X-ray cameras - NOT A GOOD IDEA

You THINK they'll be a good idea, when looking at the girl on the checkout, but in reality it's pretty hard to wank over pasty while bald chicks:



We'll wait another decade until they come in colour.

Thing Holding DISASTER

The world of Thing Holding is in chaos today, with many experts saying it should be outlawed completely following a televised disaster that plunged the sport into crisis.



The unnamed model - thought to be Liu Wang, the 1998 World Champion who subsequently turned pro - dropped a £500,000 mirror live on TV. The penalty for such an act is, of course, the removal of her arms at the shoulder so it will never happen again. Amnesty International has long been campaigning for a softening in China's Thing Holding regime.



This actually happened and isn't us just making something up. Although the bit about arm amputation probably won't happen.

The UK gets those rubbish Mac/PC adverts

Including the AMAZING HUGE LIE about PCs needing to be restarted and Macs never needing to be restarted. This is just a lie. Plain and simple. Macs crash. In our experience more than PCs.



Get a Mac. Get a smug look on your smug face, despite the fact you've just paid twice as much money for a less versatile piece of hardware because it comes in a whiter box.

And thanks for ruining The Peep Show.

OH YEAH, AND HERE'S THE LINK:
Get a Mac (NOT OUR ADVICE)

Woman looks at speakers from far away

It's the Sony SRS-DZ10 2.1 channel speaker system. Now, we're no audio geeks, but surely the system's boast of being "2.1 channel" is really quite rubbish? We've definitely heard of 5.1 channel sound and think there's a logo somewhere that says 7.1 on it. Or maybe we're thinking of megapixels. 2.1 is rubbish regardless.

But what is she thinking?



WHAT SHE IS THINKING:

"I wonder how many megapixels it plays?"

"I can use the shiny headphone jack as a small emergency mirror"

"He's got money to waste on speakers? Right. Next weekend I'm going to make him buy me a hairdryer or it's all over"

"Great! He's finally bought a Wii!"

EXCLUSIVE: Microsoft Office 2007 promotional fan movie

Not any old fan, but a green fan that looks quite a bit like a cock with clever laser writing on it that displays a positive Microsoft message!

"MY EXCITING DAY WITH MICROSOFT"
"We sell and build computers where I work. Yesterday, some guy from Microsoft came to train us on the capabilities of Vista, show us a final build and what it can do as well as give us training on M$ Office 2007.

"As a couple of souvenirs we were given a pen and a personal battery operated fan. The fan had the M$ Office logo on it, and it's one of those fans that light up and display messages (ooooooh).

"Being the curious lad that I am I peeked inside the battery compartment and saw... Kingever batteries.

"I attached a photo of the batteries and a small video of the fan. The message that lights up says: Upgrade your customer today."

This is another textbook example of the sort of effort people should put in when sending us emails. Thanks, Jerry. You saved us having to decide what to copy off Gizmodo today.

Possible next new camera - 7.1 megapixel Olympus SP-550 UZ

It has a staggering 18x optical zoom for taking photos of things that are far away and therefore totally unaware you're watching them.



It also has a macro mode that lets you take photos one centimetre away from the torn flesh of your victim. You could see where the tendon connects the hip to the pelvis and all the little broken veins surrounding it!



It's good because it looks like one of those fancy ones proper photographers use, but is really a simple point-and-go job that you just point at things and press a button. And it takes AA batteries. The only downside is that Olympus is on the B-list of aspirational brands.

A round-up of recent battery activity

Then no more for a few months. They're starting to repeat on themselves.



"Found it abandoned at the Elsinore Train Station (Denmark) in a patch of gravel."



"These incredible 'Moon Rabbit' batteries were found in a wireless mouse made by 'Technika'. I presume the keyboard has the same ones but i cant be arsed to look. If you want i could let you know when i have to replace them? My name is Matt. Sorry about the huge pics i dunno how to make 'em smaller."



"A couple of OK batteries; 'Rubin Powerful Alkaline' (with German written on it) and a 'Primary Kameda SUPER Alkaline' :) "

Blu-ray hacked

Cut up real nice. Currently being flushed down the loo bit by bit.

DailyTech - Blu-ray Encryption Defeated

A photocopier

These brave workhorses of offices across the country are criminally underrepresented on the internet and often considered a joke - until you need to photocopy something. Then who's laughing?

The photocopier sits there, the butt of cliched jokes about photocopying private parts and jamming up with paper, yet it is always ready for action. Ready for that one time every two years when you have to send a copy of a form to someone important and official.

Mock the photocopier, would you? You may as well mock your refrigerator, or your washing machine, or any of the other critical devices we rely upon occasionally to enhance our lives and lift us above the level of common, bark-eating savages.

This photocopier is also a fax machine. Faxing may not be quite as widespread today as predicted in 'Back to the Future', but, again, once every few years some ancient organisation such as a solicitor or bank will require a fax, a hard copy of a document, sending over immediately as a matter of extreme importance.

Faxing is not a joke - your house purchase could very well depend on your bank getting a copy of your mortgage agreement that very same day. How would you do that without a photocopier and fax machine? You wouldn't. You'd be living in a doorway hopelessly addicted to crystal meth and dead within a month.

So praise the sturdy photocopier. It will outlast everything, mainly because it's quite a difficult thing to throw away due to its mass.



Photocopiers also have USB sockets now too. This makes them even better.

Samsung VLUU i70 digital camera

Thin. Silver. 7 megapixels and 3x zoom. See? They all look the same to us (it's OK to be racist about digital cameras):



What it also has is an MP3 player and a 3G connection, so you can stick in a SIM card and upload photos directly from it to your painful Flickr account full of photos of your ugly friends in pubs.

EXCLUSIVE: Cameras are getting thin too

'Thin' is the new 'comes in silver':



It's the Pentax Optio M30, which, inadvisedly, Pentax is describing as "entry level". It has, unsurprisingly, a 7.1 megapixel sensor and a 3x zoom like every other digital camera on sale today. It's cheap and only 18mm 'deep', but the trade off is it's the most boring camera in the world.



No, the Optio T30 is the most boring camera in the world. A great one-two for Pentax today, for producing two new cameras as aspirational as a case of genital lice.

Motorola launches Moto THINzar

It's the thinnest mobile phone yet:



Awesome side profile. It's so thin!



It's also available in red. There is no news on when it's out yet, mainly because this is a joke that seemed funny at 4.52pm yesterday afternoon. Not now though.

Samsung - more thin phones

This is a definite new trend in phone design. We're the first blog to notice this. Everyone else who does a story about mobile phones being thin now has to link to this page:



Quite thin. Black. Workmanlike design. 7/10.

THE THREE KINDS OF PHONE YOU CAN GET:

Thin ones

Ones with a big screen

Ones with little keyboards

New phone of the day

It's the Toshiba TS-605. Good to see companies like Toshiba getting in on the whole make-it-really-thin mobile scene. At this level of competition we'll soon have phones you can't see from the side at all:



It's really quite thin indeed. We can't be bothered to copy the specs, but that hole looks like a camera so it at least has a camera so would do. And that hole on the right looks like a mini-USB socket. Which would be nice and much better than using a proprietary cable. 7/10.

TOMORROW'S OBVIOUS FOLLOW-UP JOKE:
We will be uploading a one-pixel wide line and saying it's a new mobile phone pictured from the side.

The Complete History of the Battery, Part One

The first ever battery was the lemon. They were so good they still work today!

This is proof that nature is better than man, like whenever someone drowns or an elephant crushes a tourist by accident.



Next week in Part Two of The Complete History of the Battery: Duracells.

MORE PROOF THAT NATURE IS BETTER THAN MAN:

People die when it starts raining a lot

People die when it gets really hot

People die when it gets very cold

People get trampled in a crowd at a religious festival

When a shark eats a bit of a surfer's leg

Japanese iPod dock MADNESS

Including, amazingly, one where you stuff the iPod DOWN A PANDA'S MOUTH:



A man called Ed Andersen, who was in Japan, took these ace photos. It was very brave of him to risk looking like a tourist. Not only a tourist, but a tourist from a country so RUBBISH it's impressed by awful plastic tat like this, so much so that he has to take a photograph of the shop shelves.



Ed says; "here is the current selection of ipod docks available at Bic Camera in Osaka. I counted about fifty". This is a close-up of a white one with an 'angry' face.



An alien! Crikey, if there's one thing we've just learned right here and now about those Japanese, it's that they would appear to be, on reflection, bonkers!



This is the shop in all its 'glory'.



Here's another big group shot. Awesome in-store photography, mate. Although your cameraphone output seems a bit grainy. You might want to get some sort of upgrade.

A coffee machine that says what the weather is going to be like

As if a coffee machine would know what the weather's going to be like. It's unlikely it can tell what the weather is like now by looking out of the window, let alone can say what it's going to be like in the future.



"Brrr, it's cold! Stay inside and drink some more hot, tasty coffee!" - it's clearly a scam.

Two REALLY BIG photos of hands

Thanks to Sony Ericsson's PR department. Click on it. It's huge. You rarely get to see a woman's hand in this sort of detail.



WHAT HER FINGERS SMELL OF:

Kit Kat

This next one's from another bit of Sony, probably in a different building. It's also quite a big photo of a hand.




WHAT HER FINGERS SMELL OF:

Magazine print

That was certainly worth the wait and effort.

Cyber-Shot S650 - Not our new camera

Because Sony says the Cyber-Shot S650 is "budget", which means people who don't know about cameras will buy it.

It's the sort of thing you'll see people holding up in the air at 50 Cent concerts, or your dad will buy his dad for next Christmas as it's cheap but by Sony which makes it appear more expensive than it actually was.



There's a distinct lack of icons and logos on the front as well. The Cyber-Shot S650 therefore scores an unaspirational 2/5.

UPDATED INSTRUCTIONS:
Regarding the below post about recommending a camera. Please only recommend cameras that use AA batteries. There's nothing worse than being stuck with a flat proprietary battery when out "on a shoot" (following a woman with a nice bottom).

The Sony Cyber-Shot W55

We are in the market for a new digital camera, as it happens, and 7.2 megapixels would almost certainly do:



But not a Sony one, obviously. If you know about cameras, please recommend a mid-range compact in the comments bit. Something cool with a decent lens, which, we understand, is more important than megapixels when it comes to taking decent shots of women's feet on trains.

And don't say a Casio Exilim. Everyone's got one of those. Our new camera has to be something that reflects our quirky, individual nature, maybe by coming in a black case instead of common silver.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH:

The Trans-Safety W55 Locking Device

The Wabler Lite W55 Weight

The Taylor W55 Walnut Jumbo 12-String

The Trans-Safety W55 Locking Device. Only has a disappointing 1.2megapixel camera, plus with a battery life of a mere three and a half hours, you certainly wouldn't want to have to lock something on a trans-Atlantic flight with this. 2/5.

The LG Prada phone

Or what happens when company executives decide to team up for no reason and because of zero public demand:



At least everyone gets to be involved in a photoshoot with a model. The LG Prada phone has a three inch touchscreen, 2 megapixel camera and takes Micro SD cards. And that's not her hand, it's way too big. Come back later today for more amazing big hand developments!

Poise, grace and control - Timeless Hamada triumphs again

Yuriko Hamada came out of retirement for the Moscow 2007 World Holding Open and swept to gold. Effortless. It's like she's never been away.



Textbook posture, hold and expression. It's like Torvill and Dean rolled into one.

EXCLUSIVE: Inside Korea's thing-holding training camps

Our reporters have gained access to Korea's secret, underground academies, where young women are trained in the art of holding electronic gadgets.



Here, young Suzi Pak is being introduced to the idea of being near an expensive item of electronics. Clearly nervous, you can see she still has a long way to go. She is yet to be told what to do with her arms and face.



This is Lin-Wan Park, who, after three months, has been allowed to hold a prototype telephone unsupervised and under actual conditions. Obviously, for safety reasons, the phone is supported by wires.

Samsung's making a phone to go with the 'The Simpsons' movie

AND HERE'S THE PHOTO EVERYONE WANTED:



If you think their hands look big just wait until tomorrow, when we will show you the biggest hands in the entire history of 'tech blogging'.

A Japanese battery vending machine!

A man called Jonti Davies lives in Japan near a battery vending machine. He took us these photos of it, as he noticed how much we like batteries and machines and, quite correctly, assumed we'd like to see these images.



Click on them to admire the full majesty of something that's a machine that sells batteries in a FULLY AUTOMATED fashion.



The photos are so great we've taken the unprecedented step of making them 450 pixels wide instead of our usual 440. That's why the page template looks broken in your browser, probably.



If you click on them, they go to a much bigger resolution of 972 x 1296. They were originally twice that size, but that's bigger than is strictly necessary for the internet in its current form.



We DESPERATELY need a talking corporate mascot to put on the site. Can someone design us one, please. For free, naturally, and make sure its in a vector format so we can put it on t-shirts and make loads of money. Thanks.



This is where the machine is!



This is a photo of where the machine is! This is an extremely comprehensive update, and we would like to thank the man very much indeed for all his effort. Here's hoping he takes us photos of other weird Japanese machines in the future.

Gadgets with FACES #3

It's a clock that, according to the Korean web site we stole the image off, is called "Clocky".



It has eyes and a big hungry mouth! Don't fall asleep, else it might gobble you up!!

The wheels are either arms or it's in a wheelchair. Can't decide.

The Kirstie Allsop claw hammer, pliers, screwdriver and hook set

She always looked a bit kinky, but this is going way too far:



Pliers, then hammer, then screwdriver, then a rest so she stays conscious. Then the hammer again. Then the hammer again. Then the hammer again.

DISSECTION, DISSECTION, DISSECTION:
Tool Kit by Kirstie Allsopp

Beware of... The ZONTEX

Nice battery. Good use of colour and electricity symbolism. You'd know this was a battery even if you couldn't read English:



EXCLUSIVE! THE STORY BEHIND THE DISCOVERY:
"Sorting out my parents' garage, I found my mum's old stairmaster exercise machine. It hadn't been used in six years, but all the electronics still worked. How can this be? The answer: ZONTEX batteries. Specially designed to power the fattness of all mums, even after a six year doss, ZONTEX batteries are the best in their field. It's the space-age battery with a space-age name."

The world's most comprehensive vacuum cleaner review

Of the Dyson DC14. It is a work of genius, and involves:

Pre-cleaning the house with TWO other cleaners.

A lengthy anecdote about a previous cleaner.

Background family information.

THE GREATEST VACUUM CLEANER REVIEW IN THE WORLD:

This is the best vacuum I've owned.

By now, you've heard all the hype. I must say, I'd generally have to agree. This thing has incredible suction and really doesn't lose suction. However, it's not without its faults.

I originally bought this vacuum from Best Buy over a year ago. I was using some random Dirt Devil and a Hoover before then. I don't remember too much about them because they were not all that memorable. I do remember having to find belts and bags which were a big pain in the rear. I also remember that the suction on all my previous vacuums weren't very impressive. I've also borrowed or bought other vacuums in the past. Bagged, bagless, upright, handheld, whatever. Since they were all in the $100-200 range, I didn't think too much of them. If they didn't work all that well, I was ok with it since they weren't horribly expensive.

About the only one worth comparing in detail is the Oreck XL. This guy was pricey. Getting up there with the Dyson so I saw it as more of a direct competitor. As such, I had higher expectations. Particularly when Oreck claims it'll suck and hold a bowling ball. That claim is a flat out LIE! The Oreck does a passable job at first, but it quickly loses suction. I now laugh when I see hotel or office workers using it. It works passably well in those situations, but only because the industrial carpet is so flat, it might as well be a hardwood floor or tile. There's no place for the dirt to go but lay on the top.

At our home, we have pile carpeting. Nice cushy stuff. Unfortunately, that leaves a lot of area for dirt to get stuck between. The Oreck, like all the others, can only get stuff that's laying on top. Dust, dirt, and hair? Forget about it. The only good thing I have to say about the Oreck is that it came with this handheld thing that you sling over your shoulder and has a nice flexible hose and some attachments. That thing is handy, but your plain jane $150 Hoover will have that built into one unit.

Then you've got the Dyson. I picked up the DC14 All Access at my local Best Buy. As you may know, all the Dysons are pretty much the same except for the colors and attachments. I didn't know that and bought the most expensive one Best Buy had. I figured that if I was already spending $500 on a vacuum, I might as well get the one with all the bells and whistles.

All you really need to know is that the DC14 is better than the DC07. While there are some quirks to the DC14, they did improve on the ergonomics of the DC07 (which my father has). Honestly, I have yet to use the extra attachments that came with the All Access.

Finally, on with the real review.

This thing definitely does have incredible suction. As a test, I vacuumed the house with the Oreck and Hoover first (we've got about 4 vacuums and a steamer in the house other than the Dyson). As usual, they picked up some dirt. Then, I broke out the Dyson. After vacuuming the study, 2 bedrooms and a hall, I had filled up the Dyson. Incredible. The master bed and bath haven't been touched yet and already the Dyson had picked up about 6 times the amount of crap the other vacuums failed to get.

While frightening, it was also heartening to see that Dyson's claims were true. It definitely had more suction power and the suction did not stop when the canister started filling up. It also gave me a chance to test out how easy and messy it was to dump out all the dirt that had been collected.

Yes, I was scared that dust and dirt would fly everywhere defeating the advantage of going bagless. Thankfully, that fear didn't materialize. My particular Dyson has some trouble getting that canister part out. It should be a simple press of a button, but mine takes some fiddling. After a while, that simple button press does work and it comes off cleanly. Emptying it at that point is easy. Just press another button, and the bottom falls out. As long as my garbage can is pretty empty, I can just stick that canister in deep and the dust won't fly high enough to escape the sides of the can. Oreck's claims of canister messiness are just great exaggerations and forced flaws. Bags are just as messy when full. Messier actually because I can't stick the Oreck in a trashcan when taking the bag out.

After using it for quite some time now, I've noticed some ergonomic quirks that could use improvement. Mainly, getting the hose out is still a bit of a chore. Much better than the DC07's method, but still a bit of an ordeal. At least all the attachments stay on firmly (unlike some other vacuums) so they don't get lost.

Also, I don't like how all the attachments have to go onto the metal tube instead of the hose itself. This makes it hard to get to some spots since the tube can't bend. For example, you can't get to all the parts of a car's interior because you're forced to work with that long metal tube and it just won't fit.

Finally, the vacuum's profile is pretty tall. If you want to get under low areas, you're going to have to detach the hose/tube to get to it (like under a couch). It's not a huge deal, but kind of a pain if you just want to do a quick cleanup before guests come over.

Oh, and while the powerful suction is great for carpet, it may be a bit too powerful for some other items. I've pulled up the pile looping on a rug I have. Luckily, I use it as a floor mat so I view it as pretty disposable. If it were an area rug in my living room or something, I'd be pretty mad. Also, beware around curtains or bedskirts. I've got a cheap bedskirt around my bed and I've caused a couple of "burns" on it from sucking parts of it up accidentally. You have to remember to lift those things up when vacuuming near them which is another minor annoyance and step.

In the end, though, this is a vacuum. A vacuum's main purpose is to suck up dirt on the floor. Since it does its job so well, I'd have to highly recommend it. It does suck and it does not lose that suction. Yes, it's very pricey, but since those $200 vacuums don't do squat, being cheaper isn't an advantage. I haven't tried that $1000 vacuum yet, but that thing is twice the price of this Dyson. Accordingly, I'd say this is the best vacuum in the $0-800 range. If you can afford $1,000 for a vacuum, great. If you're looking for something $800 or less, than I'd definitely recommend the DC14 and nothing else. However, unless you know for sure you need a particular attachment, I'd get the most basic DC14. Make sure to get the DC14 over the DC07, even if it costs a bit more. It's absolutely worth it, particularly if you're going to pay that much for even the DC07.

Recommended:
Yes

FROM HERE:
Dyson DC14 Full Access Bagless Upright Cyclonic Vacuum Review at Epinions.com

SECOND RUNNER-UP, HIGHLY COMMENDED:
Wendy Bull's DC14 review: "I almost felt the hoover cling to the floor it was so powerful".

A washing machine

Never done one of these before:



That was fun!

Tomorrow we might do a photocopier or a fridge. Anyone got any requests?

Stupid LG Blu-ray/HD-DVD player saves Sony's ass

It's a photo of the LG "Super Multi Blue" player - a dual-format Blu-ray and HD-DVD player.

It's twice as pointless as standalone HD-DVD and Blu-ray players!



Dual format players are WRONG. Sony's horrid Blu-ray must be CRUSHED COMPLETELY, not allowed to live on. We will now punish LG by ignoring all the plastic tat it produces for at least a six month period.

Samsung's 50" 1080p HP-T5084 plasma

Boring old Samsung sent out the press pics with a photo of a lake on the screen:



But it looks better like this, and would definitely appeal to more UK demographic groups:



It has three HDMI sockets, for not plugging anything you currently own into. If you're at Samsung and would like us to work in your photo manipulation or press release writing departments, please get in touch.

THAT PHOTO AS AN IRONIC DESKTOP IMAGE:
Here.

"Toyoshiba" - hot rip-off batteries from Pakistan

Thanks to the internet we can get sent digital photos of batteries all the way from whatever bit of the world Pakistan is in!



"Just bought my son a new toy and found this magnificent 'TOYOSHIBA' Battery Cell inside it. Cannot say where it was made and by whom."





"Here is the text on battery if it is unreadable: 'Toyoshiba, General Purpose, High Quality Battery, AA Exp. Date: 06-2008, Do not recharge, short or dispose of in fire'."



Great find. Next week we'll be kicking off our Complete History of the Battery series of updates, with an exciting look at the world's first ever battery - you'll be surprised!

Introducing the... AXIOTRON MODBOOK!

That's the AXIOTRON MODBOOK!

It's a rubbish Mac-based tablet computer thing that's pretty pointless as it's Mac-based and a tablet computer, but we have to do something about it as it's called the AXIOTRON MODBOOK.



It runs "OS X" which is that thing Mac-fans lie about never crashing, even though all we hear in the office is the Mac restarting sound and the sound of someone sighing as all their morning's work has just been lost.

Sony's 70 inch Bravia KDL R70X

This is one of those workmanlike updates designed to help us better penetrate Google's search listings. Just ignore it, it'll scroll away soon.

We are in no way endorsing the below product.



70 inches just means there's more of it to break.

The iPhone's going to be a nightmare

Nobody likes auto sensors. Things need to be either on or off, or at least controlled by a button.

At least it has a clock. This could be our new pocket clock.



STOP MAKING THE SCREEN GO DARKER:

"An ambient light sensor automatically adjusts the display's brightness to the appropriate level for the current ambient light, thereby enhancing the user experience and saving power at the same time."

EASILY DROPPABLE:

"iPhone's accelerometer detects when you rotate the device from portrait to landscape, then automatically changes the contents of the display, so you immediately see the entire width of a web page or a photo in its proper landscape aspect ratio."

THAT'S MY TUMMY, NOT MY EAR:

"The proximity sensor detects when you lift iPhone to your ear and immediately turns off the display to save power and prevent inadvertent touches until iPhone is moved away."

Poor old Nokia. 20 years of effort destroyed by a jumped-up radio.

Something by Sony we actually like

Only because it's round so will fit in the bin easier:



It's the Sony VAIO VGX-TP1 Media Center PC. It'll be quite good for the few months it works properly, before its components gradually break one by one forcing you to buy something else instead.

TECH NEWS:

Intel T5600 Core 2 Duo processor at 1.83 Ghz

2GB DDR-RAM

300GB hard drive

HDMI hole

TV tuner

Yamaha's NX-U10 USB Speaker literally sucks

Here's a photo of it in which it appears a man is having his winky (by this we mean COCK/PENIS/BALLS) interfered with:



In the next photo, a woman seems to have managed to work out which socket it plugs into and how it works. This must mean it's easy to use!



TOP TIP:
There's no need for a woman to have a top of the range VAIO or Powerbook. They're happy with something cheap from Dell, and it'll be cheaper to replace when they inevitably break it or leave it in a taxi.

Philips is stuck in 2001

Really. Who gets excited about portable DVD players any more?



Not only is the Philips PET830 technology we stopped being excited about six years ago, Philips is also "boasting" of a three-hour battery life. That's not even enough for a proper wanking session.

Sony Ericsson W200 - "entry level"

What do we look like, Chinese peasant farmers?



Not only is the W200 "entry level" but Sony Ericsson seems to think that the W200's maximum 1GB of memory is some sort of big deal. We couldn't even save our shopping list on 1GB. Stop patronising us.

Nokia breaks through the number barrier with the N800!

N800! That's an incredibly high number, so this must be an AWESOME phone. Nokia's previous highest N phone was the N93, which makes the Nokia N800 8.6 times better.

That's not us speaking - that's UNDENIABLE MATHEMATICAL PROOF.



It's a new version of the Nokia 770 internet tablet. It's smaller, and seems to be more about having your "music" on it as well. It's sure to be an iPod killer!



It's going to be popular with women. This woman seems to be looking at a photo of herself on it. Vain cow.



But this is how it will mostly be used. By men, who need to have two internets on the go at any one time because they're THAT MUCH into having all the internets.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH:

The Norcold N800 gas absorption refrigerator

The Shin-Keisei Electric Railroad Co.Ltd N800 commuter car

The Norcold N800 gas absorption refrigerator. A bit bigger, and only plays back ATRAC music files. The battery life also leaves a lot to be desired at a weedy four hours - you wouldn't want to have to refrigerate something on a transatlantic flight using this.

The Nokia N76 is a bit red

And also quite thin and angular.



It's almost as if Nokia's deliberately trying to copy the pretty-but-rubbish RAZR.

The presence of those speakers illustrate that the N76 is a phone for pikeys who use their mobiles to play "choons" to their "mates" at "parties" in the "evening". So we'll be passing on this one.

There's one more phone to come today. Nokia's been busy over Christmas.

The Nokia N93i is a bit silvery

The Nokia N93i is a silvery version of the N93. Why they haven't called it the Nokia N73s is a mystery. It makes so much more sense.



It also has a mirrored finish, which Nokia's lifestyle photos will no doubt use to show fashionable models chopping up drugs on!



The N93i has lots of icons. Sadly, you can't see the Clock when on this screen, which is a MASSIVE DESIGN FLAW on Nokia's part, seeing as its market - people like us who buy flash expensive phones but only use them as clocks - only use them as clocks.



Here's another thing you can do with the N93i but won't. And what are you going to film with it? Yourself wanking?

Trinity iPod FM transmitter

This used to be illegal, but is now allowed and considered fashionable. Like gay sex.

We're quite unlikely to ever try broadcasting MP3s via FM radio to our car stereo, but it's nice to know we can.



It's still illegal on the Isle on Man though. Like gay sex.

OTHER THINGS THAT ARE STILL ILLEGAL ON THE ISLE OF MAN:

Buying anything on a Sunday

Blacks and Asians

Disaster for 2004 World Champion Kim Haneul

Kim Haneul (center) made a horrific rotation error during her first round hold, resulting in six penalty points and dumping her out of the 2007 World Championships.



Now the fate of Korea's holding effort rests in the hands of 2004 bronze medalist Lee Tak.

Sandisk's 32GB solid-state drive

It's a 32GB hard drive, only without the drive. It's all memory chips, so it's faster, more reliable, and there's no whirring or grinding when copying huge porn downloads from the bittorrent folder to the folder you hide it all in.



Everyone's going to go mad for this SSD stuff soon. It'll even make unnecessary bloated rubbish like Windows Vista load a bit quicker.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH:

Social Security Disability

Satellite Services Division

Singapore School for the Deaf

Susquehanna Service Dogs

Four HOT YOUNG battery SLUTS from James

And he was going to throw them away, too:

"To accompany your "Double Panda" here's a "PairDeer" I found, along with a Camelion, a Can*Do and a little Daimon. I'm afraid I don't know what they came with originally - they were in the dead battery bucket destined for the recycling centre"

James also apologised for the poor quality of the photograph, saying his digital camera was broken so he had to use his video camera.

We replied saying that it was OK as the quality of the batteries more than made up for it, then added that all future submissions should be in a MINIMUM resolution of 14780 x 21960 as a joke at the end.

He will be able to confirm this correspondence if necessary.

David's nice Christmas batteries

Keen Idiot Toys reader and amateur battery enthusiast David Peters was unlucky that his mum bought him a Wahl nose hair trimmer for Christmas, but was VERY LUCKY INDEED that said shit present contained an early contender for best battery submission of 2007 - the awesome Double Panda:



2007's winner on day one? Beat that, battery fans!



David can't remember what his Lonlife came out of, which says something about the shitness of the present if it's already been binned and forgotten about a mere seven days later.



David says the Tengma came out of a Mathmos rip-off "glowy cube" and that they leaked within a few days.



David also ate a lot of Christmas cake, if the number of crumbs on his table are anything to go by. Thanks, Dave. Your miserable collection of thoughtless knock-off electrical gifts have ironically bought us quite a lot of new year cheer. Wipe down your table first next time, though.