Windows Photoshop Cs2

Saturday, December 30, 2006

The shit presents we actually got

Christmas 2006 was even worse than initially predicted.

Generic Man Gift, £3.99

Next year we're asking everyone for money, even if it's just the £3.99 this generic man present cost.

Grandad present from supermarket, £3

Have we suddenly become 65 years old? We should be getting urban presents like scarves and satchels and Waitrose gift vouchers, not hankies.

Not bothering at all next year, priceless

Not bothering at all next year, priceless

There were more along the same lines as the above, but it was getting too depressing taking all the photos. The Jehovahs have the right idea about all this nonsense.

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

The batteries of Christmas - Huanyu

If Santa was nice enough to buy you a BT cordless phone, he might've cut costs a little bit by sticking ultra-cheap Huanyu batteries in the box instead of Duracells:

Huanyu - Proud to be bought in bulk by British Telecom

Huanyu - Proud to be bought in bulk by British Telecom

Huanyu - for power that lasts only halfway through the thankyou phone call to granddad.

Did you get any nice batteries inside your tatty electronic gifts this year? Then mail 'em in.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

TINKO - Power that's not just for Christmas

It's Christmas. Everyone needs one very important thing at Christmas...

BATTERIES!

TINKO - Energy for your life

We've lost the email describing the circumstances of the discovery of the Tinko, but it may have been something to do with finding them inside some sort of exercise machine for women.

Our major regret for 2006 is seeing some really cool Fujitsu batteries with a nice retro Asian design, but forgetting to get a photo.

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Friday, December 22, 2006

The shit presents we're actually going to get...

#3: A very small capacity USB drive

64MB of occasionally corrupt space

64MB. What can you fit in 64MB? "He likes computers, let's get him this - and it's only £4.99" was the reasoning behind it. Or it came free with something else. We are all that special.

China Industries MegaMemory Man

What Uncle Paul doesn't realise is that we have two 1GB sticks in our fashionable urban manbag at all times. An additional 64MB isn't really going to help with the transfer of high-def porn movies between the various computers we watch pornography on.

Please insert another 12 devices

Not to mention the constant worry we'd face were we to put anything of any importance on the world's cheapest, non-branded, Taiwanese memory chips.

'All that work you just did NOT FOUND'

In the bin by Boxing Day.

WHAT YOUR SISTER GETS INSTEAD:

An HDTV for the bedroom.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

The shit presents we're actually going to get...

#2: Three DVDs from the HMV three-for-£15 range.

Shit/5

And we'll have to pretend we haven't (a) already seen them at the cinema or (b) downloaded them off Bittorrent or (c) thought they were all shit.

Bollocks stars

We always seem to get a thriller with Denzel Washington in, or something else that Jonathon Ross said was 'passable' if you're housebound and it's on TV.

Notly recommended

And something that's supposed to be funny that we'd never watch, as we're MUCH too busy watching arthouse films by Almodovar and Bertolucci (this means we spend a lot of time wanking over Betty Blue) ever since we moved to a city and had to cultivate some sort of identity based around saying we like arty films.

Two thumbs in director's eyes

On Ebay by Boxing Day.

WHAT YOUR SISTER GETS INSTEAD:

£28k in cash for a deposit on a house

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A terrifying new development in iPod clothing

It's the Tunebuckle. An iPod belt.

"The iPod dock market might be dying, but the retarded-clothing-accessories- for-identikit-Hoxtonite-nu-meeja-cunts-and-students market is clearly alive and well" says Chris, who found this, probably on Gizmodo or Engadget, and sent it in to us.

We can't put it any better than that, so won't try.

The only saving grace is that the makers put loads of photos of TOP MODELS wearing it on their Flickr page:

You also can't go wrong with a patronising photo of the founder and one of the old men from the factory. Who will work in the factories when all the old men die?

THE PLACE OF 1000 HORRORS:
TuneBuckle | Let Go. Free Your Soul.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Something about the Samsung SCH V960

But only because they sent out a nice photo of it:

Samsung SCH V960

It's some kind of new phone. It would appear to have all the numbers including the emerging new number floffleteen, which is the new number that comes after 12 and before 13. The World Number Consortium had to invent this as all the numbers were being rapidly used up by the internet, mobile phones etc.

Floffleteen is only used on Japanese phones at the moment, and even then it's only used to dial floffleteen-floffleteen-floffleteen, which is the Japanese emergency service number for when giant lizards are attacking the government headquarters and immediate assistance is requi

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Commodore Evic MP3 player - exclusive reader accidental purchase review!

A reader bought a cheap MP3 player. Turned out it was a Commodore Evic. Here is a review of how rubbish it is:

I bought a 20GB "generic mp3 player" off of some website for £50 because I work in a pub and have no money. Upon opening the box, it turned out to be a Commodore Evic (see attached photo) which I remember you mentioning some time ago, but you couldn't purchase as the website crashed.

So, so you can see what you missed, here are the features of this "amazing" mp3 player:

1. Can only be charged in the white docking thing, with an obscenely large mains plug. No cigarette lighter charging here!

2. Battery lasts all of 8 hours. Fortunately, I'm too skint to go on 14 hour flights to Brazil so this is not a problem.

3. You can load up m3u playlists, but it only plays one song at a time. When one song finishes, you manually have to select playlist, select the next song, and press play. Rubbish.

4. It took me two days to work out where the shuffle setting was

5. The manual says you can download upgrades at http://www.commodoreworld.com. Sadly, Commodore has erased all trace of the Evic from this website. Hopefully, it'll fuck up badly before the warranty expires and I can have my money back to buy an iRiver off Ebay or something.

6. Are you supposed to be able to hear the hard drive clicking?

What a great review! If you've bought something shit and you'd like to send us a review of it, send us a review of it.

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Monday, December 18, 2006

The shit presents we're actually going to get...

#1: A DVD lens cleaning kit

Merry Christmas!

Forget LCD TVs and digital cameras, nothing says "you're our third-favourite child behind your sister and that nice boy Chris from next door" more than mum rushing into Woolworths on Christmas Eve and buying something vaguely related to a thing she remembers you liking 10 years ago:

Still won't make your PS2 start loading games again

Still won't make your PS2 start loading games again

The worst thing about a DVD lens cleaning kit is the way it comes in a DVD case. You think it might be a good DVD like Superman Returns or Batman Begins, and although you've already seen them in the cinema it would be quite nice to own and have a copy.

Not Anal Trainer 6 :(

But no. It's one of these. Better luck next year.

Rather have a chocolate orange

SHIT PRESENTS THROUGH THE AGES:

1970s: Cassette recorder head cleaning kit
1980s: Video recorder head cleaning kit
1990s: CD player lens cleaning kit

WHAT YOUR SISTER GETS INSTEAD:

A fucking car

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Friday, December 15, 2006

TXT Quiz of the day!

'Needed' is a great word to type on your phone in predictive text, as you get to press the 'def' key FIVE times in a row. So is 'common' as you get to press 'mno' five times too.

Can anyone think of a six-presser word?!

Nokia 6300 - not a prize

The prize on offer is the chance to see your suggestions printed up here on this page beneath this article in the Comments section!

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

ONLINE CHRISTMAS PRESENT LIST #4: Xbox 360 HD-DVD Player

This one's for you, big sister. You've easily got £130 spare, especially now you haven't got to have the baby any more thanks to that backstreet abortion.

Xbox 360 HD-DVD Player

Yes, we know there's no point in HD-DVD as it looks the same as DVD unless you physically press your nose up against the screen (that cost £2000) and count the pixels, but it's not Blu-ray so that means we have to like it. Bloody politics.

Xbox 360 HD-DVD Player

"Not Blu-ray" - 10/10, Idiot Toys.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Creative gets in on the 'docking scene'

It's the PlayDock ZEN. An iPod dock for iPods that aren't an iPod, and are in fact a Creative ZEN.

Creative Zen dock thing

It's for ZEN Vision:M and ZEN V and whatever other ridiculous combination of capital letters and colons Creative calls its MP3 players these days.

Creative Zen dock thing

It can be carried, as confirmed by this official photograph.

YOU CAN ALSO LISTEN TO "ZENcasts" ON IT
We wonder how on earth Creative came up with the idea of calling something a ZENcast? More stuff about it here: Cambridge SoundWorks Zen dock thing.

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Men gather around a new thing

Probably a graphics card or something.

Everyone got a photo for their tech blog and went home very happy.

The End.

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Sony BDP-S1 Blu-ray player reviewed

Basically it's a big, glitchy, slow pile of shit, but the reviewer is such a tech-geek he gives it a good score because he's all excited about having a Blu-ray. This is the battle we face.

Sony BDP-S1 Blu-ray player

THE BEST QUOTES:

"Pushing the power button, the BDP-S1 requires 12 seconds to display 'Power On'"

"Another 35 seconds elapsed for the player's alphanumeric display to read 'no disc' allowing the drawer to be opened and a movie BD ROM disc inserted"

"After the drawer closes, wait another 36 seconds for the movie studio's logo to appear on-screen"

"Hitting the remote required two to three seconds for the BDP-S1 to respond"

MORE WORDS IN A BETTER ORDER HERE:
HDGURU.Com » EXCLUSIVE: review Of The Sony BDP-S1 Blu-Ray Player

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