Our Christmas present has arrived!

Just in the nick of time, and she's still alive thanks to the air holes!



Only $9,999 including shipping from Hungary. Full review next year.

Merry Christmas, idiots!

Fujifilm makes some USB memory "Pen Drives"

They don't seem to work as pens, but are "an ideal stocking filler for a gadget-loving friend or relative" according to Fujifilm, and maybe if they'd sent this press release out before the last posting day for Christmas they'd have had a point.



Fujifilm USB 2.0 Hi-Speed Pen Drives are available now at the suggested retail prices of £24.99 (256MB), £39.99 (512MB) and £59.99 (1GB). A model that actually works as a PEN may be out later next year.

Make your iPod nano BIGGER and UGLIER with the Otter Box!

We concede your iPod nano is perhaps slightly less likely to break in one of these ugly plastic things from the 1970s, but even so.



ON VACATION AND MORE!
"With its lightweight, thin design, the OtterBox for iPod nano is the most versatile nano case on the market," said Curt Richardson, CEO of Otter Products, LLC. "The case provides a compact enclosure for ideal protection."

Unlike other cases on the market, users can take the OtterBox for iPod nano virtually anywhere -- to the beach, working out, on vacation and more!

And the bar! To the cinema! To your dad's new girlfriend's house! To the alley where the drug users hang out! Anywhere!

New "Capsule House" to solve Tokyo's housing crisis

It's the smallest house in the world! Designed as a complete "Personal Housing Solution" the Capsule House is the ideal compact living environment for busy Japanese workers.



The new MyHouse MiniCapsule House requires no planning permission and can be taken with you, left outside your office or the bar, then slept in -- leaving you refreshed and ready to face another busy day!

UniPom Pom Poms announces new UltraLite SuperPom

Las Vegas, December 14.

The new UltraLite SuperPom Pom Pom is the ultimate Pom Pom for all your cheerleading needs. Light and versatile, it's ideal for beginner, intermediate and advanced cheerleaders of all size and weight divisions.



Mike De La Rocha, Chief Operating Executive of Operating Divisions, says "We're onto a winner! The UltraLite SuperPom Pom Pom is an evolution of the MegaPom, and we're confident cheerleaders the world over will be jumping -- for joy! -- when they get their hands on it".

LOTS MORE UNIPOM POM POM PHOTOS HERE:
UniPom Pom Poms PRESS ARCHIVE

Honda Asimo, the $1bn teasmaid

The latest revision of Honda's Asimo robot can now... WALK WITH A TRAY. It can also push a trolley. Well done. Billions of dollars well spent, there.



If you want a tray held or pushed, it's best to hire a 21-year-old Australian tourist who's working her way around Europe. They're cheaper and will have sex with you if you just ask.



On the plus side, it can hold your hand. So might be a nice gift for lonely single men this Christmas.

LAUGH AT THE PATHETIC ROBOT HERE:
Honda Worldwide | HDTV | ASIMO

WHAT HONDA SHOULD'VE DEVELOPED INSTEAD:

Home wanking machines.

Portable wanking machines.

Office wanking machines.

Wi-Fi public wanking machines.

Train/plane wanking machines.

Realistic flesh.

Team HEWLETT PACKARD storms to victory in synchronised printer display tournament

Think printers, think boring, uninteresting beige lumps.

Well THINK AGAIN!



The three-woman HEWLETT PACKARD in-house display team brings the HP Color LaserJet 3700 printer series to life! Look at the fanning work there, such attention! Such care!

Many have criticised HP for its "hothousing" of young female employees, particularly the way they're forced into brutal training camps and forced to hold barbed wire UNTIL THEY BLOODY WELL LEARN, but when the results are this good -- who cares?

The ULTRALONG SELF- LUBRICATING RIBBED FEMALE PLEASURE SYSTEM, from Venus Interactive

"Desperate Housewives" star Teri Hatcher receives the first model off the production line:



FOR MORE INFORMATION, DO THIS:
Imagine something about it.

Motorola and Burton get (Audex) coat

It's another one of those jackets with things like Bluetooth in it. It is, in short "outerwear that acts as the control center for handsfree communication and entertainment while on the slopes". Wow.

But who wants a coat that breaks?



HA HA HA! A BLUETOOTH COAT!
"The new Audex jacket allows winter sports enthusiasts to experience seamless connectivity -- at the touch of a button -- from one environment to the next. The product was jointly developed by Motorola and Burton to bring wearable technology to active consumers

'Music and technology are a huge part of the snowboard culture,' says Bryan Johnston, Burton's VP of Global Marketing. 'The Audex line makes it easier than ever to listen to music and pick up calls whether you're riding up the lift or grabbing a taxi downtown.

At the center of the Audex jacket is a control panel located on the left-hand sleeve, allowing for simple and easy access to your incoming and outgoing calls, and music selections. Connect a Bluetooth-enabled mobile phone to the panel wirelessly, while hooking up your iPod player via hidden, unobtrusive wires within the jacket. Speakers and a microphone are located in the hood for taking and making calls as well as listening to music.

The Audex jacket is the first in a line of products co-developed by Motorola and Burton. The next products, the Audex Protective Gear, will be available starting in 2006. The gear includes the Audex Helmet and Audex Padded Hat, both equipped with Bluetooth stereo headphones, featuring easy-to-use control buttons for convenient and wireless on-the-go talking or music-listening.

The Bluetooth-enabled Audex Jacket Series is now available online and Burton specialty shops. Costs range from $599.95 for the jacket. .'"

US TV shows for sale on iTunes

That didn't take them long. It's another exciting way to give money to Apple for things you'd usually just steal off the internet for free or watch on TV for free!



"NBC Universal and Apple today (BY "TODAY" THEY MEAN DECEMBER 6th, AS THAT'S HOW OLD THIS "NEWS" IS) announced an unprecedented lineup of new primetime, cable, late-night and classic TV shows, including primetime hits such as 'The Office' on the iTunes Music Store"

ADVICE FOR APPLE:
You should advise your iPod video buyers to use Bittorrent instead! It's easy and FREE and has a much wider range of programming and music! Plus you'd save loads of money in bandwidth costs from people downloading all that stuff off your server.

The 2006 Nike AirMax 360

Another bunch of marketing idiots have decided that "360" really fits in with their branding plans:



It's the new 2006 Nike Air Max 360. They've called it the "360" because, apparently, according to Nike, your foot is cushioned 360-degrees by the air-filled sole. Which it CLEARLY IS NOT. What about the top? Is THAT BIT cushioned by the air-filled sole? No. The sides? No. The back of the heel? No. Idiots!

WHY ARE MARKETING PEOPLE CALLING EVERYTHING "360" THESE DAYS?

"It encompasses the entire lifestyle of the user"

"It facilitates all angles of possible use"

"It's inoffensive and vague"

"Someone else used it and we thought it sounded cool"

Creative's ZEN VISION:M

We really like this. Mainly because of Creative's official use of CAPITAL LETTERS. It's not the Zen Vision:M it's the ZEN VISION:M! It's LOADS more EXCITING when they DO THINGS LIKE THAT, plus it comes in pink for... anyone who likes pink.



THE SPECS, WHICH BASICALLY BOIL DOWN TO A 30gb HARD DRIVE, WITH A BATTERY LIFE OF 14 HOURS FOR MUSIC AND 4 HOURS FOR VIDEO PLAYING

120 hours of movies
Big screen blockbusters, yesterday's picnic with your best friends, and even your favorite TV shows4. They now fit in your pocket and are perfect for sharing. ZEN VISION:M supports many video formats, such as DivX™ 4 & 55, XviD5, MPEG-1, MPEG-2, MPEG4-SP, WMV9 and Motion-JPEG, which simply means more choice and less restrictions on the types of video formats you can use.

Tens of thousands of photos
View precious memories - tens of thousands of them - in 262,144 vivid colors at 320 x 240 resolution. Featuring a True Resolution image display, you can now view any photo you import without loss in quality or having to resize it. Take a closer look at your photos with the Zoom function, or scroll through your entire photo collection easily with the touchpad.

An amazing 15,000 songs
Perfect for taking with you on the road or around the house. Your music will sound as good as it looks, thanks to Creative's world-renowned audio clarity, custom equalizer and 8 preset EQ settings.

Movie and Photo Slideshows
Connect the ZEN VISION:M to a projector or TV with the video cable, and delight friends with big screen movie magic.

2.5 high-resolution LCD screen
Watch movies and photos in their full glory on the large 2.5" LCD screen, even under bright lighting. Displaying up to 262,144 vibrant colors, get crisp, clear detail in every image in high-definition 320 x 240 resolution.

Vertical Touch Pad
Ergonomically designed, the innovative touch pad control enables quick, comfortable access to menus and settings.

Rechargeable Li-ion battery
Enjoy up to 14 hours of music, or 4 hours of movies with the rechargeable Li-Ion battery. Perfect for watching an entire movie non-stop anywhere you are.

FM radio & recorder
If 15,000 songs aren't enough, listen to more with the integrated FM radio. 32 station presets let you switch stations whenever you want.

Personal Organizer
Store and view all the information that's important to you - daily tasks, contact lists and even a calendar. ZEN VISION:M syncs easily with Microsoft Outlook, and lets you edit your information with Creative Media Explorer.

Voice recorder
Meetings, lectures, even voice memos to yourself - record them all with the integrated voice recorder, which stores hundreds of hours worth of recordings.

Full access to online music stores
Select from more than a million songs from a myriad of online music stores - Napster To Go, Yahoo! Music Unlimited, Rhapsody To Go, and so much more. With PlaysForSure support, you will always be able to play any digital music you purchase.

Fits your life perfectly
Select from an extensive line of accessories that make ZEN VISION:M the perfect companion. Pamper and protect your player with the chic leather case and LCD screen protector. Or choose from the wired remote, docking station, and car adaptor kit designed to make life easier.

ZEN VISION:M - Loads of entertainment without the load.

Portable Firefox 1.5

This is a mini Firefox you can run off (off of) a USB memory stick, so you can take all your passwords and bookmarks with you.



It's the sort of thing people that are hardcore into the internet will use, people that have got (a) Flickr Premium accounts, (b) del.i:ci-.ou./u//s accounts and (c) RSS feed readers.

We'll maybe start using it in three years.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT IT:
"It leaves no personal information behind on the machine you run it on"

Portable Firefox | PortableApps.com

*JINGLE* Weird sex thing of the weeeeek!

JESUS CHRIST, HAIRY ARMS?



Flickr: Photos from girl_with_hairyarms

"Brick-it" -- a soap opera for mobile phones

Each episode is five minutes long. For when you're at the bus stop. Or waiting for the adult to buy you those cigarettes. Or waiting for Laratisha to finish eating that kebab and shagging Chris.



THE STUFF THEY SAID ABOUT IT SO YOU KNOW IT'S NOT A JOKE:
Farringdon Road Films announce the UK launch of 'Brick-it' the first soap series to be made exclusively for mobile phones. The series will launch at the end of January 2006 with a new five minute episode available every weekday to all video enabled phones.

This is the first time that a team with experience in television and feature films has turned its skills to the very different mobile platform. The series also boasts some of the best young actors in the country, whose experience ranges from Harry Potter to Eastenders. The content guarantees to show off 3G capabilities at their best while remaining impactful on 2½G devices.

This is the first ongoing video content to be produced specifically for mobile devices, with an emphasis on close-ups and a fast-paced plotline that takes as much from 24 as Hollyoaks. The distribution deal for 'Brick-it' has yet to be finalised, and the company is adamant that episodes should be affordable and its users protected from hidden charges and mobile spamming. Subscribers will be able to watch it anytime and anywhere throughout the day.

Farringdon Road Films series director Henry Mason comments 'This represents a major step-change in the production of downloadable content. Written and shot entirely for mobiles, we have produced an exciting and highly addictive soap series that people will be able to watch wherever they are, whenever they have five minutes to spare. This is surely the future of entertainment.' "

A mobile phone -- for fucking DOGS

If you really hate your dog, why not strap a microwave transmitter permanently to the side of its head so it dies really quickly from a brain tumour?



On the plus side you'll know where to find its corpse, and while it's still alive you can call it, then say "Dinner!" and your dog will come for dinner! It also has a "two way communication ability" so your dog can talk back -- presumably telling you it wants sausages for dinner (or, if you've trained it really well, what kind of sausages it wants for dinner).

MORE MADNESS HERE:
Pets Mobility

IT'S BOUND TO BE A VIRAL "JOKE":
The PetsCellTM - the first voice enabled waterproof GPS cell phone optimized for animals, will be available for distribution early in 2006. Measuring approximately 5 cm's wide, 2.5 cm's thick and 9.4 cm's long, the PetsCellTM sets the standard for GPS tacking devices for pets. Incorporating industry leading GPS technology, the 2-way communication ability of the PetsCellTM will deliver a consistency and quality of fixes across a spectrum encompassing conditions that existing pet tracking devices will not match. With remote programmable geo-fence capability and a temperature sensor accompanied with a variety of other attachable devices, the PetsCellTM will quite simply be the standard against which all other pet tracking devices are measured. The PetsMobilityTM PetsCellTM is the solution for lost pets.

PetsMoTM - PetsMobilityTM 's online community for pet lovers. PetsMoTM is a forum based website where pet lovers from around the world can interact on variety of pet related subject matters with other like minded people. At www.petsmo.com, pet lovers can engage in discussions about pet related lifestyle issues, off leash parks, petstrology, pet dating, veterinarian, breeds, events, instant messaging, chat forum, news and articles. By the fourth quarter 2006, PetsMoTM will be launched in over 25 North American and selected International cities around the world.

Ruff MediaTM
PetsMobilityTM's e-median division, "Ruff MediaTM" has been set up to take advantage of the growing functionality that cell phones and hand held devices are playing in the everyday lives of consumers. PetsMobility has created proprietary content that will facilitate the interaction between retailers and consumers in the form of streamed sponsored infotainment.

Two more photos of that bird who was holding that mobile phone

Seeing as you all went so crazy over her. These are the only other two we have, and no, we don't know her name (otherwise she'd be dead and we'd be in the bathroom saying "Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no").





That's your lot. Now it's back to SERIOUS GADGET NEWS.

Korea seems to be building a "robot army"

We await photos of women holding one, before being TORN LIMB FROM LIMB.

"...the Army and the Agency for Defense Development (ADD) are seriously planning the introduction of a range of robotic weaponry from 2010-2015."

"Experts hail combat robots as economical weapons that can carry out military operations in dangerous battlefields without causing casualties. The ADD said development of the various robot weapons would cost W800-900 billion by 2018, and by that time, Korea will have emerged as one of the world’s three big robot technology powers."

Korean ROBOT ARMY, due 2018

Women pretend to like football for promotional purposes

Superb "I'm really enjoying myself" acting from upcoming Korean 'Pretend Enjoyer' Myang Yin (left):



That's the best pretend enjoyment we've seen so far at this year's GILLETTE VENUS Look Like You're Enjoying The Football World Championships! The Koreans have a very strong youth system and it's really paying off.



Although the same still image is displayed in both photos, which leads us to believe this is a FAKE. If the original image was a kitten in a basket they'll both face CERTAIN DISQUALIFICATION and life bans.

Nokia hasn't announced any new phones today :(

We're worried about Nokia. Something may have happened at Nokia. Maybe a fire. If anyone knows anyone at Nokia can they please get in touch and make sure everything is OK with them.

It's most unlike Nokia to not announce any phones for a day, and we're very worried indeed. If you work for Nokia PLEASE get in touch and let us know you’re all OK.

Nokia's three new phones for Thursday December 1, 2005

FIRST: Nokia 6234 (exclusively for Vodafone, looks a bit "Pay As You Go" (IDEA: We're going to start using "Pay As You Go" as an insult from now on! If something looks rubbish, you say it looks "A bit Pay As You Go".

We invented that RIGHT THERE AND NOW, so if you ever hear anyone use it remember we started it -- and say you were THERE when it was invented).



SECOND: Nokia 6233 "a classically designed model tailored for business and entertainment". This also looks a bit PAY AS YOU GO (it's catching on already).



THIRD: Nokia 6282 (a bit rubbish, for America, looks quite Pay As You Go)



They look quite basic and a bit... PAY AS YOU GO. Not for us.

USA Security Products Personal Bomb Safety Vest

Get your revenge in first with the USA Security Products Personal Bomb Safety Vest! No olive-skinned terrorist will DARE blow you up if they know YOU can blow them up right back -- BACK TO HELL! (or back to whatever place it is that bad Islamics go to when they die).



IDEAL FOR:

Christian fundamentalists

Peace of mind

Hunting