Here’s another one of these, accompanied by a touching story about a reader who maintains a SECRET LIFE as an ordinary member of society who does shockingly normal things. Really wish we’d tagged up all the previous ‘Bags with Faces’ we’ve had as there’s been loads and they’ve all been quite good.

We didn’t think there would be enough mileage in it to make into a proper ‘thing’. If only we’d known just how much it could’ve been milked.

“While out wedding shoe shopping with my soon-to-be wife, god help me, I spotted this little fella which cheered me up no end. As you can see from the pic I tried to secretly take the photo while my GF was distracting the shopkeeper, who I shall call Big Gay Al, after the South Park Character. While nonchalantly pretending to text. Hence the thumb in frame. The bag looked a bit S&M to me, so I was disappointed not to find an orange ball inside when I managed to unbolt his cakehole” – Ian / Cyberfyn.

THE PS:
“After several hours we still didn’t find ‘the’ shoes”

Here’s a picture of a sad face, accompanied by worrying news that one of our readers is allowed to be responsible for a child.

At what point do you have to mount an internet clear-up operation, when your child becomes “self-aware” and starts using Google to see if its dad is mentioned on the internet?

“My daughter’s school work is collected in this blue DuoTang portfolio. Inside front cover (upside down) it shows how sad it is to be the bearer of bad news like homework assignments or notes from the teacher. I was going to slip in the letter I got when I was fired by my last employer just for an added touch of pathos, but that would be manipulative” – Rob.

Andy has found a better set of kitchen scales with a face.

Can someone with access to a time machine travel back in time to 1984 and tell the young us to pay more attention to maths and physics in school, to avert a desperate future life where we spend all day fielding emails about kitchen equipment with what looks like faces on them? Thanks.

“Those kitchen scales with a face the other day were a bit rubbish. Have a PROPER kitchen thing with a face – a pressure cooker lid.”

“It has a face on both sides. I had to angle the one photo so you cant see my mug in the reflection.”

“Also, I was playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and saw an advert for ’something’.”

“As a bonus – have a picture of a car dashboard that looks a bit like Darth Vader, and has many faces depending on how you look at it. Cant remember if I sent you this one before. Should be plenty enough to keep the site running for one more painful day. I’ve given you the original files off my camera because i know you like reading EXIF data” – Andy

EXIF UNKNOWN
The EXIF data is coming up as blank for us. But given that the photos came out at a resolution of 800 x 600, we suspect the involvement of Sony Ericsson.

Got sent this enormous 4.2MB photo of a house or at least building with a face in London, accompanied by an essay about film cameras and fictional EXIF data. It’s humbling when readers put in more effort than we’ve managed for months.

“So I think this is someone’s home. It’s in a location in London which I feel may be rich pickings for Static Non-Powered Objects with Faces, so I’m not going to reveal exactly where in case it ruins my chances of appearing on here every week for the next 7 years. Which is obviously my only ambition in life.

You may find the EXIF data disappointing, if it even exists. I expect you’ll find some babble about Photoshop, that’s because I took this photo using a film camera. Remember those? I found one recently that I didn’t know I had, took it out “for a spin”…and got this. Impressive huh?

Here’s your analogue EXIF data

Camera: Weird Minolta AFT thing that seems to serve no useful purpose

Film: Fuji 400H – too expensive for such a crap camera

Exposure: Who knows? It’s a needlessly massive point and shoot.

Processing: The lovely lady at Snappy Snaps

Scanning: Badly. Me. At home

Dust marks: Probably on the scanner, or maybe the film – can’t be bothered to remove it from such a godawful photo.

Should have taken it on my phone really” – S.

Next winter, when we get very, very bored and try to think of ideas for new blogs to start up for something to do other than putting things in the fire that shouldn’t really go in the fire, it’s just possible we’ll end up doing a blog about ash trays with faces.

There seems to be enough of them about.

“Sorta looks like it has Down’s Syndrome. Prolly all kinds of EXIF stuff in this pic. Took it with me iPhone. See u in my dreams” – J.

ABOUT EXIF DATA:
It identifies cameras and camera settings, so by telling us you took it with an iPhone you’re making the need for an EXIF examination redundant.

Spotty forehead. Sobbing blood. Monobrow. Lost his nose in an unprovoked acid attack. Has just read a comment on Facebook and is not sure if it is happy news, sad news, or a bit of both. Like, his ex-girlfriend has just said she’s getting married next April and he needs to pretend to be happy for her and not at all bitter.

This wouldn’t have been considered a FACE before the internet came along, but thanks to the rise of the :/ smiley face to symbolise some sort of emotion we are not privy to or capable of expressing, it is now 100% facial.

“I saw this old rusty boat on holiday and I thought of your web site. I’ve been wanting to contribute since it was Idiot Toys but I’ve never found an interesting battery and I seldom come across interesting pictures of attractive oriental women. Erm… that came out wrong. This boat had been hauled out of the water and was awaiting a respray. The line of the paint, with two portholes above it, made a meh
expression. I have no idea if the EXIF data is retained in the attached image” – Jamie.

THE EXIF DATA, SEEING AS HE BROUGHT IT UP:
Nikon D80, 2592 x 3872, 1/125 sec exposure, ISO 100, Center Weighted Average metering with no flash.

A stunning FIVE separate real-world face spottings from reader “Aaron” who has awkwardly (for us) combined GADGET and NON-POWERED face imagery into one single huge email.

Fortunately, Aaron’s attention detail and sharp eye-for-a-face made compiling this update a pleasure, even though some of the images were in zip files and some weren’t and they were all different shapes and sizes. He also didn’t just nick all these photos off some other face blog and send them in expecting us to be all like “Wow, thanks”.

“Here are several things with faces I’ve found. First there’s a handle on the side of a dehumidifier. There’s an identical face/handle on the other side.”

“Next there’s a mysterious box labeled ‘TTC DRY DROP’ that I walk past every morning on the way to the bus station. Some sort of fire hydrant? I’ve included a behind photograph as well.”

“Then there’s this APC power supply/battery, a heater, and a metal plate that covers one of those things that prevents bathtub overflow. I admit that these three are not very good” – Aaron.

Sent in by a man who seems to actually think it’s OK to call himself “Inedible Buddhas”.

Fancy eyebrows, Hitler moustache, exotic chin hair. Very nice. Not as nice as this one a man called “Andy” sent in, but nice nonetheless.

High-powered frequent business traveler “Jon” just snapped this inside a Virgin Trains train using his BlackBerry. Can’t decide if the big holes are its eyes, or if the black bits are its eyes and the big holes are massive nostrils.

It is a good job we have nothing better to think about today, or any other day, otherwise this may be considered a waste of life energy.

“This is LIVE from the FIELD. The FIELD is outside the WINDOWS of a PENDOLINO to MANCHESTER from LONDON! How it has been overlooked for so long this live reporter from the field will never know but these FACES line every carriage and stop this reporter from having any chance of falling asleep and dreaming of Teclast ‘gadgets’. I can count 40 of them in carriage C without my glasses on! Blurry blackberry image? The EXIF can’t lie. Live from a train in a field? Well, I could be lying. Maybe I’ll geotag it and tweet it!” – Jon!

Five hours staring at him. This is why the train companies make all their profits from selling six cans of Stella Artois to each passenger.

“Here’s a Static Object With Face for you, recently observed on one of those Virgin pendolino (a word which always makes me think of a ballsack) trains to London. Not positive what it is, but I’m going for a slightly wonky and ambivalent magazine rack. I would even go so far as to suggest that it’s a manga-style cute vampire magazine rack, what with the little round fangs and the angsty self-harm scratch marks down his eye. And the fact that he looks like he’s shitting himself a bit at being stuck next to the emergency light. He also looks like Alien Hominid from a distance, but not so much up close” – Mr L.