And that’s not a bad photo for an iPhone. Apple has nearly caught up with 2004 Nokia.

“I thought these Daily-max AAAs were quite pretty. They came out of a set of kitchen scales (which have a groovy blue-lit top surface – probably nice for weighing drugs on). Photo taken by and sent (hopefully) from my correctly-held iPhone 4 (work made me have it – I’d never actually buy one myself…)” – Neil.

The words he sent in with them got lost. But it’s not about the words.

It just came to us. Just like that. We should be on stage in front of thousands, not slumped in front of a whirring Dell constantly on the verge of tears.

“Tianqiu could mean many things, including heaven-autumn or jade earplug-small dragon with horns. Hard to say without the hanzi.”

“Is it wrong to like them more when they’re torn and battered?”

“The copy under the maple/cannabis leaf says “Mercury = 0″. Phew.”

“Depth of field motherfuckers” – ThreeOliveMartini.

“Swedish, with a nipple, kind of blondeish in colour and with stuff protruding out of it” – Tor.

Professional shooting, Tor. We hope you don’t mind us looking at your EXIF data and telling the world (or about 100 men and maybe still three women) that you’re using a Panasonic DMC-GF1 and that you’d deliberately turned the flash off.

We didn’t think any readers remained from when we used to do batteries.

It’s the D-cell, AKA the FAT ONES.

“You have not had any new battery pictures for a while, it may be because the fad is over. As usual I am way behind what’s hip and cool”

“These batteries came with a spray pump for, erm, spraying woodstain onto our fence” – Dave.

Thanks, Dave! Seeing batteries again is like a deep, dark fog has just been lifted from us!

Just image rolling that smooth, cool exterior between your hands!

Don’t want to touch them now. But thanks.

Watch the very fabric of a man’s being deteriorate, AS LIVE!

OPENING PREAMBLE:
“I’ve been stuck on a training course in London for the past week, saw some things whilst there I thought you might like so brought them back for you. Call ‘em souvenirs if you like.”

“The keyboard for the overpriced Internet access in my hotel room. Turned it over to check for batteries but they’d put a sticker on it that I was too chicken to break the seal on, so I’ll never know what batteries it held now :(“

“It DID however, have a smiley face, so think that make have made up for it a bit?”

“Whilst out on a pub crawl round the financial district, I saw this cigarette bin that I HAD to grab a photo of.”

“Then over lunch the next day, I thought I’d get a better photo, sober, in daylight. Not sure if it reminds me more of V.I.N.cent / B.O.B. from the Black Hole, or Hack and Slash from Reboot. I think closer to the latter now I come to actually examine some pics.”

“Then, round Paddington station, saw this mono-nostrilled pig smoking a fag.”

“And once home again at the end of the week and picking up some shopping, saw this ‘kawaii’ cake box.”

“And this potato attempting to be Pacman.”

“And whilst the internet keyboard in the hotel was a no-go, the TV remote was a different matter.”

Did the “slowly getting closer and closer” thing you like…”

“…and a teasing little peek inside the battery cover before revealing all, and ending with some (poorly focused) shots of the batteries admiring the view across the east end.”

They’ve already been covered a couple of years ago – but I didn’t know that at the time as I refused to pay the 10 quid per night internet access charge, I couldn’t pickup any other wireless signals in the vicinity (and wasn’t going to lug my old Tosh laptop round to try and find one) and couldn’t connect anything to the PC on my training course. Figured what the heck I’ll include them anyway, the story behind it all may be handy as it’ll mean less to type…”

“Anyway, think that’s everything now, pretty sure you don’t want pictures of strange green teas from Dim-Sum bars or strange green pints of beer from the Magpie pub, let alone my video review of my hotel room/checking for bedbugs on check-in…I’ve got some catching up to do now with email, support tickets raised in my absence and a week’s worth of UK:R, Extra-Last and SexyExecs to read… (Oh yeah, and usual caveats about picture quality apply, I only had a Nokia N73 on me…)” – GigerPunk.

The end result is ten 4.3MB photos of a varied selection of batteries (CAUTION: Contains rechargeables), weighing in at 3888 x 2592 and taken by a Canon EOS 40D. Some of the focus work is superb.

They took quite a long time to upload. While this one was uploading we made a cup of tea.

While this one was uploading we went outside and fed the chickens, not that it’s worth feeding the chickens given the number of eggs they lay – ZERO.

While this one was uploading we paced anxiously around the kitchen, worrying about what’s for dinner tonight. We had the sausages yesterday so… god knows. Will probably have to go to the shop and get more sausages later.

While this one was uploading we browsed the Sony Ericsson press extranet. Which, in hindsight, only served to make the upload even slower.

While this one was uploading we made a cup of coffee with two teaspoons of coffee, as doing nothing on the internet all day is more fun with lots of coffee inside you.

While this one was uploading we bought a bit more credit on Newzbin, to allow the prompt downloading of the new episodes of Lost in HD.

Not sure what we did while this one was uploading.

While this one was uploading we tutted and sighed at some of the rubbish things people email to us, expecting us to get excited about.

And while this one was uploading we compiled this list of what we did while the others uploaded.

It took about 20 minutes in total.

Sent in by “Bungle” who has FAILED to capture this battery at the sort of quality it deserves.

“Here’s some boring battery pictures for you. The two new, white TIP branded ones didn’t like their older brother too much it seems” – kshade.

Thanks, “Kshade”. For future reference, we prefer to receive one sentence of text per photograph, makes things easier this end.

Now look what we’ve got to do.

We’ve got to type “blah blah batteries” another eight times.

It also doesn’t help that so many of the shots are rather similar. The artist is clearly grasping for inspiration.

And if there’s one thing we recognise, it’s a man grasping for inspiration.

We can smell grasping for inspiration. Taste it in the wind. Hear it breathing in the night.

So thanks, kshade. Thanks for giving us yet another reason to stare at a screen trying to think of something to say that other people might like.

Ought to go to South Korea. They must have a clinic that could help.

END.

“Having lurked around the site for a while I have been feverishly keeping my eye out for some batteries which I haven’t seen on your site before. Here they are. Dunno if they are exciting enough. You can decide.”

“Used the highest res I could on little Canon and also included the rechargeables for a bit more excitement. They came bundled with a cheap wireless keyboard and mouse kit.”

“Nice Scotch (*snigger*) name for Chinese battery I thought. I’ll send over several emails so they don’t bounce. Keep up the good work” – Zim.

Sorry about not keeping up the good work, Zim. We can only assume you initially wrote this email in early 2006 before the “work” around here turned to “shit”.