“These were taken last year whilst on a boat on the Nile” – Brooza.

No need to boast. Air travel is affordable to almost everyone these days.

“Good day, I recently spotted this tearful slave elephant busily washing away men’s urine, pubic hair, phlegm, bogies, jizz etc., and thought of you. I’d hasten to add that I don’t normally think of men in toilets (I presume you are a man?) or actively use a camera in one either. Pic taken on my work mobile (some basic Nokia effort). Please don’t use my real name – let me think up a random one… how about ‘George Michael’” – George Michael.

Finally, we’ve found something we’re TOO GOOD for.

Apparently they were spotted on the floor of a “friend’s kitchen” which we think is GigerPunk’s way of saying his kitchen floor is tidier than this.

“Hello, assuming it’s a slow day as per you might want this ‘content’ for your page. Here are some rice crackers with faces made out of what I can only hope is seaweed and not small squares of black sugar paper. The one on the left is happy, probably because his brain cavity is flattened indicating possible slow-wittedness. The one on the right is perturbed. And rightly so” – Paul in sunny Manchester.

“Pie. Face. Pie-face! Not technology, certainly, but then neither are buildings or handbags” – Ronan.

We didn’t think there would be enough mileage in it to make into a proper ‘thing’. If only we’d known just how much it could’ve been milked.

“While out wedding shoe shopping with my soon-to-be wife, god help me, I spotted this little fella which cheered me up no end. As you can see from the pic I tried to secretly take the photo while my GF was distracting the shopkeeper, who I shall call Big Gay Al, after the South Park Character. While nonchalantly pretending to text. Hence the thumb in frame. The bag looked a bit S&M to me, so I was disappointed not to find an orange ball inside when I managed to unbolt his cakehole” – Ian / Cyberfyn.

THE PS:
“After several hours we still didn’t find ‘the’ shoes”

At what point do you have to mount an internet clear-up operation, when your child becomes “self-aware” and starts using Google to see if its dad is mentioned on the internet?

“My daughter’s school work is collected in this blue DuoTang portfolio. Inside front cover (upside down) it shows how sad it is to be the bearer of bad news like homework assignments or notes from the teacher. I was going to slip in the letter I got when I was fired by my last employer just for an added touch of pathos, but that would be manipulative” – Rob.

Can someone with access to a time machine travel back in time to 1984 and tell the young us to pay more attention to maths and physics in school, to avert a desperate future life where we spend all day fielding emails about kitchen equipment with what looks like faces on them? Thanks.

“Those kitchen scales with a face the other day were a bit rubbish. Have a PROPER kitchen thing with a face – a pressure cooker lid.”

“It has a face on both sides. I had to angle the one photo so you cant see my mug in the reflection.”

“Also, I was playing Rainbow Six Vegas 2, and saw an advert for ‘something’.”

“As a bonus – have a picture of a car dashboard that looks a bit like Darth Vader, and has many faces depending on how you look at it. Cant remember if I sent you this one before. Should be plenty enough to keep the site running for one more painful day. I’ve given you the original files off my camera because i know you like reading EXIF data” – Andy

EXIF UNKNOWN
The EXIF data is coming up as blank for us. But given that the photos came out at a resolution of 800 x 600, we suspect the involvement of Sony Ericsson.

“So I think this is someone’s home. It’s in a location in London which I feel may be rich pickings for Static Non-Powered Objects with Faces, so I’m not going to reveal exactly where in case it ruins my chances of appearing on here every week for the next 7 years. Which is obviously my only ambition in life.

You may find the EXIF data disappointing, if it even exists. I expect you’ll find some babble about Photoshop, that’s because I took this photo using a film camera. Remember those? I found one recently that I didn’t know I had, took it out “for a spin”…and got this. Impressive huh?

Here’s your analogue EXIF data

Camera: Weird Minolta AFT thing that seems to serve no useful purpose

Film: Fuji 400H – too expensive for such a crap camera

Exposure: Who knows? It’s a needlessly massive point and shoot.

Processing: The lovely lady at Snappy Snaps

Scanning: Badly. Me. At home

Dust marks: Probably on the scanner, or maybe the film – can’t be bothered to remove it from such a godawful photo.

Should have taken it on my phone really” – S.

There seems to be enough of them about.

“Sorta looks like it has Down’s Syndrome. Prolly all kinds of EXIF stuff in this pic. Took it with me iPhone. See u in my dreams” – J.

ABOUT EXIF DATA:
It identifies cameras and camera settings, so by telling us you took it with an iPhone you’re making the need for an EXIF examination redundant.