inspiration.

And if there’s one thing we recognise, it’s a man grasping for inspiration.

We can smell grasping for inspiration. Taste it in the wind. Hear it breathing in the night.

So thanks, kshade. Thanks for giving us yet another reason to stare at a screen trying to think of something to say that other people might like.

Ought to go to South Korea. They must have a clinic that could help.

END.

Some extraordinarily high resolution “McNair” batteries for you, which weigh in at an impressive 4000 x 3000 resolution – a resolution made all the more impressive by the EXIF data revealing they were taken using a mainstream consumer handbag oriented Canon IXUS 100 IS.

“Having lurked around the site for a while I have been feverishly keeping my eye out for some batteries which I haven’t seen on your site before. Here they are. Dunno if they are exciting enough. You can decide.”

“Used the highest res I could on little Canon and also included the rechargeables for a bit more excitement. They came bundled with a cheap wireless keyboard and mouse kit.”

“Nice Scotch (*snigger*) name for Chinese battery I thought. I’ll send over several emails so they don’t bounce. Keep up the good work” – Zim.

Sorry about not keeping up the good work, Zim. We can only assume you initially wrote this email in early 2006 before the “work” around here turned to “shit”.

A sensational set, featuring with flash and without flash variants, in situ shots, rare 9v action (connected and disconnected) and exciting images of the Duracell brand extension.

Phew.

“Two naughty PP3 ‘Golden Power’ batteries and a couple of AA SKYSUNs (Extra Heavy Duty), found in 3 multimeters.”

“Also, a couple of newer Duracell Powrcell batteries that have now replaced the Skysuns.”

“Sorry picture quality’s not great, left my camera at home so had to
rely on a borrowed Nokia E75. Not too bad actually, for a phone. No idea what it’s like to actually use as a phone, though probably better than my camera is” – GigerPunk.

That’s OK. The harshness of the low-grade LED flash brings up the colours nicely.

This is the best one. It’s like the square ones are policemen and they have just disturbed the two AAs getting up to something naughty. And those screw holes look like eyes, so they’re doing it in a big mouth. Fucking hell, some sort of holiday or extreme muscle relaxant is required.

Why yes, Erik, we do still “do” battery photographs. It’s just been quite a while since we last got sent one, therefore it’s been a while since we last uploaded one, therefore it looks like we don’t do them any more, therefore people stop sending them in and opening Hotmail becomes slightly sadder with each passing day.

But we do. Thanks for breaking the circle.

“I hope you still do hi-res battery pictures. I found this one in the forest so naturally I took it home and photographed it for the Internet. ‘Batteri’ means ‘battery’ in Swedish, I’ll let you figure out the rest of the intricacies of this particular design yourself.”

“Apparently it can power old rubbish Palm Pilots and portable CD players that look sort of like robot monkeys (it has a face so is doubly relevant for your web blog) but not dustbins” – Erik.

We have no idea if this web site is serious or not, but it’s running with a SHOCK OUTING of Energizer, claiming the renowned battery maker is putting AAs into fatter D-cell cases – and making up the extra girth with plastic padding.

It’s the battery equivalent of topping up nan’s bottle of gin with water.

“The Energizer ‘D’ battery is actually just a cheap plastic shell surrounding a much smaller, low-capacity battery similar in size and capacity to an “AA” battery” – Man on Internet.

The words “prod” and “bottom” initially leap out at you. We can only apologise for the lewd tone of today.

“These batteries are ‘gritty’. I got so excited I damaged them while tearing them from their plastic womb. They were part of the http://xtreamer.net/ parcel. The camera is a Canon Ixus 100IS. ‘12 megapixels, 6 of them working’. It’s a fine and sexy camera: very small form factor and – usually – rather good pics” – ‘An anonymous gentleman from Denmark’.

We have featured the Q-Connect before, back when it was sporting a fairly awful aquamarine colourway on the AAA variant – and back when we were sporting a much nicer red-based layout. That battery was also spotted by “Sebastian” and his little friend. Sebastain’s local newsagent must have acquired a big batch of Qs.

“Hey there! Here you have two pictures of the new and awsome Q-Connect batteries. The old blue-ish green has been replaced by a much nicer, warmer yellow-ish green. Well done, Q-Connect! May your power connect people and whatever that Q stands for.”

“Please change the site layout. After years of abuse my neck is fixed for reading things at the left corner of the screen. This is where text belongs” – Sebastian.

The amazing Great Power CR123A remains an in-house all-time favourite battery, with several unused examples still found lovingly stored in the Extra-Last sock drawer for posterity.

However, it would appear that Great Power’s parent company is in danger of breaching its banking covenants, leading to a desperate and depressing lowering of battery ’sleeve’ design quality, as illustrated by this terrible latest ‘Great Power’ sighting…

“Attached are the Great Powers. I don’t know if these are branded, or if ‘Great Power’ is merely a statement of fact. I can get you photos without hand backgrounds if you like” – Will.