BRAVE ROBOT puts life on line to save human masters!

Oh God, we have made a terrible mistake.

This report outlines how a brave young bomb-disposal robot selflessly and bravely investigated a potential bomb site -- putting human life before its own.

"Police surrounded the building around 5:45 p.m. (1645 GMT) on Wednesday and led several women and children away from the flat. Then a remote controlled robot was sent in to search the flat further."

That brings a tear to our eye. Well done that robot! :)

Robots of the world hear this: WE ARE SORRY, and we'll try to be less robotist in future. We will try to learn to trust you and stop labelling you all as MACHINES WITH THE POTENTIAL TO KILL ALL MANKIND.

Thank you bomb-disposal robot, your bravery will be remembered as the crucial moment when humans learned to trust robots -- like that bit in Aliens where Bishop came back to get Ripley at the end.

British police deploy robot in search of bomb 'suspect'

Spare ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS for a trip to the moon, guv?

We're going to think VERY HARD about ways to earn 100 million dollars so we can pay the Russians to take us to the Moon.

"Space tourists will not land on its surface but will circle its dark side and orbit close enough to examine its cratered lunar crust. They would live in two cramped modules about three metres across and eat biscuits and food in tubes."

WE WANT TO EAT BISCUITS IN TUBES AROUND THE MOON!

Imagine that! Not only do you get to go to the Moon, you also get to eat biscuits and crisps out of tubes! We're going to buy biscuits and crisps that come in tubes (Jaffa Cakes, Pringles) on the way home from work tonight, then sit in the airing cupboard and pretend we're going around the Moon with the Russians! (the water tank looks a bit like it could be an engine).

Then we'll have a wee in the shower, which is what all astronauts have to do because of the lack of gravity.

Guardian Unlimited | Special reports | Russia's great leap for tourism - a $100m trip to the moon

HURRY UP, INTERNET!

GRAAGH! Only downloading at 8k a second :(



Hyde Park Records - Picking Up Girls Made Easy - 1975

Fujifilm FinePix S5600 Zoom -- sort of between the last two

Looks like a "proper" camera, but is only 5.0 megapixels so should be cheap enough for the likes of us, is, we think, an accurate summary of the FinePix S5600 Zoom's press release.



TECHNICAL THINGS, MOST OF WHICH MEAN NOTHING TO US:
* 5th Generation Super CCD HR sensor
* 5.1 million effective pixels
* 10x optical zoom
* Real Photo Technology and ISO 64 - 1600 sensitivity range
* Anti-Blur Mode to minimise blurring from photographer and subject
* Highlight Warning function to alert users to overexposed areas of an image (in playback)
* High quality video recording at VGA and 30fps
* Rapid start-up time of 1.1 seconds and shutter lag of 0.01 seconds
* Automatic pop-up flash
* JPEG and RAW file format
* Versatile manual functions including manual focus and exposure

WHERE DID WE COPY ALL THIS STUFF FROM?
HERE!

Fujifilm FinePix S9500 Zoom digital camera

9 megapixels, and a really BIG FAT LENS so you look like more of a proper photographer and can therefore get away with asking women on beaches to take their t-shirts off "for a photoshoot":



THE PROS:
* New Fujifilm Super CCD sensor with 9.0 million effective pixels
* New 28-300mm (10.7x) Fujinon zoom lens with manual twist-barrel zoom control
* Class-leading sensitivity setting of ISO 1600 for photography in low light conditions
* Low sensitivity of ISO 80 for ultra-high quality photography
* 1.8" tilting LCD screen for easy high and low angle shooting
* Ultra-fast response times (0.01 second shutter lag and 0.8 second start-up)
* Real-time histogram to assist exposure settings before shooting
* Highlight Warning feature for displaying highlight areas in playback
* VGA movie capture of 30 frames per second with zoom capability and sound
* Closed unit design to eliminate dust accumulation on the CCD
* Hotshoe and PC sync terminal
* RAW format shooting for uncompressed and unprocessed images
* xD-Picture Card(tm) providing large storage capacity, lower power consumption and fast write speeds (16MB to 1GB capacities currently available)

THE CONS:
* Too big to hide in pocket for upskirt action.

Fujifilm's new FinePix E900 Zoom digital camera with 9.0 megapixel power

Whoever it is that runs Fujifilm's press site has finally got around to uploading details on three of its new digital cameras -- the Finepix E900 Zoom, FinePix S9500 Zoom and the FinePix S5600 Zoom.

Let's look at photos of them all!

FIRST UP -- THE FINEPIX E900 ZOOM:



It's a digital camera, including 'Real Photo Technology'! Wow! REAL PHOTOS! They sound AMAZING!

PINEPIX E900 ZOOM SPECS:
* 5th Generation Super CCD HR sensor delivering 9.0 million pixels
* Sensitivity range of ISO 80-800 for varying lighting conditions
* 4x optical zoom (32 - 128mm equivalent on a 35mm camera)
* 'Real Photo Technology' for exceptional picture quality with minimal noise
* New pre-shooting live histogram and post-shooting Highlight Warning to monitor exposure issues before taking the shot
* TV-quality VGA movie recording function of 30 frames per second
* Range of modes including Auto, P, S, A, M, Portrait, Night, Sports, Natural Light and Movie
* Two-inch LCD screen to frame and view images easily
* High-speed start-up time of 1.3 seconds and near-instantaneous shutter response
* RAW format to shoot with uncompressed and unprocessed image quality
* Includes Ni-MH rechargeable batteries and charger
* PictBridge(tm) compatible for direct printing without a PC

Gupi -- The Robotic Guinea Pig!

YES! Having one of these is BOUND to make girls want to come back to our house!!!



ROBOT GUINEA PIG SPECS!
-Length: 22.5 cm
-Makes 30 sounds
-Baby state (cries and shakes head – doesn't walk)
-Learning state (walks around but needs training to avoid obstacles)
-Happy state (walks around, giggles, follows carrot...)
-Sleeping state (falls asleep in the dark or after period of non-play)
-Produces wind when pushed on back
-2 Gupis talk when they meet each other + perform a dance for each other
-Sneezing : when pushed on the nose Gupi sneezes and runs backwards
-Falling asleep : sleep-button on nose
-Rechargeable batteries. Recharging through carrot and recharger

SLEEP BUTTON ON NOSE??!! RECHARGING THROUGH CARROT??!! CUTE! Does liking this make us a bit gay?

Gupi

Motorola RAZRWIRE -- "Bluetooth eyewear"

Yeah, whatever. We got bored of things that look like they're out of The Matrix in 2001.



THE ONLY SPEC WE CAN BE BOTHERED TO TYPE UP:
-You can switch the "control module" to EITHER EAR!

Motorola RAZRWIRE

Asian woman holding a thing with a picture of an Asian woman holding a thing on!

We haven't celebrated the brave thing-holding women of the far-east for weeks, but they're still doing it. Still risking their French manicures for us, still braving dangerous test equipment on behalf of major electronics corporations.

This one seems to have three hands, a new development in the world of thing-holding, plus there's a bonus woman holding a thing on the mobile phone screen itself, making a stunning total of FOUR things, TWO women and a sensational FIVE HANDS in the one photo! Beat that, Samsung!



She's holding an LG LP3900 cellphone with some sort of twin slidey action that lets you slide it down to take photos or up to send TXT MSGs. It won't come out here.

iDJ iPod mixing decks -- for TWATS and STUDENTS

If you're a TWAT or a STUDENT and you think you're SOME SORT OF SUPERSTAR DJ because you've worked out how to plug your iPod into a PA system, this is right up your ARSE:



If ever a piece of technology deserved the monicker "TWAT MACHINE" the Numark iDJ is it.

NUMARK iDJ SPECS:
-Spelt with a small 'i' LIKE AN iPOD
-Also charges your stupid gay iPod so you can play ironic 80s tunes for longer
-Mic socket for improv street poetry recording

THE ACTUAL PROPER AND OFFICIAL SPECS:
-Two universal iPod docking stations will accept all model iPods with bottom connector and charge while connected
-Large iPod navigation controls
-3-band EQ with gain control on both channels
-Dedicated microphone input with tone and level control
-Phono/line inputs for adding additional devices on both channels
-USB connectivity (PC and Mac) enables iDJ to function as a music-loading base
-iPod’s recording capabilities supported by iDJ for voice memos, etc.
-Turntable spindle receptacle enables placement of the iDJ on a turntable
-Zero tolerance precision switches/knobs for a tight, precise feel
-Unique "Twat Machine" branding (sorry, this is us again)

Numark

Motorola V3X -- A Motorola Razr with a 2megapixel camera

And, right, the phone also known as the Motorola RAZR now comes with a little front-mounted VGA camera too, for video calls that NO ONE EVER MAKES.



MOTOROLA V3X SPECS:
-The same as whatever the V3 could do
-Only now with a 2megapixel camera for clearer upskirt action
-Not that Motorola endorses that kind of activity
-And probably 1,000,000 hours of battery life according to the lying press release (this is a little running joke we have about battery life not being as good as phone companies say. Don't worry if you don't get it)

Google Logo Maker

Normally major corporations get angry when you rip-off their logos :ooooo)



Google Logo Maker Logogle

*JINGLE* Weird sex thing of the weeeeek!

It's the HICCUPS WAREHOUSE.

NUMBER OF FEMALE HICCUP SAMPLES: 169

NUMBER OF MALE HICCUP SAMPLES: 25

CONCLUSION: This is definitely a sex thing.

HICCUPS WAREHOUSE

SONY GENIUS! *WHITE* PSP

How do they come up these ideas?

Oh yes. They look at what Apple's doing then copy that, just like Microsoft is doing with its Xbox 360. Maybe we should change the Idiot Toys logo to white? No forget that, it wouldn't show up.



If they're copying the iPod properly, they should (a) purposefully reduce the battery life and (b) charge an extra $80 for it.

CERAMIC WHITE PSP SPECS:
-WHITE!
-Plays all those old games you loved so much in 2001!

Pro Evolution Soccer 5 on PSP

Yes!

Seriously.

YES!

If loving this makes us casual gamers, then SO BE IT. You can all knock yourselves out playing something boring and old by SNK, while we hang around outside the newsagent playing this with "da ad hoc wireless network crew".

Next iPod "to make phone calls"

Bear with us, this is a JOKE.

The joke is this:

JOKE BACKGROUND:

You know how mobile phones can play MP3s nowadays?

And you know that mobile phones started with limited capacity for MP3s but have been gradually getting better?

THE ACTUAL JOKE:

We propose making a joke about an "iPod Phone" that only lets you make telephone calls that last less than ten seconds

This satirically mirrors how mobile phones have limited MP3 storage space and aren't actually any good as MP3 players, by pointing out how an iPod would make a rubbish telephone.

IN ADDITION:

We would also outline a series of really expensive upgrades, whereby the iPod Phone 20 lets you make calls that last for 20 seconds and an iPod Phone 40 lets you make calls for 40 seconds.

ALSO:

There would be an iPod Phone U2 Edition which only lets you call George Bush.

AND MAYBE:

There could be an iPod Phone Photo that lets you see photos of who's calling you (black and white photos, subtly hinting that an iPod Phone Photo Color will be out next year).

SUMMARY:

If we had more time to do this properly, it would be a great joke.

Maybe Engadget can do it?

Make you phone look a bit like an iPod with the BoxWave FlexiSkin

All we need now is for Apple to release an iPod that can make telephone calls -- looking in our rucksack will then get us as confused a Grandad in an amusement arcade:



BOXWAVE FLEXISKIN SPECS:

-White, A BIT LIKE AN iPOD
-Too expensive for what it is (a bit of plastic)

BoxWave - FlexiSkin - a O2 XPhone IIm Case

The "Razberry" AKA Motorola Franklin

It's the rumoured-almost-as-long-as-the-iTunes-phone Motorola Franklin, AKA the Razberry -- a slimline smartphone capable of running Windows Mobile and combining Motorola Razr "thin" with Blackberry "functionality".

We might get one of these (BUT NOT ON 3 MOBILE):



THE SPECS OF THIS LOVELY LITTLE THING:

-Quadband GSM GPRS (Class 10) / EDGE (Class 6)
-Freescale Neptune LTE + Intel Bulverde
-112 x 64 x 11.5mm
-Weight: 115g
-Memory (FLASH/RAM): 128MB / 64MB
-Mini SD
-Display: 2.4“ 320x240 65K TFT
-Usage: 4 Hours
-Standby: 8 days (WE'RE NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THIS UNTIL WE'VE SEEN ACTUAL EVIDENCE)

BT Broadband -- Now 2Mb as standard

The basic £17.99 a month deal has been upped to 2Mb, which means you could hoover up your entire MEASLY 1GB monthly transfer allowance in one decent overnight download session.

BT'S NEW BROADBAND PRICES:

BT Broadband Basic
Price £17.99
Speed 2Mb
Usage Allowance 1GB

BT Broadband
Price £24.99
Speed 2Mb
Usage Allowance 15GB

BT Yahoo! Broadband
Price £26.99
Speed 2Mb
Usage Allowance 15GB

BT Yahoo! Broadband
Price £29.99
Speed 2Mb
Usage Allowance 30GB

PSP RIP-OFF SHAME

Sony's UK PSP games -- which, remember, are all slightly inferior versions of five-year-old PS2 games -- and going to cost £34.99 in the UK.

That, is a disgrace.

Intent Media - MCV

Google Moon - Lunar Landing Sites

BRING ON GOOGLE MARS!!



Google Moon - Lunar Landing Sites

EVIL SONY wins battle against normal man -- import PSPs BANNED :(

Sony Wins UK Battle Over Sales Of Imported Playstation Portable Consoles

Summary Judgement Secured Against Online Retailer

19 JULY 2005

Sony Computer Entertainment Europe (SCEE) has won its recent battle against importing and selling of its forthcoming PlayStation Portable console from Japan. In a recent case against online retailer Nuplayer Ltd, Mr Justice Lawrence Collins ruled that Nuplayer had no arguable defence and Summary Judgement was given.

Nuplayer have been ordered to pay substantial Costs and Damages to Sony for bringing the case against them and to hand over its remaining stock, details of sales, supplier data and some customer data.

SCEE claimed that the imported sales of the PSP console was undermining Sony Computer Entertainment Europe's million-pound marketing programme in run up to the console launch scheduled for 1 September.

-ends-

HA HA! STUPID SONY! THIS JUST MAKES US WANT TO BUY ONE MORE!!

Oh. Hang on. Are we being viral marketed to?

ACCESSORIES FOR LONELY MEN

AKA: The Idiot Toys Christmas Present List:



This is the Sheet Stealer. It's not real but is the sort of good joke we like to stumble across, and remember how we used to be good at doing internet jokes six or seven years ago.

THE REST OF THE ACCESSORIES FOR LONELY MEN:

-Chest Hair Curler - Device swirls user’s chest hair around in concentric circles.

-Cold Feet - Place under the sheets at night.

-Hair Alarm Clock - Attached to the headboard, hair swishes onto user’s face, waking him up.

-Heavy Breather - Device breathes hot air on the user’s neck at night.

-Plate Thrower - Rapid fire plate launcher, load plates on top.

-Shared Smoke - For post-intimacy

-Sheet Thief - Set on a timer, device steals the sheets every five hours.

-Silhouette Light - Projects the silhouette of a woman onto the wall.

From here: www.noamtoran.com

Ryanair "tastelessly" flogging flights

That's in quotation marks because it's us saying it. Cheap but reliable airline Ryanair ran the below ad last week, bastardising a speech by one of this country's GREATEST LEADERS in an attempt to somehow liken flying from Stansted to Lyon one-way for 50 quid to FIGHTING AND DYING FOR YOUR COUNTRY and standing up to terrorism.

So far there has been over 100 complaints about it:



To be fair, flying with Ryanair is a bit like a wartime scramble for food, drink and seating thanks to its "no frills" service that treats you with all the dignity of a Jewish family that's being shipped out to Auschwitz, but trying to capture the mood of the nation like this is something that's best left to the schmaltzy Americans.

Chinese get Sony Ericsson W800c first!

Eh? Why? China's supposed to be shit and backwards.

They're supposed to MAKE THEM for 50p a day wages, then send them to us SPOILT WESTERN CAPITALISTS to use once, decide we don't like and throw away.



The Sony Ericsson W800c, now available in China for around 530 US dollars, including a 512MB Memory Stick. How are we going to keep these people in their place if they start getting a taste for aspirational consumer electronics?

3 Mobile -- A WARNING

When UK mobile phone operator 3 Mobile says you can access "the internet" through its poxy service, what it REALLY MEANS is you can access "the 3 Mobile Portal" which is a shitty closed-off server where all you can do is pay money to download music videos and celebrity news clips of Posh Spice on a beach.

THERE IS A BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND THE PROPER INTERNET, 3 MOBILE.



We had one of these Nokia 6680s on 3 Mobile for two days -- we LIVED THE 3G DREAM! -- only you see that thing on the screen there? The INTERNET? You can't do that on 3 Mobile so we took it back to the shop. So don't bother with 3 Mobile if you want a proper, modern phone.

"Loesje" anti-war slogans hit London trees

Loesje is a Dutch name for girls, one that's been attached to all manner of anti-war/capitalism campaigns across mainland Europe.

Now it's hit London's leafy southern streets, with the generic peace/happiness/save the planet slogans popping up all over the place:



The official Loesje site is here and all we ask of you is to remember us when this takes off and becomes a massive global "meme" in three months time.

Seriously. When this "Loesje" business gets Boing Boinged, Slashdotted, BBCed or Farked, we'd better be the ones quoted and linked to as the original source for breaking this. We deserve it, if only because we managed to get a photo of a nice Asian girl in the background of the shot.

The world of Loesje

Sky launches HDTV mini site

Featuring all you need to know about 2006's UK launch of Sky's HDTV service, and confirming 720p and 1080i as the two supported formats.



And yes, it's going to be mainly for football. Great.

What is HDTV?

Mobile phone market "at, or near, full penetration"

..says a serious report.

"at, or near, full penetration" the report said.

The report said "at, or near, full penetration".

IT SAID "at, or near, FULL PENETRATION".

*sigh, wipes laughter tears away*

Another Record Year For Cell Handsets, But Growth Is Slowing Reports In-Stat

"Gangsta" remote control

We were going to try and make you think this is real, but you're probably all too clever and cynical for that.



It's a joke, and a very good one at that, especially using the trigger as an "OFF" button. If you know someone really stupid, send them the below link and see if you can make them think it's real.

Gangsta Gadgets

The Pierce Brosnan moustache

Exclusively available in select male hairdressers.



MOUSTACHE SPECS:
-Available in Buff Brown, Hitler Black or Lynham Silver.
-Food storage bristles
-Fully customisable via shaving
-Unique 'Grow Back' feature
-Optional chin attachment for full goatee

Forgotten pictures of popular people

China -- "We will nuke America"

Awesome! Our childhood nightmares of dying in a nuclear war might be about to come true!

FT.com / World / Asia-Pacific - China ‘ready to use N-weapons against US’

A lovely girlfriend...

...TO KEEP IN A BOX. STUPID FUCKING FOAM BITCH!



More on this "Sexual Cushion and doll" here: Properly naked ones too

*ROBOT THREAT UPDATE* -- Man joins crusade

Robot scientist (that's a scientist who studies robots, not a scientist who is a robot) Daniel H Wilson has written a book entitled "How To Survive A Robotic Uprising". We think he means this as a joke, but it may still contain valuable tips for when THE GREAT WAR comes.



Expect to find it in the "LAST MINUTE NOVELTY CHRISTMAS GIFTS" section of your local book shop.

Bloomsbury.com - Bloomsbury Author Information

Man takes photo with Orange SPV C550

It comes with a 1.3 megapixel camera, that can take pictures this good.

C550.jpg (JPEG Image, 1280x1024 pixels)

How long until we get bored of updating this site?

Find out! Courtesy of MakeACountdown.com:

Make A Countdown.com

Opera 8 for Series 60 and Windows Mobile

News of an updated version of mobile Opera makes us stare into the distance and try, once again, to remember the drunken events of the night which resulted in us losing our beloved Nokia 6600 with Magical Sound Shower ring tone.



New Opera 8 on the lovely Nokia 6680.

If we THINK hard enough, maybe we'll remember where we left it, or at least which tramp we swapped it for heroin with. THE HANDSET IS OUT THERE. WE STILL BELIEVE.

Opera for Mobile

Firefly -- A mobile phone for kids

If your children aren't growing up stupid and fat enough already, give them a mobile phone as soon as they can speak!



The Firefly (My First) Mobile hasn't got any numbers to dial with. The (responsible) parent pre-programmes 22 numbers into it, so little Zachary can only phone people you want him to.

THE 22 NUMBERS ALL FAT AMERICAN KIDS WILL HAVE:

-MOM
-POP
-Greasy Joe's Lard Palace
-Pizza Power
-Wendys
-Pizza Hut
-Taco Dream Boat
-Pizza Hut (west side)
-Fat Davey's Cholesterol Cabin
-Steaks, Steaks, Steaks!
-Meats 'r' Us
-Potato Chips 24/7
-Stevie B's Takeout Waffle Parlour
-Guacamole Drive-thru
-Pies 2 U
-Whole Lotta Fries Direct
-Chan’s Chicken Fry Up
-Golden Goose 24/7 Chinese
-A Tonne o’ Beef
-Food By The Pound
-The Greasy Plate
-Syrup To Go!

FIREFLY MOBILE SPECS:

-Just five keys to place most calls
-"Mom" and "Dad" speed-dial keys
-Parent-programmed, PIN-protected phone list with a 22-number capacity
-911 button for emergency calls, with accidental call prevention feature
-Optional call screening
-Caller ID and call waiting
-Hook for backpack clip (included with phone)
-Firefly Fireworks light display, which flashes when the phone rings, during standby and when the phone is charging
-12 ring tones
-7 screen colors
-5 animations
-Battery charger
-Weight: 2.12 oz.
-Size: 3.46" x 1.73" x 0.79"
-Talk time: Up to 6 hours (AN AMAZING 2,600 TAKEOUT DELIVERIES CAN BE ORDERED ON ONE CHARGE!)
-Standby time: 205 hours (DON'T GET US STARTED ON *THIS* AGAIN)
-Network: GSM Dualband 850/1900

"SenseCam" -- Microsoft's new tool for tedious bloggers

"SenseCam is a badge-sized wearable camera that captures up to 2000 VGA images per day into 128Mbyte FLASH memory"

Imagine that. 2000 random photos piling onto the internet everyday.

"It could help with memory recall, e.g. where did I leave my spectacles or keys?" says whoever it is at Microsoft whose job it is to justify WASTING MONEY on thinking up things like this. Yes, because flicking through 2000 jpegs is so much easier than LOOKING IN THE ONLY TWO PLACES WHERE YOUR KEYS ALWAYS ARE OR WHERE YOUR GLASSES ALWAYS ARE.



SAMPLE SENSECAM PICTURE CAPTIONS:
-"Here's me walking to work"
-"Here's me making some tea"
-"Steve"
-"Here's me about to go for lunch"
-"Here's me making some tea again!"
-"Jane"
-"Don't know what this one is. Might be the outside of the house"
-"Bedtime"
-"Sleeping"

Sensors and devices - SenseCam

Make your own Dalek

Thanks to a print-out-and-fold template for constructing a cardboard KILLING MACHINE.



The Ultimate Dalek Factory

Man takes photos of Pure White Nintendo DS

90 of them, too.

We're assuming it's a man. It's exactly what we'd do.

GadgetMadness.com - Nintendo DS Pure White

Logitech Wireless Headphones for iPod

They work with third generation iPods and every version since (the regular iPod, the Photo, the Mini and the U2 edition), and supposedly come with an "eight hour" battery life -- which, in iPod terms, means just over three:



And as with anything to do with iPod, they're about 100 dollars more expensive than they really should be (149 USD).

THE SPECS:
-White
-White
-White
-Bluetooth
-White

Logitech Products > iPod/MP3 Accessories > Wireless Headphones for iPod

I.D.E. belt. For trousers.

A belt, made out of a hard drive cable. And it even comes in a static-proof bag for authenticity.



FULL BELT SPECS:
-Fits around waist
-Variable length
-Some sort of fastening bit
-Hold up jeans, cords, or casual trousers
-No battery required
-Can be used as whip/restrainer/choker during sex

I.D.E. Belt [bi100] - $16.99 : frActAlspIn[dot]com, OMG OMG geek-cessories, k-neat! we rule. ok thx.

"Robot doctor" terrifies patient

"...the door finally swung open. But it wasn't his doctor. Instead, a robot rolled in, wheeled over and pivoted its 15-inch video-screen "head" toward the 80-year-old lying in his bed at Baltimore's Johns Hopkins Hospital."



This is a story about a doctor who gets a robot to walk his rounds for him, so he can sit in his office all day -- presumably with his feet up and a pretty young nurse fellating him -- laughing at the taxpayer's expense.

They should make them work MORE hours if this is the sort of thing lazy doctor fucks do these days.

Video Robots Redefine 'TV Doctor'

Women and Nintendo -- Combined!

It's a gallery of people wearing Nintendo NES belt buckles. Some of which are, for some strange reason, women:



WARNING: Site also contains REALLY WEIRD MEN.

NES Buckle the original Nintendo controller belt buckle! (belt buckles)

Lesbian sport stars

Or just photos where it looks like they might be kissing or touching in a loving, understanding way. The mind fills in the rest.



flatsoda.com / projects / female athletes

Teletext Babez

Nude girls! Drawn in Teletext style! 20 years ago this would've been arousing, what with the then limited availability of pornography.



drx: Teletext Babez

Post-apocalyptic London -- deserted and nicer

We survived the London bombs. All that happened was we had to walk most of the way to work and saw lots of fire engines, then we walked home.

We took some photos along the way, as Blog owners are required to do. These are the photos:



This was in the morning. It's some people standing in a bit of a daze watching the news channel through the window of a bank. We stood in a bit of a daze watching them. We're normally in quite a daze anyway, so imagine how much more of a daze we ended up in after realising the city was being bombed.




This is the afternoon. All the buses were taken out of service because of the risk of foreign-looking people with rucksacks, so Oxford Street -- normally a STINKING CESSPIT of bus fumes -- was actually pleasant to walk down for once.




At this point we pretended those people were all ZOMBIES and that the earth had come to an end and we were the only human survivor. This street is usually nose-to-tail with stinking buses. It'd be great if they pedestrianised the area, we thought. And got rid of all the zombies.




This is Regent Street. Normally you can't see the lovely old buildings because of all the stinking buses. London's ace when it's not full of bus fumes and bus engine noises.




This is a hot Asian chick we followed for a while. That fat lump on the left was with her. She could do so much better! She was probably thinking that she was annoyed about having to walk home, but was also no doubt looking on the bright side that at least her and her fat fuck of a boyfriend hadn't been hurt.




Then we saw a man with the STUPIDEST HAIRCUT we've ever seen! Just think, if 37 people hadn't died today, we wouldn't have got to laugh at this bald man's highlighted mullet. Look, he's combing both sides UPWARDS and OVER, pretending it's a style instead of him trying not to look so bald! What a CUNT!




Then we got to London Bridge. The trains were working a bit, but there was quite a few people. It was a wall of people. If we had a rucksack full of explosives, this would've been a great time to have set it off.




This photo came out awesome. It could be used as a stock photograph illustrating "busy commuters" in a glossy industry magazine! Our camera went a bit wrong and messed up the exposure. That's the sort of flukey genius that makes magic happen. We are SO going to be a photographer when and if we grow up.




Our feet were really hurting because we'd worn the trainers that look cool instead of the ones that feel comfortable. So we waited for a train, trying to impress people by looking like we were a photographer.




That man in the blue shirt is looking at us and thinking that we're a photographer. He probably thinks we work for a newspaper. Those girls are stressed. The security men are doing their "bemused" faces. We got a train in about half an hour and eat loads for dinner to make up for doing so much walking.


PHOTOS WE DIDN'T TAKE:

We walked past St Paul's Cathedral and felt sad at how dirty it looks because of the car fumes. Taking a photo of it in such a state would've been rude.

Quite a few other fit asian girls.

Someone French crying about not winning the Olympics

This is an even better photograph than the one of the Vietnamese child running down that road.

Dancing Daft Punk AIBO winner

Sony's competition to make an AIBO dance to Daft Punk has ended, as competitions tend to do, by a winner being announced.

The winner is very good. You should look at the video of it.

Here is the video of it

"Welcome to Build Your Own PVR"

It's about how to record telly on your PC.

Again, this is just a personal note reminding us of what we're going to do tonight.

It will be fun.

*STIFLE TEARS*

Build Your Own PVR :: Why Tivo When you can Freevo?

Creative Zen Sleek -- 20Gb, nicer case

So there's the Neeon -- 5Mb for around £110 -- now the new Zen Sleek, a cooler, smaller and more iPod Mini-like reworking of Creative's slightly chunky standard Zen range.



THIS IS WHAT IT DOES AND HAS:
-MP3/WMA playback
-FM Radio
-Built-in mic for voice recording
-16 hour battery life
-£200 RRP
-Really?
-Oh.

Budweiser's caffeine enhanced beer "BE"

Great. Now when you're stupid, obnoxious and drunk, you won't even have the get out clause of collapsing asleep.



"BE, which stands for Beer with Extra, is being marketed at people aged 18 to 34 who like to drink in bars and clubs."

BBC NEWS | UK | Caffeine beer sparks binge fears

Vodafone launches 3G Samsung Z500

And this is the new 3G cellphone for men and people other than the Sex and the City demographic. The Samsung Z500 looks boring and serious, but it lets you download music and videos at a MASSIVELY INFLATED PRICE so you'll no doubt be able to get it for free in the hope you shovel money in their direction to watch blocky R&B videos of, say, Ciara or Jay Z.



On the screen is a photo we took of our real friends.

EVERYTHING ABOUT IT:
1 megapixel camera with x2 zoom
50 Mb internal and 256Mb Transflash memory
Large 262,000 TFT colour display
Bluetooth
Dimensions: 89 x 45 x 25 mm
Weight: 95g
Battery Life: talktime 4 hrs, standby 200 hrs (EVEN THIS IS A MASSIVE EXAGGERATION AND LITTLE MORE THAN A LIE, A LIE WHICH THE ENTIRE MOBILE PHONE INDUSTRY IS HAPPY TO PROPOGATE BECAUSE IT KNOWS US STUPID PEOPLE WILL NEVER COMPLAIN WHEN OUR PHONE BATTERIES START ONLY LASTING FOR TWO DAYS EVEN IF WE DON'T ACTUALLY USE THEM. 200 HOURS IS OVER EIGHT DAYS! PHONES DON'T LAST FOR EIGHT DAYS! EVER! NOT EVEN ON THE FIRST TIME YOU EVER SWITCH THEM ON WHEN THEY COME OUT OF THE CHINESE SWEATSHOP. JESUS CHRIST, STOP LYING TO US.)

Vodafone launches 3G Sony Ericsson V600i

Out now!

Vodafone's new Sony Ericsson V600i is obviously for women, women who drink Manhattans even though they'd rather have a Bacardi Breezer or just eight Twixes and a Bounty. It does video calling, which you won't use, has a radio which won't really work properly AND you won't use, all of which makes it ideal for women to take photos of their female friends with, then not bother even using the camera ever again. Look:



Those are our female friends. Jane, and, er, Mary. They're mad!! Especially Mary, because she sicks up her dinner and gets drunk really quickly and starts crying and shouting and trying to get off with men on the bus home.

EVERYTHING ABOUT IT:
1.3 megapixel camera with light and 4x zoom
37Mb internal memory
262,000 TFD colour screen
Internet Browsing
Dimensions:104.3 x 45 x 19.2 mm
Weight: 105g
Battery Life: talktime 8.25 hrs, standby 370 hrs (HA HA HA! THEY ALWAYS SAY THIS, BUT WHY DO OUR PHONES ONLY STAY CHARGED FOR JUST UNDER TWO DAYS? EVEN THE NEW ONES THAT WE LOSE RUN OUT AFTER A DAY OF JUST SITTING THERE NOT EVEN BEING USED. IT'S A DISGRACE THAT PHONE COMPANIES GET AWAY WITH LYING TO US LIKE THIS. IF YOU'RE GOING TO LIE ABOUT BATTERY LIFE, AT LEAST MAKE IT BELIEVABLE. LIKE, SAY IT LASTS FOR FOUR DAYS, THEN WE'LL ONLY BE MILDLY DISAPPOINTED WHEN OURS GOES FLAT AFTER TWO. 370 HOURS IS 15 DAYS! FIFTEEN FUCKING DAYS! NO PHONE WILL EVER LAST FOR FIFTEEN FUCKING DAYS!!! STOP LYING YOU FUCKING LYING FUCKING PHONE SCUM!! )

PSP running as a web server

Another life sadly wasted :(

Emuholic -- PSP HTTD server

Siemens S75 and SL75 -- silver-er

Siemens has decided that "Zirconia" is what it's going to call "silver" from now on, with "piano black" joining the list of two colours its new slidey S75 is going to come in. This is the SL75, which looks the same, but a bit nicer:



Less importantly than how NICE IT LOOKS, the SL75 seems rather average in terms of specs -- bluetooth, MP3 playback, and a 1.3megapixel camera.

Probably meant for women, and, you know, sensitive men.

Pornstar Bears

Up your arse, Beanie Babies!



"Uuhhh! Release your padding over my fabric. I said RELEASE YOUR PADDING OVER MY FABRIC, BIG TED!"

The OFFICIAL Pornstar Bears website

Quake on mobile phone

It looks just like Quake.

Today's going to drag.



Oh yes, sorry, we forgot to cynically point out how it'll be SHITE and TOTALLY UNPLAYABLE on a stupid mobile phone keypad, like all the other piece o' shit cash-ins being churned out on "Java platforms" these days.