The Nokia N72 is the one that's for girls

And possibly gay media workers who upload 4.2GB of photos of their cats to Flickr every day, but let's not start that again.



It's a photo of girl. Your BEST FRIEND, who you've just been SHOPPING with and eaten some CAKE with on the way home! Maybe you'll watch Sex in the City later, while talking about how horrible men are!



Listed below are all the features you won't be able to understand how to use:

EDITED BITS OF THE PRESS RELEASE, BECAUSE A WHOLE ONE IS TOO MUCH:

In pearl pink or gloss black, this compact package has high-perfomance multimedia at its core, wrapped in a beautiful design. The Nokia N72 offers the benefits of versatile photography, entertainment and personal productivity to people who value style as much as high performance.

The Nokia N72 allows you to tailor your multimedia device to match your interests, whether music, imaging or entertainment content, all in a stylish design you will be proud to own.

We drew on the relationship people have with things that inspire great performances, like the world's finest grand piano or the perfect handcrafted writing pen. We wanted to play with contrast and detail to create drama within the product - and the end result is a beautiful device that creates its own signature at the same time that it draws you in.

The pearl pink and gloss black versions of the Nokia N72 have digital textures on the back, which personalize the device. "The overall design makes a strong statement for the Nokia N72 as a multimedia computer, but the digital textures, or graphics, on the back add a subtlety of personal ownership, that it is my device," Sermon adds.

Morph your Nokia N72 into a digital camera by sliding open the active lens cover.

Kneel before your new Syncmaster

The SyncMaster745MS is a CRT monitor, only using some alternate system thing called CDT so it's a bit smaller. We're only mentioning it because of the HOT PROMOTIONAL PHOTOGRAPH:



The cherry is a great touch. Cherry-touching whore.

Women holding their flowers apart

Beautiful work by Samsung Chief Executive of Global Product Display Yun-Chi Wang (left) and her assistant Lin Heng. Colour-coordinated clothing, lovely smiles, immaculate nails - and the planning that went into that flower arrangement beggars belief.



They're modelling the Samsung 'Skin'. Which is a phone, probably with a camera.

OTHER THINGS THE PHONE PROBABLY HAS:

Some memory

Number storage facility

Rechargeable battery (10,000,000 hours standby*)

Microphone for voice chat

Calendar

MMS (text) messaging

Preset ringing alert tones

*May vary according to conditions

The Nokia N93 is about films

It's about films, because it can record movies.



You can also hold the N93 a bit like you'd hold a camcorder, and Nokia's given Gary Oldman lots of money to make a short film on it. Other than that, it's just a phone with a camera on it.



They might as well just SAY they're going all-out for the home pornography market, and get Kate from Kate's Playground to make a movie on it. That's the real reason 3G exists.

Nokia Introduces the Next Story in Video with the Nokia N93

Digital camcorder and multimedia computer in one easy-to-use compact package

Berlin, Germany and Hong Kong, China - Nokia today introduced the Nokia N93, the ultimate mobile device for spontaneous video recording. Offering uncompromised digital camcorder, telephony and rich Internet communication functionalities, the Nokia N93 features a 3.2 megapixel camera with Carl Zeiss optics, DVD-like video capture and 3x optical zoom. You can connect the Nokia N93 directly to your TV for a widescreen movie experience or upload your images and video to online albums or blogs. Moreover, you can create high-quality home movies and burn them to DVD with the included Adobe Premiere Elements 2.0 software.

"The Nokia N93 marks a new era in the digital camcorder market," said Anssi Vanjoki, executive vice president and general manager of Multimedia, Nokia. "Incorporating all the features you need for great quality movie-making, the Nokia N93 is a fantastic example of a multimedia computer with true digital camcorder performance at its core. Thanks to its connectivity, it allows you to immediately share the memories you've captured, taking the entire camcorder experience to the Internet age."

Intuitive and Spontaneous Capture
Offering the best mobile video and photography experience, the Nokia N93 is packed with exceptional camera features that enable high-quality photos and DVD-like quality video. Unfold and twist the main display, and the Nokia N93 is ready to shoot video and photos using the color landscape display as a full screen viewfinder. Whether special events or just fun, impromptu everyday life, you can capture moments conveniently and impulsively and share them with others as they happen.

Featuring MPEG-4 VGA video capture at 30 frames per second, the Nokia N93 delivers an unparalleled video experience with stereo audio recording and digital stabilization, enabling smooth and shake-free movies. The Nokia N93 incorporates a 3.2 megapixel (2048 x 1536 pixels) camera with a Carl Zeiss Vario-Tessar lens, 3x optical zoom and up to 20x digital zoom, as well as autofocus and close-up mode for amazing clarity and accuracy. Furthermore, the Nokia N93 has an active camera toolbar which displays all available capture features, from exposure value to color tones and white balance. There are dedicated keys for shutter, zoom and flash and also a camera mode key that enables you to switch quickly and easily between image and video capture.

The Nokia N93 features large internal memory of up to 50 MB, which can be further expanded with a hot swap miniSD card of up to 2 GB, allowing users to capture up to 90 minutes of DVD-like quality video or close to 2500 high-quality photos. Furthermore, you can easily transfer your photos and video from the memory card to a compatible PC for storage, and yet always carry a collection of your favorite resized images on the Nokia N93.

Joy of Sharing
Sharing your photos and video clips captured with the Nokia N93 is a snap. Show off your content on the up to 262,144 color 2.4" QVGA display (240 x 320 pixels) featuring a super-wide 160 degree viewing angle. Share your uncompressed photos and video clips instantly via email, Bluetooth technology or by uploading them directly from the Gallery to compatible blogs. You can even share your captured memories with family and friends on a large compatible TV screen, using either the included TV cable or wirelessly over integrated WLAN and UPnP (Universal Plug and Play) technology. Furthermore, from browsing the web to reading your emails and office documents, you can even play games on the Nokia N93 using the screen of your compatible TV.

Creativity Made Easy
While editing your photos and video clips directly on the Nokia N93 is simple, you can also easily transfer them to your compatible PC, allowing for more creative control over your video output. The standard Nokia N93 sales pack comes bundled with Adobe Premiere Elements 2.0, which makes it easy to import video clips, photos and music and to start experimenting with hundreds of transitions and effects, as well as create professional looking home videos with customizable templates. And to top it off, you can effortlessly burn those great home movies to DVD and export formats for Web streaming and email.

Multifunctional Mobile Computing and Connectivity
Part of the Nokia Nseries multimedia computer range, the Nokia N93 offers great functionality in one beautifully shaped connected device. Designed to work on WLAN, 3G (WCDMA 2100 MHz), EDGE and GSM (900/1800/1900 MHz) networks, the Nokia N93 provides broadband Internet access for browsing, uploading content, and sending and receiving emails, allowing you to stay connected on the move. You can also set the device on a surface, flip the display horizontally and use the landscape screen to browse the Web, watch TV* over 3G networks, or make hands-free video calls*.

All Round Entertainment
The Nokia N93 includes a stereo FM radio and a digital music player that offer a fantastic music experience. You can create playlists and enjoy your music hands-free via the speaker or use the stereo headset provided. With the Nokia Music Manager, you can also easily rip your CDs and transfer your music collection to your phone. In addition, you can store up to 1500 songs on your Nokia N93 with a separately available 2 GB miniSD card. You can also enjoy high-quality 3D games with the pre-installed N-Gage franchise System Rush: Evolution.

The Nokia N93, which is based on S60 3rd Edition software on Symbian OS, is expected to become commercially available in July 2006 with an estimated, unsubsidized sales price of approximately 550 euros.

Nokia N93, Nokia N73 and Nokia N72 all with Flickr support

Trendy webmaster fucks rejoice! You can now send photos of your university mates in that Wetherspoons in Shoreditch straight to your Flickr account, thanks to Nokia's new N-Series phones that support Flickr uploads without any other applications required.

This is the N73. It is, get ready for this, a "stunning multimedia computer in a compact and savvy exterior with exquisite photography features".



It is, to put it another way, "a fucking phone with a camera on it".

Digitally Divine Nokia N73 - the Ultimate Challenge to the Digital Camera

Berlin, Germany and Hong Kong, China - Nokia today unveiled the latest addition to the Nokia Nseries family, the Nokia N73, a stunning multimedia computer in a compact and savvy exterior with exquisite photography features and integrated stereo speakers with 3D sound for optimized audio pleasure. In addition to a large 2.4 inch display, the Nokia N73 includes a 3.2 megapixel camera with Carl Zeiss optics, autofocus and support for Internet communities like Flickr - a package ready to challenge any digital camera.

"The ideal companion for the digital camera lover, the Nokia N73 is as easy to use as it is compact to carry. Imagine, stunning print quality photos and multimedia are just a slide and a click away, ready to be shared immediately, said Juha Putkiranta, senior vice president, Multimedia Computers, Nokia. "Being able to intuitively capture, edit and share your digital memories is at the core of the Nokia N73, which also offers the enriched multimedia experiences of the Nokia Nseries range. The joy of using the Nokia N73 extends beyond the actual device, by fusing people to their passions and with others who share them. The Nokia N73 is truly a camera for the Internet age, enabling people to share their photos on the Web in an instant, on Flickr or other photo sharing communities."

Smile for the Camera
No need to plan for the perfect shot - spontaneous photography is inevitable when using the Nokia N73. A high-quality 3.2 megapixel (2048 x 1536 pixels) camera with Carl Zeiss optics, the Nokia N73 provides 'real' photo quality up to 10" x 8" (25 x 20 cm). Thanks to the mechanical shutter and advanced autofocus, photos are sharper, boasting crisp detail with reduced movement distortion, even in low light conditions. Once you've snapped your photos or videos, viewing them is a simple pleasure on the large, high resolution 2.4 inch full screen landscape viewfinder.

Share the Moment
Scrolling through your images and video clips is like flipping through a photoalbum - and this one is in your pocket. Display photos instantly on the beautiful screen, edge to edge, by simply pressing the dedicated review key. The powerful and intuitive active toolbar interface provides a one-touch selection to effortlessly send photos via email, Bluetooth connectivity or MMS, print or upload them onto an Internet community.

Impress your friends by creating a slideshow, complete with your own soundtrack - simply select your favorite images and digital tunes, and enjoy the 3D sound effects reverberating from the integrated stereo speakers.

Intuitive and Intelligent
Less than 90cc, the high-performing Nokia N73 not only travels with you, but also has intuitive functionality for additional ease-of-use. In fact, every aspect of the Nokia N73 has been designed to make photography easy. The dedicated controls for capture, zoom and review, together with the active toolbar interface provide intuitive and fast control of key camera functions.

With Nokia XpressTransfer, organizing and moving your images and videos onto a compatible PC is simple. Choose your favorites for immediate printing with Nokia XpressPrint, or select them for convenient printing at a later time from the active toolbar.

Need It
The Nokia N73 meets a multitude of the everyday user's needs - in one pocketable device. Available in 3G or quadband EDGE/GSM networks, the Nokia N73 has all the diversity of a powerful multimedia computer enabled with the S60 3rd Edition Software on Symbian OS. Music fans can tap into the Nokia N73's integrated digital music player with playlists and equalizer or tune into the FM radio, or simply enjoy productivity features like email, office applications, organizer, synchronization with a compatible PC and browse the Internet with the Nokia Web Browser with Mini Map. See who you are calling and who calls you with the front VGA camera, enabled for video calling*.

The Nokia N73 is expected be available from July 2006, in three beautifully designed color combinations: silver grey/deep plum, frost white/metallic red and frost white/mocha brown.

Rubbish World Cup tie-in #1: Toshiba Dynabook TX/870LS

Think football, think Toshiba 1.66-GHz Intel Core Duo T2300 CPU with 512MB of memory, 15.4-inch WXGA display with Clear SuperView, 80GB hard drive, DVD Super Multi drive (DVD±R DL), 802.11a/b/g Wi-Fi, 4-in-1 memory card reader, USB 2.0 ports, FireWire port and Windows XP Home.



That case is gold, too, which will really help it get stolen. It's the Toshiba Dynabook TX/870LS FIFA World Cup edition laptop. They're only making 600 of them, which is some sort of good news.

Panasonic's Blu-Ray writer

Great news. The technology no one wants is getting nearer. Blu-Ray -- which many observers are saying is equally as pointless as HD-DVD -- is nearly here. Panasonic's Blu-Ray writer will be out in June, for something stupid like $800 (not a joke price, that's the actual price).



But it won't play movies. That requires "special software" apparently. It's pointless. The future does not lie in discs designed to not work unless you've got the right kind of cable and TV.

IT CAN:

Read BD, DVD and CD

Write BD-R, BD-RE, DVD±R/RW, DVD-RAM and CD-R/RW.

An entirely justified photo of a woman

She's using the Datel Communicator, a headset thing for the Nintendo DS. It's a rubbish photo. A half-smile and no eye-contact, the bitch is phoning this performance in from her ivory fucking tower. They should've flown over a couple of hot Korean chicks. They only cost 50p a day and always give you a 'happy ending'.



Now even DS games can be ruined by having to talk to people and listen to people :(

THE PRICE:
Ten quid.

A little MPEG4 recorder for PSP

A little MPEG4 recorder that can rip stuff from TV, camcorder, DVD player and satellite outputs, then whack it all on a Memory Stick for you in PSP-friendly MPEG4 format.



It comes with an "AV/RCA" cable, which means it records in shitty low-res composite video. Still, it'll do. Not quite as good as downloading things off the internet for free, but still quite nice.

THE STUPID THINGS ABOUT IT:

That remote control

It costs £149

Woman AMAZED by computer

Not only that, but a computer that's showing football! This is the best pretend-amazed acting we've ever seen.



It's an LG laptop. One that LG calls the LG LW25. It's dual-core, has a 12.1" widescreen screen, and can almost certainly go on the internet.

OTHER THINGS IT CAN PROBABLY DO:

- Let you stalk women on MySpace

- Leave an incriminating history file of all the porn you've downloaded for your mum to find after you die

- Stop working because of a virus

- Not play the particular format of movie you've just downloaded

- Get stolen

The iRiver E10 MP3 thing

Kind of pretty. 6GB, 1.5" colour screen for playing porn on if you've got good eyes, and it looks cool without being by Apple.



Fortunately, we're so stuck in our ways that we only ever listen to three albums from 1995. And we're bored of them now so there's no need to buy portable music players. Quids in! More money for reality-numbing drugs and trainers!

Google Calendar comes pre-loaded with all our social engagements

See that white space? That's Google's amazing search algorithms automatically knowing that we're wasting our lives doing nothing.



DETAILED LISTING:

APRIL 12 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 13 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 14 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 15 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 16 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 17 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 18 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 19 - Watch TV without being able to concentrate.
APRIL 20 - Die in wanking accident.
...
...
JUNE 17, 2012 - Council Tax bailiffs discover decomposed body.

Google Calendar

iSplash iPod waterproof speakers

The only fluid this will get splashed on it is student DJ/web designer spunk:



It's the ZipConnect iSplash, a sort of waterproof iPod case with speakers, so you can play your stupid fucking bootleg mashups in everyone's face. All the time. Even at the beach. Great.

'The Crossover' debuts at Korean Electronics expo

A dangerous but high-scoring move, the CROSSOVER requires extreme concentration, dedication and focus.



She's demonstrating the Samsung "platinum card phone" SCH-V870. It's 8.9mm thick and looks a bit like a calculator.

IT CAN ALSO:

Play MP3s

Take 1.3megapixel photos

Do that video stuff