Spotty forehead. Sobbing blood. Monobrow. Lost his nose in an unprovoked acid attack. Has just read a comment on Facebook and is not sure if it is happy news, sad news, or a bit of both. Like, his ex-girlfriend has just said she’s getting married next April and he needs to pretend to be happy for her and not at all bitter.

This wouldn’t have been considered a FACE before the internet came along, but thanks to the rise of the :/ smiley face to symbolise some sort of emotion we are not privy to or capable of expressing, it is now 100% facial.

“I saw this old rusty boat on holiday and I thought of your web site. I’ve been wanting to contribute since it was Idiot Toys but I’ve never found an interesting battery and I seldom come across interesting pictures of attractive oriental women. Erm… that came out wrong. This boat had been hauled out of the water and was awaiting a respray. The line of the paint, with two portholes above it, made a meh
expression. I have no idea if the EXIF data is retained in the attached image” – Jamie.

THE EXIF DATA, SEEING AS HE BROUGHT IT UP:
Nikon D80, 2592 x 3872, 1/125 sec exposure, ISO 100, Center Weighted Average metering with no flash.

A stunning FIVE separate real-world face spottings from reader “Aaron” who has awkwardly (for us) combined GADGET and NON-POWERED face imagery into one single huge email.

Fortunately, Aaron’s attention detail and sharp eye-for-a-face made compiling this update a pleasure, even though some of the images were in zip files and some weren’t and they were all different shapes and sizes. He also didn’t just nick all these photos off some other face blog and send them in expecting us to be all like “Wow, thanks”.

“Here are several things with faces I’ve found. First there’s a handle on the side of a dehumidifier. There’s an identical face/handle on the other side.”

“Next there’s a mysterious box labeled ‘TTC DRY DROP’ that I walk past every morning on the way to the bus station. Some sort of fire hydrant? I’ve included a behind photograph as well.”

“Then there’s this APC power supply/battery, a heater, and a metal plate that covers one of those things that prevents bathtub overflow. I admit that these three are not very good” – Aaron.

Sent in by a man who seems to actually think it’s OK to call himself “Inedible Buddhas”.

Fancy eyebrows, Hitler moustache, exotic chin hair. Very nice. Not as nice as this one a man called “Andy” sent in, but nice nonetheless.

High-powered frequent business traveler “Jon” just snapped this inside a Virgin Trains train using his BlackBerry. Can’t decide if the big holes are its eyes, or if the black bits are its eyes and the big holes are massive nostrils.

It is a good job we have nothing better to think about today, or any other day, otherwise this may be considered a waste of life energy.

“This is LIVE from the FIELD. The FIELD is outside the WINDOWS of a PENDOLINO to MANCHESTER from LONDON! How it has been overlooked for so long this live reporter from the field will never know but these FACES line every carriage and stop this reporter from having any chance of falling asleep and dreaming of Teclast ‘gadgets’. I can count 40 of them in carriage C without my glasses on! Blurry blackberry image? The EXIF can’t lie. Live from a train in a field? Well, I could be lying. Maybe I’ll geotag it and tweet it!” – Jon!

Five hours staring at him. This is why the train companies make all their profits from selling six cans of Stella Artois to each passenger.

“Here’s a Static Object With Face for you, recently observed on one of those Virgin pendolino (a word which always makes me think of a ballsack) trains to London. Not positive what it is, but I’m going for a slightly wonky and ambivalent magazine rack. I would even go so far as to suggest that it’s a manga-style cute vampire magazine rack, what with the little round fangs and the angsty self-harm scratch marks down his eye. And the fact that he looks like he’s shitting himself a bit at being stuck next to the emergency light. He also looks like Alien Hominid from a distance, but not so much up close” – Mr L.

American Express has mainstream-ised the ‘faces’ thing in the US. Now every commoner is going to be taking photos of public ashtrays, ironing boards and toilet hand dryers.

This won’t stop us doing it, mind. A thing is a thing, regardless of if it’s been DONE TO DEATH or not.

“I don’t know if anyone has had the heart to show you this yet. Clearly, someone at American Express’ ad agency has stolen your intellectual property and made an enormous pile of US dollars off it. It’s only the inanimate objects with *angry* faces from now on, then, yes?” – Robotslave.

Wrote too much in the headline there. Haven’t got anything left to say in this bit now. Anyone got any good web sites to look at later? Not porn, anything. Literally anything.

“Saw this slightly miffed looking lorry-end (note to self: check terminology) in Birmingham. For legal reasons, let’s assume both vehicles were stationary. Rik, aged 25 and four-fifths” – Rik.

This is a good one, a proper one, one that ought to get stolen by those sites that do faces properly.

“Spotted this angry barrier ‘clip’ scouling at me as I walked past yesterday evening. I think he was pissed off as someone left the barrier open. Grumpy prick” – Sam.

There’s a web site which exists solely to sell barriers. There’s a mini-Photoshop Disaster on this page. We shan’t be clicking on any other pages, it’s not a life-affirming place.

“Following up from my excellent SONY batteries [SORRY ABOUT THAT, ANDREW], I bring you this static non-powered object with face. Lovingly copied from http://www.discountbarriers.com (which has some kind of weird won’t-let-you-save-photos code going on). But Anyway, look at the big smile! And my, what a fetching shade of lipstick. Those Eyes, they’re like two pools of molten silver” – Andrew.

Darren, who operates this on-message web site and is a bit happy with the old swearing, has TWO facial objects for your enjoyment today. He also has some rude words and an unusual sexual phrase.

“I have a ‘Glory hole‘ with a face for you”.

“Photo is a bit blurry. Sorry, I was getting wanked off at the time”.

“I also saved this rather special approach to a bin, with a surprise at the end”.

“When I first saw this I thought it said Butts and cum (nothing like a slutty bin). Turns out it wants gum, the fucking dick tease” – Darren.