Ying and Niko demonstrating the Canon EF 1200mm zoom

And don't they do a lovely job of it?



"Some promo shots for a very large Canon zoom lens here. You even get to know the name of the 'pretty models', though there is a definite would and a definite wouldn't in my eyes."



"I also like the shot of the father teaching his young son how to pick up on the tell-tale clues which indicate that the woman in the tower block opposite is about to step into the shower - George."



Presumably, this one is George's "wouldn't." More details and behind-the-scenes shots from the event can be found here.



And this is what goes on behind-the-scenes. It ruins the magic somewhat. It's basically only two steps up from seeing a live sex show in Amsterdam.



Sadly, the supplied resolution isn't as high as we would have liked. But they will still "do."



It's the honesty and innocence in her little face that makes pictures like this such a joy. There's no way a Western demonstrater would be able to do this without looking embarrassed or pouting and trying to be sexy.



Do you think the photographer had to tell her to "hug it like you love it," or was this touching moment purely improvised by the model?



The same photographer also went to CommunicAsia 2007.



And Singapore IT Show 2007.



And BIG·BOYZ·TOYZ.



And Singapore Motorshow 2006. He basically gets around and performs.

Calling all Photoshop experts

Is there a way to de-blur the background of this? We think LG could be onto a winner here.



She has very nice fingers, that we are certain about.

The SUPER BATT super battery!

We have found a kindred spirit! Or, at least, someone else on the internet who likes shit batteries and taking photos of them.



This was taken off a man's Flickr page. Fantastic use of the Duracell scheme by these skanky fakes - skanky fakes that also have skanky fake power readers on them.



SUPER BATT even has an evil AAA twin! We haven't made contact with the photographer yet - we're more used to being on the receiving end of weird emails.



And, seeing as we had nothing else to do but trawl Flickr for batteries, we found these. Apparently 50-year-old Rayovac's.



And these. It has been a most productive morning! Flickr is a great place, not just for photos of women taken without their knowledge or consent.

Incredibly cheap electrical item proven to be DEATH RISK again

Who would've thought that a kettle costing only £9.94 might have a "manufacturing fault which may lead to scalding"?



Again, it's not that big a deal, as who really cares if a few students and poor people lose the use of and feeling in a couple of their fingers?

Breast massage robot

Great. Now robots are taking over the only things we enjoy in life.



Fuck off back to the Vauxhall factory, robot. They're ours. Link submitted by "Victor Latrine."

A gadget with a face AND a battery AND the inside of a reader's house AND a 3072 x 2304 resolution photo!

How Web 2.0 are we today? It's this sort of reader interaction and community-focussed user-generated content that's seen readership rocket by nearly three percent over the last 18 months.

Photo taken with a Pentax Optio M20. It displays a small level of pincushion distortion, minor purple fringing and definite chroma noise at this high ISO level.



"I've been meaning to take photos of that battery for a few weeks but never got around to it, but when I saw the latest gadgets with faces I thought I'd kill two rabbits with one stone. The battery was found in a calculator (broken) at work. The multiracial rabbits are being used for both salt and pepper, which is released by squeezing their ears, if that wasn’t painfully obvious - Brooza."

Fiona Williams "retires" from Samsung UK

Retires? Or was she PUSHED after this dismal effort?



She's obscuring at least 15 percent of the frontage! There are buttons AND a directional pad beneath her fingers! Shocking lack of hand control.

Her bosses in Swindon will have come under serious pressure from Seoul over this catastrophic hold.

APPEAL: Wealthy image fan required

BT has a staggering image archive that goes right back through the entire company's history. There is some SENSATIONAL material on there.

But, sadly, BT wants £8 EACH for hi-res downloads of the likes of these:



Can someone spend a few hours and a few grand buying everything on it, please? Everything. Just in case. CD or hi-res download will be fine. We're cool either way.



This is the sort of modern stuff you can get from BT for free. Kind of nice, but not as good at that one of the men and women from the 1970s feeling totally at ease with the idea of having phones in their houses.



Please, somebody! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF THE INTERNET! They have promotional images about SHIP TO SHORE COMMUNICATIONS for Christ's sake! We might be able to stomach paying for one a month, but that's all.

Gadgets with FACES #15: An evil Playboy bunny salt grinder

It is the Chef'n SaltBall Salt Grinder Stainless Steel, yours so you can live in terror of the salt for only £9.95.



If you're trying to eat less salt so you don't die of a heart attack alone and desperate at the age of 43, this could help. Who would want to squeeze flakes of bunny brain out over their oven chips?

Something from somewhere else, in its entirety

This. From here:

A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl's uniform and a long wig, local police said.

Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said.

When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said.

They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said.

Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details.

OK, headcount of comment-leavers, please.

Sharp has made something small

Or perhaps it's TRICKING THE WORLD by using an obscure coin from an isolated island state we have no frame of reference to vis-a-vis coin size?



Or it might be illustrating the difference between round and square. Sharp has made something that's usually round, square. Whatever. It's something that enables something we'll never use, so they may as well make it the size of a breeze block for all we care.

Rare Chinese spotted red-tip Jinri

This was thought to be extinct!



"I'm not sure you've got this rare-ish AA-breed in your collection? It's the dotted, red-tipped Jinri, obtained from I can't remember where in China some years ago."



"In spite of its colour, it doesn't exactly ooze "greenback", nor is it "Heavy Duty", merely "Super Quality". Probably contains loads of mercury, cadmium and what not, but at least they're being honest and not stating otherwise. Also, very easy to balance against each other for the photos. Easy to work with models."



"Thanks for an always interesting blog that filters out the non-essentials of the gadget industry, but sticks to what really matters. And for the blog's immaculate English, which is much appreciated in itself by this reader - Matt."



Thanks, Matt, but we wouldn't be able to keep up the standard of English without the unpaid army who email in pointing out every single typo and misplaced apostrophe within seconds of us hitting the "Publish" button. They are the forgotten heroes we take the credit away from. And the pay.



Suckers.

They've put wi-fi on buses in Wales

And they have released this promotional photograph to illustrate it.



We don't want to be racist about the Welsh or anything, but we'd imagine the amount of "business" done on coaches between Cardiff and Swansea isn't going to be quite as high as anyone's expecting.



In fact, this may be the biggest lie ever told by a promotional photograph, if our experiences of (1) coach travel and (2) South Wales are anything to go by.

Gadgets with FACES #14: Pioneer Susano amp

Forget the fact it's called Susan - THIS is definitely the face the last surviving human will see bearing down upon his broken body seconds before mankind is stomped into oblivion.



Unless John Connor can poke its "Standby" switch with a stick or pencil before it strikes, we're doomed.

Looks like the Eee PC's launching somewhere else

Although the facts behind this photo aren't anything like as important as the photograph itself, which is a very rare 'head to toe' shot.



Those shoes are totally unnecessary, unless she's just come from the filming of Laptop Lovelies Vol. 12.



When she said she'd bring a friend along this isn't quite what we had in mind.



He was scared to begin with, but is now starting to enjoy it. Which, coincidentally, would also be the official Idiot Toys review of using Eee PC's Linux OS.

UPDATE: Hi-res version acquired

Just in case you were admiring the quality and stress levels of the knitwear on #1, here's a version you can click on to make "it" go massive:



Actual-sized hands!

LG SH150A OLED something or other

Brave photographic work. Pioneering, in fact. The phones have been totally marginalised in favour of the chests. God knows how this one got approved for public release by LG top brass.



Very forward-thinking of them. The phone can do 7.2Mbps via HSDPA but looks a bit cheap. Perhaps that's why it has been marginalised? The one of the left is doing most of the marginalising.

The TECNOCELL and SuperLux!

TECNOCELL! TECNOCELL! TECNOCELL! TECNOCELL! And another battery of foreign origin that seems to be called SuperLux, or is at least made by SuperLux. Or imported by SuperLux. Or manufactured by appointment to SuperLux.



"Just got back from Morocco and found these gems on the beach. Would have liked to have shot them 'on location' but was distracted by the several Portuguese Men 'o' War that were washed up in very close proximity. And the lighting wasn't very appropriate."



"Still, I give you 'SuperLux' - surely the Ferrari of NiCad cells. And behold the mighty 'TECNOCELL'. You'll notice that some of it's awesomeness has leaked out and corroded the contact. Enjoy! - Foxy."



Enjoy indeed! Forget the Chinese and their workmanlike designs, these North Africans have got some CRAZY battery skills going on. Morocco is a definite possible future holiday destination. If you find stuff like this on the beach, imagine what there must be in the shops.

EXCUSE ME! Serious audiophile coming through!

Bang and Olufsen set to re-invent portable audio with its new OmniSound 360 JX1.



Or it's the "SweetPea" MP3 player for babies, so you can get them started on proper music and skip all that nursery rhyme nonsense.

A promotional picture for ladies undergarments

Brings back memories of being about ten years old and finding adverts for tights strangely interesting, without really knowing why.



Still don't really know why. And there's some definite Photoshop work been done to her upper torso.

YOUR MOTOROLA REQUESTS #2

Reader "Steve" asked if Motorola had any photos of his gran, as she used to work in one of the company's outsourced Welsh factories during the 1960s.



And here she is! Margaret Hamilton, assembling a Motorola TM708S car radio.

The amazing handsfree Nubrella

Can't wait to see Gemma Atkinson promoting one of these when it launches in the UK. We're thinking bikini, heels, poolside, buckets of water and something like a Canon EOS 1Ds Mark III to ensure the event is recorded in the mexapixellage it deserves.



They have a totally Web 2.0 site to promote it as well. So it's definitely not a joke, as you're not allowed to register internet names for anything that's pretend.



Sadly the only other promotional photos of it involve Fonzy off Happy Days.



Yeah, awesome, although perhaps creating a cheap and sustainable water filtration system for Africa and the Asian sub-continent ought to be a bit higher up your invention priority lists. If you're asking for ideas.

The SUPER LONLIFE

Not only spelt wrong, but spelt wrong in the actual product name. And in capital letters. Fortunately, the dazzling red & green 1984 futurism design makes them a joy.



"I'm not sure if these batteries are rare or not, but I figured you'd be the man to ask. I found them in the remote control of my girlfriend's DVD player."



"Notable certainly for their distinct green colour, and the curious exclusion of the letter G in their name. Enjoy! Matt."



Hopefully Gemma Atkinson will be along to promote something soon.

YOUR MOTOROLA REQUESTS #1

This one goes out to reader "Phil," who asked if Motorola had any promotional photos of raven-haired MILF's buying suspiciously large quantities of pet food while the shop assistant utilises a Motorola bar code scanner to quickly scan the item and ring it through the till.



Yes, Phil, Motorola has exactly the shot you were looking for!

The LG KF510 portable communications device

LG's hired some over-16s for this one. Must be aimed at the 17-65-year-old market. Or men in general.



Flash of thigh! Flash of thigh!

A very DISHY battery!

Dishy in more ways than one! (In two ways - it's dishy as in sexy, plus it's called DISHY). Shame the battery wasn't placed in a dish for the sensational triple-o.



"I found this gem in a basket at work labelled 'live batteries'. It's a triple 'A' Dishy, sporting a bold green, purple and black finish with proud yellow font."



"If you can be bothered to zoom into its little logo before the 'D', it looks like the battery is actually called 'Disny' in small print, which would have been a great mixture of deadly chemicals and children's dreams. And yes, I know Disney is spelt with an 'e'."



"I took the pictures with my K850i, which has a rather rubbish and unpredictable flash, presumably due to the battery being unstable and liable to explode at ANY given moment. Enjoy - Aron."



Thanks for sending it in, Aron! If Aron is really your name and you didn't mean to type "Anon." Although the distance between the 'r' and 'n' keys suggests that your name really is Aron.



Very nice. Would you like to trade, Aron? We have several Golden Powers and a shit-load of Japan Techs you can have in return. Both are good entry level batteries to start a collection with.



Nice angle. The K850i has quite a good camera, it turns out.



Reader's hand! Reader's hand! One day, someone's going to get their girlfriend to hold batteries for a photo. One day. It WILL HAPPEN. She'll become a STAR, even if the batteries are just old flat Duracells.



It's always good to get a "lifestyle" shot as well. This was taken in a bar, shortly before the impromptu breakdancing party started. Thanks for the effort, Aron!

Motorola. The company. The legend.

We have gained access to a staggering collection of hi-res images promoting the Motorola range. Everything is covered. Everything! Here is but one of the gems uncovered so far.

We're not talking the modern RAZR nonsense - it covers EVERYTHING. 1990s. 1980s. 1970s. Even old black and white ones of happy women with pointy breasts and husbands smoking cigarettes.



If anyone has any requests of Motorola products you would like to see hi-res images of, send them in. As of 4.06pm today our account is still working. We are currently queuing things up like mad before someone notices its security has been breached by a privilege-abuser.

Companies that don't get it - Elonex

This is the Elonex ONE. It's a super-cheap rival to the Eee PC. Only it isn't. Because it looks awful, whereas the Eee PC was so nice even women used it.

Still, it has more USB sockets than a MacBook Air and is only £99.



Honestly, you could even get away with putting an Amstrad logo on that monstrosity and people would believe it.

The disastrous English of the HUXING AA

Extraordinarily poor English and in the most dangerous place of all - the safety instructions.



"Here are a couple of HUXING AAAs from an old remote control of an amp that caught fire - lovely spelling for the warning - Daryl."

What's Gemma Atkinson promoting this week?

Tits or bras or Guinness?



Tits.



No, bras!



No, Guinness!



Definitely Guinness.



Lip waxing?



Google! She's promoting Google via a necklace!



Or maybe tits and a new kind of bra AND Guinness? A bra made by Guinness?



Lipstick? Lipstick that stays on even when you drink Guinness?



Could be anything.



Or maybe this weekend is National Pull Yourself A Drunken Trollop Weekend?

Green & gold never goes out of fashion

You'll know we've featured the KING RING before, only that was the more common AA version. Here's the much rarer AAA version! Imagine our surprise and joy when this beauty rocked up in the old inbox.



"Not quite sure if your request for battery photos was sarcasm or not, but I've taken it as my cue to send in these shots I took of the King Ring battery."



"One would assume something as puerile as a King Ring battery would have been mailed in before, but the search said no" [THAT'S BECAUSE IT DOESN'T WORK, SORRY]



"As you can see I'm pretty rubbish at taking photos, or writing comical captions despite the gift of a King Ring."



"It came out of a cheap ass Medion/Aldi brand FM transmitter, which even though it cost seven quid works quite well. Cheers - Paul."

Play.com launches DRM-free iTunes rivalling download service

Play.com is acutely aware that this headline alone will not set the world on fire. So it got a woman in.



The woman is portraying how much fun paying for music is.



She must be listening to the Sonic R soundtrack! Or has just worked out how to adjust the volume.



Dave wrote something serious about its features and how it works over on Tech Digest. We'll just concentrate on the photos of the girl in the t-shirt. DRM isn't an issue when you get everything off Bittorrent.



OK, OK, we get it. You've got a tongue. Now put it away.

A Daimon, an (NX) and our old friend the Japan Tech

Nearly didn't use these, as that Daimon looks awfully familiar and the Japan Tech - well, haven't we all got a Japan Tech at home somewhere?

But the idea of a battery with a name like (NX) was just irresistible.



Nice kitchen. Always a joy to get a glimpse into a reader's house.

THE ACCOMPANYING NOVELISATION:
"Good afternoon, I thought you may appreciate this picture of some batteries I found in various low quality Korean electronic goods I found lying around the house.

"Up first is the rather sinister looking 'DAIMON'. With it's dark pin-stripe attire one would imagine it lurking in a dull corner of some seedy bar, watching the girls go by before powdering it's nose and going out on the rape. This contemporary classic came from a crudely produced electronic keyboard, bought from the pound shop in Witham, Essex.

"Next we have the brightly decorated 'NX' battery, which would doubtless feel at home with a couple of glow sticks, a whistle and a general lack of personal hygiene. After partying the night away this cheeky chap will be found face down in an ecstasy-induced coma, before dying and being hailed as a very popular young man in the gutter press. This little blinder was located in the generic remote control which came with a Sagem Freeview box. (Sporadic reception on all stations, despite this
area being deemed to have a strong signal).

"Last but not least is the wee man, the 'NEW JAPAN TECH'. I can't say a lot about this because I've become distracted by the sight of a new neighbour moving in. All I can say is that this fella was found in a little plastic mouse which is also a radio, and basically a bit shit.

"I have to go and stare at my new neighbours now. Maybe you could discard the text and just do something with the picture. I really only wrote all that because I'm off today and bored out of my fucking skull - Ratboy Crane."

The "Super" Sony

Hooray for Sebastian! Just when we thought it was back to the misery of the Nokia press archive for us, Seb CAME THROUGH with these rather nice - but clearly DEADLY - Sony AAs from his Bravia remote control.

At least his misfortune in purchasing a Samsung LCD with a Sony logo on it for twice the price has lead to marginal fame on the internet today.



"I hear you are desperate, so I grabbed any closed item with batteries in and found these gems in the remote for my Sony Bravia. See how if you put them in the right order it says: 'Super Sony'! How magical. I doubt anyone else has been able to make their batteries say as much as mine."



"Feel free to make any jokes about the bit where it says 'May explode', I can't think of any due to living in perpetual fear of my remote blowing up in my hand."



We take back everything we've ever said. Sony is amazing. Any company that can effortlessly combine silver and red in such a stylish fashion deserves credit.

Emporia Telecom makes phones for old people

Which can only mean one thing - OLD LADY PRODUCT PHOTOGRAPHY!



They've dumbed it down quite spectacularly.



Actually, that was the back. The front has more numbers to make poor grandma extra confused.



For once, we're not pleased that the model's top few buttons are undone.

With Its Senior Citizens' Mobile at the GSM World Congress Emporia Telecom is a Leader in Technology

Emporia Telecom will be the only Austrian company represented at the GSM World Congress in Barcelona from 11-14 February. With special mobiles for senior citizens, the company has become a technology leader in this field. "Easy calling" is the secret of its success, because people aged over 50 are often overwhelmed by conventional mobile phones or don't need their extensive functions.

Are your fingers too large - or are the buttons too small? Are you hard of hearing - or is the loudspeaker too quiet? Are you too clumsy to navigate the menu - or is it just too complicated? Emporia Telecom knows how the older generation struggles with using phones. "Customers should be offered information instead of multiple functions," says company founder Albert Fellner. "Quality and user-friendliness come first in everything we do." Large buttons, an easy-to-read display, a loudspeaker that is compatible with hearing aids and simple menu navigation.

The global technology leader's mobile phones for senior citizens are very different to standard devices. Components from industrial machinery control panels are used in the button design. The character height is ideal for the large display. To make understanding easier for the hearing impaired, Emporia Telecom is banking on special loudspeakers that have an unusually low resonance frequency for mobile phones. Feedback, whistling and general noise are greatly reduced. Senior citizens often get lost in the many menu levels of conventional mobiles. But with Emporia Telecom's mobile phones, software is replaced by hardware. With the "EmporiaLIFEplus" for instance, important menu functions can be accessed directly and automatically with buttons.

The Models and their Additional Options:

emporiaLIFE
o Emergency call function to let you call for help quickly and easily. Just press the button on the rear side of the mobile, and five preset numbers will be automatically dialled.
o Special display that's extremely easy to read
o "Settings" menu item can be blocked

emporiaLIFEplus
o Emergency call function to let you call for help quickly and easily. Just press the button on the rear side of the mobile, and five preset numbers will be automatically dialled.
o Important menu items can be operated with a slide switch
o Hands-free system

emporiaTIME
o No menu - all functions can be accessed via side buttons
o Extra button for alarm clock adjustment (e.g. to remind you to take medication)
o High-quality aluminium housing

emporiaTIMEplus
o No menu - all functions can be accessed via side buttons
o Extra button for alarm clock adjustment (e.g. to remind you to take medication)
o Pull-out phonebook drawer

emporiaTALK
o Extra-loud speaker
o No menu - all functions can be accessed via side buttons
o Reduced to the bare essentials

Toshiba! Shisu! Jinniu! Xellex! Lexel!

Generous battery philanthropist "Courtster" has granted us a viewing of his personal collection. This is the first time the Courtster AAA Collection has been displayed in public. It is a truly great honour.



"These batteries are from my personal collection - I have taken pictures of them in full 10 megapixel glory."



"They are available on my Flickr account. If you have a Pro account you can download them from there in full size. If not, please reply back and I can email you the ones that you want as they are 80mb all together. Cheers - Courtster"



From left to right, for the visually-impaired - Toshiba, Shisu, Jinniu, Xellex and Lexel.



Individual close-ups at ridiculously high resolution were indeed supplied of them all, but the sheer simplicity of the Toshiba's minimalist rear makes it the clear winner.

Gadgets with FACES #13: The AiVN V-88

It's a group of robot owls. These ones have evolved. They have legs now. This is a meeting of the High Council of Elders.



They are discussing whether it would be best to initiate a full nuclear strike against humanity, or to simply carry on gradually invading our homes by pretending to be speakers and iPod docks until ZERO HOUR comes.

Sony Ericsson round up - and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

Good old Sony Ericsson. Always the first to get a proper photographer in with a proper camera to make it's mobiles look all edgy and exciting.

Here, Sony Ericsson is displaying its new C702, R306 and C902 mobiles in a variety of realistic usage scenarios.



You'd think a man wearing a scarf and all of his clothes in a fountain would be the person having his photo taken, not the one doing the taking. Something AMAZING must be happening off-screen! His wacky friends have probably brought a sofa and a boombox down to the square and are doing some impromptu breakdancing!



Over the school fence? Sick.



Sony Ericsson called this photo "Woman sitting next to phone". You can't argue with such superb corporate utilitarianism.



What's this rather leathery minx taking a photo of? You can probably guess.



She was taking a photo of her sexy friend. Aren't they always?



Uh-oh! ABANDON THE SHOOT! She's pressed something and a funny menu screen has come up and she can't make it go away.

*Jingle* promotional image of the weeeek

It's a suitcase for putting all your sex toys in.



With, by the looks of it, a separate carrying case for two shower heads, and a couple of dusters for tidying up after yourself.

Another sexy pair!

Check this couple of HOT twins out. It's 100% non-stop FILTH on here at the moment.



They're begging to be inserted and USED!



They want to be DRAINED, the filthy cells!



Look at them. All shiny. Shiny and clean.



That's one SERIOUSLY worrying warning. You wouldn't think "alkaline" could be so dangerous.

There's a phone show on in Barcelona

Literally 50 new phones have been announced today. We're not doing anything on any of them here, as that would lead to the premature scrolling downwards of the Teclast M30 update. Here's a token mention of the new Sony Ericsson range:



Straight to the waste bin. Although we might have a trawl for arousing/idiotic lifestyle photography tomorrow.

When people look and sound EXACTLY like you think they're going to look and sound

#1: John Zubrzycki from the BBC's research and innovations department, who looks and sounds exactly like you'd expect him to look and sound.



It doesn't often work out so spectacularly well.

HOT and eventually LESBIAN holding ACTION!

Don't know what's going on here. But like it. Like it VERY MUCH. It would appear to be a media player called "Teclast M30" that has RealPlayer capabilities.

But never mind that. Here's the entire gallery.



We have saved all of the images. Not because we are perverts, but because material of this quality needs to be kept safe for future generations. It accurately sums up the sexist Chinese thing holding scene of 2008. It is a historically important document, not just something for wanking over later.



Every link followed. Every page viewed. Just in case they've got some other hot honeys pouting into a mirror while showing off their range of DVD burners.



Never before have we scoured a foreign-language web site with such enthusiasm and dedication.



AND HER FRIEND JOINS IN!



This one is the best one. We think you will agree.





Beyond our wildest product photography dreams.



This one's ace. She looks like she's dead!



Oh. Wait. That's just her normal expression. That's very handy. Instead of having to find/make a dead one, you can just use this one and avoid all the cleaning up afterwards.



Brilliant acting by the small one. She's ENGROSSED!



It's even eventually HOT FOOT FETISH holding action too.



Knee/elbow fetish base also covered.



Very good.



Excellent. See me.





Genius. Literally the best thing on the whole internet. Thanks to "Jon" for finding them. God knows how he found them, but we are very glad he did.





Genius++



And there ARE MORE - the Teclast T39 has loads of similarly arousing semi-porn photos. Well done, Teclast. And thanks. Don't ask what for, it's best you don't know.



OK, just one more.



This really is the end of the update now, although the enjoyment will carry on until late into the night. And possibly again tomorrow morning.

*Jingle* Most arousing promotional image of the weeeek

This photo also wins the Most Like It's Still The 1970s Promotional Image of the Weeeek award, along with the Idiot Toys Special Commendation for bravely still portraying women like objects in the year 2008.



The story behind this stunning photograph is sadly monumentally dull. It's a mobile phone company that did a survey about text message chat-up lines and "flirting" in cars. Whatever flirting is. This picture is the idea they had to illustrate it with. When Wired magazine or tomorrow's Observer runs with Talk2Reg's list of "best chat up lines" they can use this photo.

"ARE THOSE SPACE PANTS YOUR WEARING COZ YOUR ASS IS OUT OF THIS WORLD?"

Talk2Reg flirt survey reveals best and worst chat up lines

With Valentines Day just round the corner, many of us will be hoping to flirt our way into someone's affection. A survey carried out by Talk2Reg shows that we are not confined to flirting with work colleagues or people we meet in bars or clubs. According to the survey 61% of people have admitted to flirting with a stranger whilst in their car, whether it is a cheeky grin or smouldering look, UK flirters are shameless.

It's not just a pretty face that appeals to us when flirting, 54% of respondents said the car had an influence on whether they flirted or not. On top with 39% was, surprise surprise, sports cars, and cool convertibles with 26% of the vote. While 3% love a lorry driver - who said us flirters are shallow! The Talk2Reg flirt survey also found out that the sexiest car on the road roaring into pole position is Audis and Mercs, leaving three-wheel wonders and Skodas in their dust.

The survey also unleashed some of the best and worst chat lines, so this Valentines Day choose carefully...

Six of the best chat up lines

* You are like a compass, without you I am lost.
* Are you a parking ticket coz you got fine written all over you?
* Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
* Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past you again.
* I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!
* Are those space pants your wearing coz your ass is out of this world?

Six of the worst....

* Here's 20p, ring your Mum and tell her you won't be home tonight.
* How do you like your eggs in the morning?
* I like your dress it would look great on my bedroom floor.
* Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
* Your dad must have been a thief, coz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes!
* If you were a burger you'd be a McGorgeous.

Notes to editors:

Talk2Reg surveyed over 600 UK flirters between the ages of 17-40.

Talk2Reg is the latest social network that allows you to communicate safely and securely with any vehicle driver in the UK simply by texting their number plate, Talk2Reg

*Jingle* Depressing promotional image of the weeeek

It's a bag with built-in speakers. The marketing director brought his old iPod in for the photoshoot. It is screaming misery. Just imagine the tinny nature of it all.



Here's the press release. It is also the Most Depressing Press Release of the Weeeeeeek.

"PERFECT FOR IMPROMPTU PARTIES OR CREATING THE PERFECT RETRO BACKDROP TO SHOW OFF YOUR BREAKDANCING MOVES"

"Just in at Freefalluk.com is the Boombox Bag – the ultimate carry all for music lovers. Styled like a retro Boom Box, it not only looks the part, but also sounds it. Just plug in an MP3 player and the inbuilt speakers will play your favorite tracks.

"Perfect for impromptu parties or creating the perfect retro backdrop to show off your breakdancing moves. Or more practically, a great way to get double duty out of your hand luggage on a plane – no need to save space in your suitcase for your speakers next time you go on holiday! Of course, you could also use it to annoy people on the bus or the local high street, but Freefall obviously wouldn't condone that course of action..."

WANSHIDA - Made in WANSHIDA

We have nearly run out of emails about batteries. This could be the last battery update for quite some time (by this we mean PLEASE SEND IN SOME MORE BATTERY PHOTOS, as going back to doing updates about mobile phones is a terrifying thought).



"I hope you like the attached (rubbish) photos of some Wanshida R6 1.5V size AA batteries. Despite the inept use of my camera's macro function you should be able to see the proud legend 'Made in Wanshida'; as sure a guarantee of quality as anyone could wish for."



"I found them powering the electronic singing bird toy my mother-in-law sent us from South Africa."



"It responds to noises such as hand claps, dropped cutlery, toes stubbed on kitchen units, crockery slammed on to worktops by wives who think their husbands should be helping with the washing up rather than looking at photos of oriental thing holding models on the internet, etc. with a cheery, piercing electronic birdsong and flashing red LED which as I'm sure you can imagine becomes ever more charming and hilarious. Regards, Rob."



Getting them out was clearly a bit of a struggle.

Bluetrek - trying VERY HARD to make Bluetooth headsets sexy

And failing, obviously, due to Bluetooth headsets being as sexy as finding a dead dog in your cornflakes.

Still, they gave it a go.



This one didn't come at a higher resolution, sadly. Although they did use it rather huge in the background of one of their show stands.



Bluetrek also held a fashion show. This is never a good idea for any companies other than fashion companies.



To this day, no one has managed to make a Bluetooth headset look anything like cool or acceptable.



What on EARTH is this? Has he been dressed like an Englishman?



The hours spent trawling its image archive weren't completely wasted.



Wave your hands about all you like, sweeties, it's still a Bluetooth headset and everyone's still going to be laughing at the photos.



The best attempt yet. If in doubt, get a woman to lick it. We will be checking back with Bluetrek's work on a regular basis. If anyone can sex up a Bluetooth headset, Bluetrek could be the first.

Gadgets with FACES #12: A car eating a woman

Those big round silver things are its eyes. It's staring at her head while she sits on its mouth. Its lips are quivering with excitement!



It is probably wondering if anyone is looking and if it could get away with eating her. She is, to be fair, asking for it by sitting on its lips.

Apple fans attempt humour again

The Cult of Steve Jobs strikes once more. Here's a proper company making another copy of the envelope Steve kept the MacBook Air in. For you to buy.



What is wrong with Mac people? How did they all turn out like this? Did the government put too much fluoride in the water in the 1970s?

Hewlett Packard tells a story

Beautiful photograph. Wonderful arrangement. There's so much depth on display here. How many things can you spot?



She has a dog. She often takes photos of her dog, but worries about losing all the photos of her dog should the unthinkable happen and her hard drive break. So she used the HP's removable hard drive to take the photos to a photo shop and get a print out.

The dog's penis was visible in the best photo, so she used the mouse to Photoshop out the penis. This was all made easier by the HP's crystal clear widescreen display. Before doing so, she used the pencil in the convenient pencil-holder to sketch out a plan of how the adjusted photo should look.

Oh, and the photo was taken with that webcam. So it must have a long cable or be wireless because it's in a completely different room. What a roller-coaster!

HOLDING FOR BEGINNERS #3: The Range

Always ensure one of each colour is clearly visible. Don't over complicate things - a simple line is always best if in doubt!



Intermediate-to-advanced holders will note that the buttons on all the phones have been recently pressed to deactivate the screen savers and turn on the back lights - always crucial during a phone photoshoot, which can last for anything up to 17 hours. But we'll cover that in more detail over the coming weeks.

The military design of the POWER ULTRA A

Quite frankly beautiful 1980s design. This is so cool we're concerned it might be a brilliant fake.



Submitted by someone who wants to remain anonymous. Which is a shame - a discovery of this nature deserves personal recognition.



Originally, the submitter just sent in one of these photos. So we asked for more. And he sent more. Thanks for going the extra mile!



Grrrr! The porn shot! Awesome battery, awesome photos.







His other submission - a Konnoc Ni-MH - relegated here due to us still not being that excited about the rechargeable scene. This boy shows serious battery photography promise. He'll be snapped up by Duracell in no time.

Gadgets with FACES #11: PetSound Ultrasonic

Fat gay robot that lost an eye in a childhood accident.



From here. It's something to do with stopping dogs from barking. At least it isn't an iPod dock.

TINKO AAA rare alternate silver/green

Back in December of 2006 we featured the TINKO AAA battery. You no doubt remember this clearly and vividly, it's certainly one of our personal highlights!

We have now acquired photographic evidence of an alternate-coloured TINKO. It would appear that TINKO has updated its image for the new millennium.



"The name is ace but the batteries themselves are a bit disappointing. They were found inside a promo Resident Evil compass/torch/radio thing that I got years ago when I pre-ordered a Resi game from some website."



"I tried to be clever and do some artistic photography but my camera needed charging and I only had my N95 to hand. Also, I'm a bit shit at artistic photography so the end results are far from stunning. I'm more used to taking quick photos whilst trying not to get caught.



"Hopefully you can come up with something funny to write about them - Phorenzik."

UPDATE:
Sadly we were unable to come up with anything funny to say about the Tinko, even though it's been over a week since we received the photos. We experimented briefly with an angle involving a joke based around 1980s women's concentration camp drama "Tenko," but it was abandoned after about 30 seconds of thinking through.

The "Idiot Toys" rechargable AA

It's the second custom-designed Idiot Toys battery! (Previous effort here and here). Sadly these ones are rechargeable. We're still not sure how we feel about rechargeables. They're like cheating science. Very good work, though:



"Inspired by those fake Lumberjack batteries, I thought I would have a go at making some AA batteries of my own in 3DS Max. I think they resemble shotgun shells, but perhaps that's not a bad thing. Anyway, hope you like them - James."

HOLDING FOR BEGINNERS #2: The Use

Hold to ear. But don't talk - this could lead to an ugly blurring of the lips and mouth, which would render the photograph unusable.



Intermediate-to-advanced holders may, as you can see, use the spare hand to model the unit in a clearer fashion. We'll cover that in more detail over the coming weeks.

SUPER Vinnic batteries and a massive invasion of a lady's privacy

A man found some nice Vinnics. Only they were inside his girlfriend's 'stress reliever' or 'shoulder massager' or whatever it is they have to be called in order for grandmas to be able to buy them from catalogues without feeling embarrassed.

This is either arousing or sickening.



"While rummaging through some of my girlfriend's boxes looking for interesting batteries I happened across a strange vibrating Hello Kitty toy, which to my delight was powered by a 'SUPER Vinnic HEAVY DUTY'."



"I can only assume this 'massaging wand' had been put to serious use as the Vinnic was almost exhausted."



"I thought I would try and add a little context to the battery by including the Hello Kitty device. I feel it really adds something to actually see where the battery has been used. Image taken with a Nikon D50 with a AF-S Zoom-Nikkor ED 18-200mm f/3.5-5.6G IF DX VR Lens - Adrian."

PREVIOUS BATTERIES FOR THE LADY:
Natural Countours

£22 ASDA Durabrand XB2316 microwave in "fire risk" shock

Who would've thought that an amazingly cheap ASDA microwave might be dangerous in some way? 300,000 of these are currently sitting in the bedsits of students across the country. All have been recalled. It will be cold beans out of the tin for many tonight.



"Even though this is only three microwaves, we take this sort of thing very seriously indeed, and that why we have taken the decision to recall all these microwaves. All customers need to do is bring them back to the store and we'll give them a full refund. It goes without saying we are very sorry indeed" - ASDA man.

Toshiba's gadget baby milk

Packed with all the essential vitamins and minerals your MP3 player needs.



This MP3 player can also cry and wee itself.