LG has really pushed the boat out. The contacts book has been well and truly plundered. Please welcome the A-List of vacuum cleaner promotion.

Jeff’s loving it. Looks like it’s the first time he’s ever had a go on a vacuum cleaner. He also appears to be getting a round of applause.

Maggie seems to be showing the signs of self-awareness and shame we would expect from someone involved in a vacuuming event.

This is Taraji P. Henson. She’s grateful of any publicity, in the hope that one day people like us might hear her name and know who she is and what she does without there being a 20-second pause while we look her up.

It’s the hot new Hollywood sensation!

That’s convincing. Both hands, enthusiastic smile – she’s in her element. TOMORROW: Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jeff Bridges.

It’s last-gen Hollywood heart-throb Matt Dillon, who seems to be willingly involving himself in some LG vacuum cleaner promotional activity.

He’s trying his best to look all cool about it, but no amount of facial posing can save your dignity when there’s a pay cheque and vacuum cleaner involved.

Can someone fix it so every photo LG releases automatically comes up on here? It would save an awful lot of effort. A couple of lines of code and we’d be FREE from these SHACKLES.

Careful, love, this is a demo model and it’s very valuable. Don’t push it too hard, as we’d hate for it to…

IT FELL OVER.

Seems to be aimed at the smart/casual fully-empowered businesslady market. You will shortly see a photograph illustrating WORK, followed by one illustrating GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS, then a final one for LEARNING THINGS.

Because women can do all of that now, thanks to the bloody EU.

We would like to repeatedly ask her what is so funny, getting more aggressive each time the question is posed and ending up with a neighbour coming round to see if everything’s OK.

“Must just tell everyone about the cute way the cat sicked up between the cushions of the sofa last night”

Saved this one until last, as a treat.

Here’s a FedEx courier, mentally imagining himself to be the star of a cheap pornographic movie.

However, she’s mentally imagining herself to be the victim on next month’s Crimewatch, which is why she’s already mentioned her husband three times in their 20-second conversation.

She’s so engrossed in her music she wouldn’t notice you scrabbling around on the floor in front of her with a digital camera hidden in your shoe.

Looks a bit basic. Doesn’t look like it’s also something else. Looks like it’s just an MP3 player, not even also a camera or also a phone. We must’ve been emailed through a link to the “emerging markets” press centre by mistake.

THE CAPTION:
“Philips GoGear Portable AV Player packs big entertainment in a superbly small design. Its 1.5” full color display shows off album art and folder view ensures easy file navigation and organization. The GoGear SA1VBE uses 56% less energy, has a 23% lower packaging volume and is 29% lighter compared to its competitor.”

It’s a woman’s legs. She’s dressed to coordinate with her laptop speakers and is dancing. That makes her an automatic WOULD NOT, as she’s obviously a bit too mental.

If you’re going to create a CG rendering of a laptop, you might as well also create a CG woman’s legs, saving yourself even more money.

Here’s global humanitarian and sports icon Muhammad Ali and multi-Grammy Award winner and pop super star Christina Aguilera, teaming up to launch what looks like a new brand of cheese.

It’s a kind of brie. Muhammad Ali really hates brie.

Looks like she got a bit of her jumper stretched in the fight. He may be old, but he can still fend off Christina Aguilera.

THE OFFICIAL CAPTION:
“Global humanitarian and sports icon Muhammad Ali and multi-Grammy Award winner and pop super star Christina Aguilera join forces to help the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) Haiti relief efforts by appearing in a new global Public Service Announcement underwritten by the Yum! Brands Foundation. Donations raised through the PSA, urging people to give $5 by texting FRIENDS to 90999 or donate online at FromHungertoHope.com, will go directly to support WFP’s efforts to get food to earthquake survivors in Haiti”.

The enormous folder of images we stole off Motorola’s press site when it was stupid enough to believe the lies we told about being proper journalists continues to deliver the goods, with this – the Motorola Changeabout.

How we love those fantastic diagrams of a lady being impressed by a man’s choice of music. That is not what the wife looks like when we insist on playing ‘Full On Mask Hysteria’ or Destroyer.net to help pass the morning.

It only really plays in two places, then, as we’re still not a world of boat owners.