Unexpected promotional image joy: The Samaritans

Yes, The Samaritans has a promotional image archive. It features some old men, a variety of logos and one of our most favourite things in the world - a ropey old slapper called Gemma with big old tits. Gemma Bissix. Our second-favourite Gemma.



What is it about Gemmas? They're all super-sized large-chested sex machines. There must've been a top secret government genetic engineering project, called The Gemma Project, that ran for a brief period in 1983. We are only now seeing these awesome Gemmas reaching maturity and entering the mainstream.



Here's one of her on a bed. If everyone got five minutes with her on the bed, we'd imagine The Samaritans would be able to close immediately.



Here's one of an old man being very understanding. Frankly, we'd rather nuzzle Gemma. That would make everything seem instantly OK!



This man's very sweaty. He's probably talking a teenager down off a bridge somewhere in South Wales. It could go either way. And the call is being recorded for training purposes, so he'd better not fuck up.



But that's enough about depression intervention. You should read this moving story about how Gemma rejoined EastEnders this year. It involves amazing scenes of her nearly getting it on with Ian Beale.



Can you guess what's going to happen next?



Yep. She purposefully poured wine on herself. To this day, no one has managed to make a wine spillage look convincing on TV. Anyway. That's probably enough of this. We're dangerously off remit.

WHAT WERE WE GOOGLING WHEN WE FOUND THIS?

"Old man phone"

"Ways to kill self"

"Gemma Bissix hi-res bra"