Fujifilm Finepix F47FD, flaccid and erect

First up, flaccid:



Next up, erect:



It's good to see the camera scored 9.0 and was rated "Mega". It also looks like CCD has rated the camera as "Super," while it appears Fujinon Zoom Lens has given the camera a score of 3x1=8-24mm 1:2.8-5.1 which is certainly the highest in its class. Three ringing endorsements there.

And now for the big finish:



Fujifilm knows how to please.

Nokia's Twango LIES

Let's have a look at the photographs our wide-range of globe-trotting, cosmopolitan, culturally aware, charity-working friends have been taking recently, shall we?



Chelsea went scuba diving in the Caribbean, that's one Matthew took in Bolivia, Tara's dad has just taken up hot air ballooning at the weekends, while that last one's from Claudia's six-month charity placement with Amnesty in Vietnam.



And the reality. Dave's cat. And Dave's cat again, aged two weeks older.

Another thing that's basically just a big screen

All you'd do is worry about it getting scratched. Plus there's a massively increased chance of seeing a reflection of your face when outside under unpredictable and harsh lighting. That is the worst thing about all of today's gadgets, especially if you've just had 3,500 people saying you're ugly on YouTube.



You wouldn't want to throw it in your manbag or, if you're northern, your pocket. It'd have to stay at home, wrapped up in a towel.

The HP A626 is heavier than it looks

Must be the gold-plated replacement ink cartridges it needs.



If we had to come up with a story explaining this photo, it would be that the girl on the left is training the girl on the right. The learning process brought them very close together, making them best friends! Then, one night, after a bottle of wine, one thing lead to another and...

Korean team rocked by string scandal

The South Korean team was sent home from Next Product World 2007 in disgrace today, following the results of a string test carried out upon Yun-Yan Chi's sensational double levitate hold.



A compulsory infra-red string test found that an unacceptable level of string was in use.



No string was found on the levitate to the upper left, however its authenticity has now been thrown into serious doubt. The South Korean coach has asked for a 'B photograph' to be analysed, but any appeal is likely to fail.

Holding regulations state that string can be used to hold up one end of an item, as long as the majority of the weight of the device is being supported by the holder. String is to be used as a balancing aid only. Sadly, faking levitation holds is one area where the rewards are considered to outweigh the risk of getting caught.

POSSIBLE NEXT NEW CAMERA: Fujifilm S8000FD

It looks like an SLR, but all you have to do is point it and press the button. The photo button, not the power off button. A common mistake of the amateur photographer, that, and something we do on about one in ten attempts at taking a picture. They really shouldn't put them so close together.

The spec sheets ought to point out how far apart the 'power' and 'take photo' buttons are. Ideally, they'd be on different sides of the unit's body. Maybe Fujifilm could do an S8000FD-PBS edition, where PBS stands for Power Button on Side?



The press release points out that it takes AA batteries. Lovely, beautiful, AA batteries. Has enough time passed for another Battery Week? Our reader numbers have almost recovered back to where they were before the last one.

A DOUBLE LEVITATE!

OH MY GOODNESS! SHE'S REWRITTEN THE RULE BOOK! REMEMBER THIS DAY! JULY 26, 2007! THE DAY THINGS CHANGED!



Just when we thought the West was catching up, Korea goes and knocks one out of the stadium!

Woman admires robot PC case

She is touching its eye and making it look at itself. This is not sexy. Seeing yourself at any time, especially during sexy personal time with a lady who is down on her knees, is always a massive mistake.



The photo was sent in by Wayne. Judging by the perfect angle, Wayne would appear to own a scanner! We can remember when scanners used to be exciting, before just taking a photo with a camera took over. Not all advances in technology are for the best, as this scintillating and precise scan shows.

Toshiba's new Gigabeat comes in...

Right. You've got Terracotta Red, Deep Clay, Rose Pink, Summer Pink, Deep Pink, Citrus Orange, two more fucking types of pink, Just White, Yellow, Yellow, Blue, Blue, Mint, Ice Mint, Deep Aqua, Sky Blue, Deep Purple (NOTE TO BRIAN: Check this one with legal team), Mown Lawn, Old Cheese, Krazy Khaki, Browner Brow, Thunder Grey, and... and... and... Grey.



It's rare that we pity people who work in product stock distribution centres, but Jesus, we wouldn't like to be filling in Excel documents about product levels in Toshiba right now.

The Samsung Sens G25 has a 19" screen

Fantastic full-body modelling from the popular young Korean, although, once again, the photographer is ruining the moment through a poor use of perspective.



When your 19-stone girlfriend gets her lobster claws on it, and rests it seductively on her navy blue Asics tracksuit trousers, it'll look a little smaller than this.



This move is known as the "Whoops-a-daisy".

Sony Network Walkman NWD-B100

It's nice and small, so when it catches on fire it'll be easy to pull out of your pocket and stamp out.



Also, when it breaks in four months, its small size means there's less environmental impact from binning it. Other than that - NO REDEEMING FEATURES.

HUGH ASHTON: Man of the Year 2007

We got an email from Hugh Ashton! That took under a week. Hugh has kindly stuck the photos of that woman in the pool up on a specially made bit of his web site here.

And even though this site is in danger of looking like a Flickr porn gallery due to an unprecedented number of mildly sexist posts about women lately, here they all are.











Thanks, Hugh. Try to get some of the bottom half next time, though, preferably when she's not looking for that additional voyeuristic thrill.

Idiot Toys is proud to endorse SKYWORTH HD TVs

Beats Pioneer's boring old fish and Samsung's landscape by a mile.



It's also realistic, as this is the sort of material most us will end up watching (although we'd skip these intros).



Three cheers for politically incorrect Asian manufacturers, in a land where having her bottom pinched is the highest accolade a female office worker can earn.

Samsung G600 launching in Europe

Which is all the justification we need.





Don't be too rude about her in the Comments. Don't even use your usual account. Or home internet connection. This could be a sting operation.

Samsung uses boring landscape image for 94 Series wi-fi plasma

The fish was better, even though we still feel a little uneasy after looking into its eyes. What does a fish think about? Like most animals, it's probably just "FOOD! SEX! FOOD! SEX!" over and over again, like a human after seven pints.



The 50" and 58" Samsung 94 Series of plasmas have built in 802.11n wi-fi support, for streaming HD footage up to 1080i resolution directly to the set. So you'll be needing to give Netgear another 80 quid for a new router too.

"PowerDic"

Seems like a clever name for a "powerful dictionary" application for Windows Mobile phones, especially when you're Korean and haven't checked it over with anyone from the UK office.



Nice fingernails, but a jumper? What on earth is she thinking?

Pioneer KURO HD plasma TV

We're doing something on this, as Pioneer went to the effort of putting a really big picture of a fish on its promotional image. The pretty fish really helps distract the eye from the horribly generic black boxiness of the TV.

Although looking into a fish's eyes is not a pleasant experience. Maybe we shouldn't have done something on this.



The KUROs come in those funny plasma screen resolutions we'd better not attempt to say anything about because it'll only be wrong, plus the 42" version has a comical FOUR HDMI sockets. Has anyone in the world even used one yet?

POSSIBLE NEXT NEW CAMERA: Samsung S750

Looks boring, even more boring than last week's S85, but having a Samsung camera is at least a bit alternative. Like having an NEC monitor. Or a PC made by Sainsburys.



Being a new camera, it's obviously 7.2 megapixels with a 2.5" screen round the back, as that's all the Chinese and Korean suppliers are churning out at the moment. It also has image stabilisation, for when you're nervous and worried about getting caught.

Japanese baby houses

Pop the baby in, leave it for five years, then out comes a grown child. Housing space is at such a premium in Japan innovations like this are essential.



The tubes down the left are for food and waste. There's even a small LCD TV screen in there, so baby can learn to speak by copying the telly.

ATTENTION HUGH ASHTON

Dear Hugh. One day, maybe this week, next month or in the year 2027, you will Google your own name and come across this update.

When you do, please can you email us the entire set of photos you took of this woman in the swimming pool. At original resolution, please, especially if you're reading this in 2027 as Hotmail will probably be able to handle attachments properly by then.



Thanks, HUGH ASHTON. The email link is to the left there, as even in 2027 we'll still be using this same rubbish Blogger template.

Team USA hires Korean smiling coach

And doesn't it show! We've got used to dull, expressionless holds from the Americans over the years, but they've come on in leaps and bounds since Kim-Jun Wan defected to the States in 2005.



They're not smiling, they're beaming! The LG phone is giving the girls such pure joy. Their raw enthusiasm is infectious - and it's bound to have the judges smiling too!



Hollywood looks, Asian dedication and focus. It was only a matter of time until America started producing on the world stage. Look out, Korea - you need to get a hold of yourself!

Samsung SC-HMX10 HD camcorder

An HD camcorder would be nice to buy and have. Then put in a cupboard. Then very occasionally mention you own to people in an effort to impress them. Then to sell on eBay for £23 in six years time.



"Samsung SC-HMX10 HD Camcorder *BOXED AS NEW* Used once to film self wanking over boring weekend. Footage of wanking left on memory card if desired"

Perfect side-on, perfect front-on!

It's rare to see the a mobile side-on and front-on executed so perfectly in the same hold. Beautiful ambidextrous display work from the Korean newcomer.



You can't see any of the front in the side view, and you can't see any of the side in the front view. She's even prepared a brilliant horizontal beforehand, shown on the screen behind. It must be balanced on her little finger.

It's perfect. So perfect, in fact, it's giving us quite a sizeable (8cm) diagonal-on. Shame about the massive, unsettling hand, but you can't penalise the girl for poor photography.

Definitely a camera show on somewhere

Samsung's announced this one too. It's for women. It's small, so they can fit it in their handbags with their crack cocaine, or whatever it is they take to make them go so bananas all the time.



It's the Samsung L83T. L must stand for Ladies, which can only mean T is for tits. Don't blame us, blame Samsung. They're the real sexists here.

There must be a camera show on somewhere in the world this week

Because Samsung's sent out stuff about its new S85, while Pentax has redefined "entry-level" with the most entry-level-looking digital camera imaginable.



The Pentax E40. Not only is it entry-level, it looks entry-level from 1996. Definitely not our next new camera. Not even an emergency spare. If we found it in the street we'd hand it in.



The Samsung S85. Entry-level again, but at least it could pass for mid-range from a distance. Who's buying all these godawful, boring pieces of metal-effect plastic shite?

Samsung bravely soldiers on with a couple of new Blu-ray players

This is like that time she was dead, but we still carried on for another three hours.



One of them's the BD-P1400 and the other one's the BD-P2400. They both do Blu-ray. You'll have to contact Samsung direct if you want to know which one's which.

Sorry about this update. Its main purpose is to scroll Janet Cho down the page a bit before anyone notices.



Don't they look pretty?



Very smooth.



Lovely blue LED.

New second-favourite thing-holding site

This is taken from IVU. It's basically a sluttier version of AVING, which is sometimes exactly what you need.



She's called Janet Cho, and has just rocketed into the top ten. Several of our mental top tens, in fact. Like, for example, Top Ten Gadget Models Likely To Sleep With You In A Hotel For £120, and Top Ten Gadget Models The Webmaster Found In A Strip Club.

URGENT: An email from Mitsubishi

Can anyone translate this? It might be about a new kind of TV or MP3 player. Hurry up, please, we could get the world exclusive on this and might get linked to from Engadget.



Hopefully its not the cars division with a new kind of seat belt.

POSSIBLE NEXT NEW CAMERA: Casio Exilim EX-S77

Not really. We're part of the aspirational semi-pro camera scene nowadays, and there's no way we'd trudge sheep-like into Casio's mainstream arms. We need settings we'll never use hidden away in awkward sub-menus, not easy, point-and-shoot features accessed by clearly-marked buttons.



It can do 7.2 megapixels, but that doesn't make getting a Casio product out in public any less of a massive admission of failure and lack of ambition in life.

Man called in to handle complicated gadget and advanced hold

Step asides, ladies. This one's got more than one button and cables that need to be plugged into holes. There are also three separate bits that require operation in unison. This is man's holding.



Not as aesthetically pleasing, but gets the job done with minimum public risk.

A bit of plastic for $16

No, wait! Two bits of plastic for $16. That's OK then. For a moment there, we thought some company was ripping off stupid iPhone owners with massively over-priced accessories to go with their massively over-priced TXT MSG machine.



And while you're at it, buy yourself a crash helmet to help protect your face from the 2000 people a day that are going to try and take it off you when you walk around the UK with one.

Woman PHYSICALLY REPULSED by the mere thought of a Sony Cyber-shot T-30

She's really forcing that smile out. This is how we smile when given boring old man presents for birthdays and Christmas. God knows what horrible face she'd pull if she caught us taking photos of her spindly ankles on the escalator.



This photo was taken by "Jim". Thanks, Jim. Next time, though, ask her to pretend it's something nice rather than a radioactive syringe of bird flu someone's just fished out of the toilet and given to her.



It isn't that bad. Dunno what her fucking problem is. What does she expect for Christmas, a 12-megapixel DSLR with stainless steel body, automatic dust cleaning system and swappable lenses? Who do we look like? Mr Camera, the man who gets all the cameras for free?

We'll buy you a good camera next Christmas, dear, when you've proved you can use and maintain a cheap little one first.

The Canon i7 is available in...

Let's guess the colour names!



Council Estate Mascara Blue, Ear Ring Pink, Eyebrow Ring Metallic, and Bad Heroin Brown.

It's time for the evening wear round!

Always a favourite with the fans. Here's Sun-ma Kwie, looking radiant in purple and modelling the Samsung Swan LCD monitor:



Sun-ma says she draws inspiration for holding from nature, often trying to recreate the relaxed and informal lines of trees and clouds in her holds and stances.



Sun-ma would like to work in product development when she hits 21 and is forced to retire from holding competitions. She says holding and standing near a wide range of technology has given her a great insight into its construction and requirements.

Good luck, Sun-ma!

DEFINITELY NOT NEXT NEW PHONE: The Motorola Zante

Even calling it the Motorola Q900 won't make it any better. Getting this out in a pub: instant bottling plus lifetime ban from the premises.

PROS:

Would make sending the weekly text message a bit easier

CONS:

"Zante"

CONS:

"Motorola"

CONS:

"Electric blue"

Exposing the Chinese mobile phone gaming scene

This is "Siew Wan, Siew Kat". It has been designed for Chinese markets by a company called Divimas. We got sent a press release about it, so is an easy update especially as it means we might break into the lucrative Chinese Google search rankings.



One of them's a hippo, the other is a cow. They have different personalities as you might expect.

THE OFFICIAL EXPLANATION
'Siew Wan, Siew Kat' is based on a story about two very good friends who love to compete with each other by sharing their jokes. Siew Wan, a pink hippo, is self-centered and likes to confront Siew Kat with bundles of IQ tests. She is naturally cute and attractive. On the other hand, Siew Kat, a humorous cow, loves to ask Siew Wan with a lot of funny questions. He usually tries to humour Siew Wan with his jokes but unfortunately, most of his jokes are not amusing and funny at all. Siew Kat also has a very straight personality.

"Appealing to an incredibly broad audience, we expect that 'Siew Wan, Siew Kat' will have a proven track record both in popularity and responses and we are confident that we will be able to penetrate the Chinese mobile market successfully," said Eric, Vice President of Project Office at Divamas.

For more information on 'Siew Wan, Siew Kat', kindly visit wap.milkmobile.com via WAP to find out more about its contents.

iPod clothing-wearing tossers

The Urban Tools are back again, and this time they appear to have gone into space for the world's first zero-gravity, bi-sexual iPod clothing photo shoot.





Their web site's full of this kind of nonsense.



Nonsense. They need to get the Koreans in to display their products with elegance and style.



They have also made this. It is film about the dangers of running around like an idiot and dropping your phone. WARNING: video contains European hip hop.

EASTPOWER! Power. From the East.

How we love products with really literal names. These are batteries. For the east. They are called East Power. At no point was a bunch of multimedia branding cocks paid £400,000 to think of a name. The boss sat down. With a pint. And thought up the name. That's how real, heavy duty business is done.



We have been trying very hard not to do battery updates. We hope you appreciate this. We could stop doing battery updates at any time. It just feels nice to slip back into it every once in a while.



That's the Russian for "Please insert properly and do not dispose of in fire". This knowledge could save your life on a drunken stag do in Moscow.



EXPLANATION: "At first glimpse, I expected these batteries to be from China, then I see the (Russian?) text and think Eastern Europe. Then Google grants me knowledge not only of a Chinese operation with batteries for Eastern Europe but images of Ronnie Wen and a man referred to only as "his boss". Which is fantastic all in itself. I, for one, would love to be referred to as Ronnie Wen's Boss. Any bets that's what it says on his business card? I want to only buy batteries from this well-dressed dynamic duo.



Ronnie Wenn and his boss.

GreyThrust SXM-100 - a sex robot for the elderly

Now grandma can remain sexually active even after granddad has passed away, thanks to GreyThrust - the in-home solution for the sexual needs of the elderly.



GreyThrust does not have eyes or a mouth to scream with, or wheels to run away.