One girl, two cups

This is how Canon decided to illustrate the fantastic colour reproduction abilities of its latest printer. The girl wasn't quite colourful enough, so they got a couple of bright mugs in. No doubt an assistant had to rush down to the Korean equivalent of Habitat!



See that yellow? Canon could reproduce that. Canon could make you think a printout of this photo was a real girl holding a real mug.



You can't go pretending to drink out of it when you've just shown us it's empty, you daft cow!



She's already out of ideas, and has resorted to just trying to look a bit sexy. It kind of works if you imagine each cup is a gigantic testicle.



When in doubt - do the cute face.



Good god! Pull her out of there, she's gone INSANE.

Gadgets with FACES #39: A watch

It's an ironic watch. An ironic watch with a design like something from the past. You could put this on a t-shirt and wear it to a fashionable London bar and call yourself Matt Ironic.



People in the bar would say "Hey, Matt! Cool ironic t-shirt! Oh, and how are you finding your new MacBook Air?" Then, three hours later, a group of three 15-years-olds would say "Give us your fucking bag" and steal the MacBook Air, then swap it at Computer Exchange for a PS3 and 20 games after laughing at all your emails and photos.

Something like that.

SanDisk Extreme III PRO-HG DUO

Has read and write speeds of 30MB per second, so you could hide a 700MB adult education movie on one in just over 23 seconds.



Just in case she's getting suspicious about why the contents of the "DRIVERS" folder constantly show up in Recent Documents.

Stunning old batteries - and 1980s CHARGER!

Brilliant shots. Fantastic range. Also a rare glimpse into the battery-charging devices of the past.



"For some reason I myself do not fully understand we have tons of old batteries at home. So naturally I chose a few of the more interesting ones and took pictures of them. The red, white and blue (rechargeable!) Varta I used on my very first battery-powered toys in the early eighties. The label says it was made in 'West-Germany', while the slightly newer one on the left is from Japan."



"The Varta 2000. I included because of the nicely understated colour-scheme. Then comes the gold one, which boasts to be 'super dry' , a claim you won't find on today's batteries. The Panasonic 'Standard' is next, evidence of how much more modest these were named back in the day. Also there is the beautiful red and gold 'Daimon N1 Allkraft' with its dynamic stripes. The smaller BOSCH in the foreground has a simple but powerful design with a lighting-bolt on it, while the unusual OKANO is baby-blue coloured. Last but not least there is the 'special' battery that is so special it wouldn't tell you its manufacturer."



"By the way, that thing in the background is an ancient battery charger complete with a testing button. Oh, and in case you noticed: In a miserable attempt to make these shots more appealing I mimicked the 'semi-professional white background', using some pieces of blank paper lying around instead of whatever someone who actually knows what he's doing uses. At least I spared you the sight of our unkempt garden - Chris."

The 45-degree Kostanovic Bend

Such a hard manoeuvre. Head, neck, hands and product all to be considered and aligned. Can she do it? She's done it in practise many times so her coach Lidia Malankop says, but now, on the world stage, with two billion people watching - can she do it?



Easily into position. Nicely done, but she looks pained. Uncomfortable. She needs to...



OH YES! OH YES THAT'S IT! Beautiful! A perfect Kostanovic! She'll get bonus points for doing it with a heavy DSLR-style camera rather than a lighter snapper, too. And her finger's on "shoot" rather than "power." Pin the medal on her now!

UPDATE: Post box with better face

Looks a bit like a Harry Hill character.



"It's all in the positioning/shape of the eyes, see. This was taken on Ealing Broadway, before someone callously ripped the poor fellow's eyes off. Someone put new eyes on later, but it was never quite the same - Andrew."

UPDATE: Viteo super-zoom unlocked

Here you go. Occasional contributor "Roundtree Cumberbatch" tracked it down by "looking at the html."



We usually save this sort of thing for Porn Friday, but the body clock's in turmoil after the Bank Holiday so let's just go for it RIGHT NOW.

The Viteo Garden Shower

From a man who operates anonymously on the internet under the name of "discuit." This is the highest resolution version we could find. There's a bigger one on the product web site, but it's hidden behind some odd Java/Flash-based "super zoom" feature.

If you have a spare few hours today, please see if you can work out how to extract the high-res version.



Feels like "summer rain" apparently, although simply turning the hose on her would have much the same effect.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #2: An ironing board

Face! Head! Ears! Body! Legs! Arms neatly folded by sides! Lovely smart pink striped formal shirt like a city businessman! All it's missing is genitalia.



"Please find attached an ironing board with a face AND LEGS. Apologies for the low res image - Kieran."

"What my batteries did on their Easter Holiday‏"

There's nothing better than receiving numerous cries for help in your email inbox every morning. Today, it's Mark's turn, with his series of photographs entitled "What my batteries did on their Easter Holiday‏."



"Sorry for the poor quality pics - it's the old Kodak DC40 again! - Mark."



Mark, you would appear to be believing what Spongebob Squarepants is telling you again.



So much work, such a poor quality end result.



This will probably be the most popular update in the history of the site :(



Poor use of perspective.



This is really going to piss off all the people who've sent us 12megapixel studio shots of batteries that we haven't got around to using yet.

"BOOK EATING ROBOT SPEAKS"

A double celebration - not only is this a fantastic video of a gadget with a face and VOICE, it is also the first time we have embedded a Flickr video. Good luck with broadening your user experience, Flickr.



Sent in by "Phil" who must be a bit new to the site, as he didn't write any words for us to put down here.

CELEBRITY HOLDING: Usher and a Sony Ericsson duo

Sony logos in background ruin what would've been a pleasant celebrity hold.



Nice finger work. He must've worked in a mobile phone shop before hitting the big time. He's also clearly experienced at having two mobile phones at once, which is always a very suspicious sign. One for work and the family, plus a cheap pay-as-you-goer set to vibrate and hidden in the shed for arranging party time when the wife goes to visit her mum for a few days.

Lappy, The Eee PC 900 mascot WEEK: Day #5

All good things must come to an end. Bye, Lappy. Hopefully they'll put you away in a cupboard and not just throw you in the bin or on a fire now you've outlived your promotional purposes.



Thanks, Lappy. Thanks everyone who got involved. It's been a fantastic journey. Or a voyage. A voyage into very dark places.



Thanks photographer.



Thanks web hosting company.



Thanks man inside Lappy costume.



The end. Special thanks to Asus. Long may your bonkers yet ground breaking approach to PR continue. You have made this week a week of joy. Now, can we have one for free? Thanks.

GREEN POWER! UCAR! SAINSBURYS!

These must surely be the last three batteries know to man. We confidently predict that there will never be another battery update here. Surely the arrival of the "Sainsburys Long Life" is the end?



"All the battery updates lately inspired me to get involved and contribute a few of my own. Here's a nice pair of GP Industrial AAA's from my BT internet phone thing..."



"...and an ancient set of UCAR AA batteries from an equally ancient VCR remote (no idea what to do with them, GCSE French didn't cover 'respecter les polarites', don't want to risk a limb)."



"My favourite is the graphite powered extra long life offering from Sainsbury's, though, even if the other one - which leaked something, presumably graphite, all over the inside of the dictaphone they came out of - wasn't quite as long lived as this one. Enjoy, Richard."

Gadgets with FACES #38: A meth-addled and homeless tramp masquerading as a Hello Kitty sewing machine

We should introduce a sub-category of gadgets with faces, separating "accidental" faces from purposeful faces like this. But won't.



Utterly terrifying. Imagine this hiding in the darkened corner of a nine-year-old girl's bedroom. She'd grow up wrong and twitchy.

Lappy, The Eee PC 900 mascot WEEK: Day #4

We haven't felt this attached to a piece of foam and fabric since Grandad handed over a small fluffy bunny rabbit in 1977. A rabbit we subsequently loved and referred to as "Bungie" until as recently as 1994.



The smile on Lappy's face is directly proportional to the amount of silent tears being sobbed into its restrictive foam lining by the man on the inside.



We can only hope relevant security checks were performed on the man inside the suit before he was given carte blanche to hold youngsters.



How little of a hurry do you have to be in before the idea of hanging around having your photo taken with a 1970s-standard papier mache mascot becomes appealing?



Shit. Just four more photos left. This week has flown by :(

LAPPY MAN: Back

And so the circle is complete. We're not sure how to deal with a man who likes to have his photo taken, having never been the sort of people who like appearing in photos, so we'll just leave it here and hope we are never contacted by him and his cronies again.



"Awesome! See attached, as promised."



"I've also attached a picture of myself with Lappy, mostly for the benefit of David and Daniel Grilliopoulos - Ed (Incidentally, I wouldn't)."

Literally DROWNING in Dreamcast Vibration Pack photographs

You can stop now. The conclusion is as follows - the back of the Dreamcast Vibration Pack sort of does look like a little dinosaur, but only from the right angle. And the third-party one is much better than the official one.



"Pretending to play Soul Calibur or Virtua Fighter - he's obviously lying because a) he's posing for the camera and looking away from the monitor and b) one can plainly see that the stick is not attached as there is no data on the LCD display..."



"A big picture of the dinosaur lying back after a hard day's wobbling - Z."



"Here you go. Pictures of the Dreamcast vibration pack. Thought I'd include my Dreamcast in the photo lineup also."



"I'm not even going to attempt to think of some type of funny content to this e-mail, as I'm not too sure there is much else that can be said. But if you think of something, please knock yourself out and insert your own. Cheers, Graham."



"Do I win? - Stfn Wltrz." [No. Everyone else wrote more and took their own photos, so you are therefore relegated to last on a technicality.]



"Not content with a chance of appearing on Idiot Toys once this month, I jumped at the opportunity to take some pictures of not one, but two different Dreamcast rumble packs I own!"



"As you can see the Official one is a grumpy little fellow but you can't argue he's not cute with it."



"For some reason the third party one is a cheery chap... maybe he hadn't heard the lies spread by Sony at the time? Who knows? Enjoy! Delmorpha."



"This is your friend Roundtree Cumberbatch responding to the urgent call for photos of the Dreamcast's vibration pack. I hurriedly rushed over to my Dreamcast and ripped it out of the controller as soon as I saw the appeal. And plus I needed something in the basement anyway."



"I'm not sure what it was called in Europe, but in America it was oddly named the 'Jump Pack' and Japan called it the 'Puru Puru Pack'. There is definitely a face of some sort here, but I'm not sure of what. Perhaps a bucktoothed Tyrannosaurus Rex? I've enclosed photos of three different angles for your readers to judge."



"Excuse my ugly hands and the slight lack of focus, but I had to move fast to ensure Idiot Toys got its exclusive - Roundtree Cumberbatch."



"Here's the back of the Dreamcast rumble pack, in lovely 1728 x 2304 resolution no less. I can kind of see the face, but it's a bit crap isn't it?"



"I've also attached a pic of my Dreamcast First Aid kit, in case you get low on material for UK:R. Many a time have I cut a lady to see what comes out, but I've always resisted using one of these lovely Dreamcast plasters. Cheers, Nick."

Lappy, The Eee PC 900 mascot WEEK: Day #3

Day three and, unusually, our enthusiasm has not waned. These photos still seem as fresh and entertaining as the day they first [DISTRIBUTION METHOD REMOVED TO PROTECT IDENTITY OF SENDER].



Don't be scared, little girl. You're just having a nightmare in which objects come to life and have huge mouths to eat you up with. By the time you're 26 the mental scars will have healed and you'll be able to let a man touch you again.



This one is the winner. The way his tongue is sticking out makes the shot. This is definite desktop image material.



This is the first time we have encountered "emoticons" in press materials. Frankly, it doesn't really work.



Don't email in if you know these men.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #1: A postbox

Hope we're not about to unleash a wave of sick copycat vandalism on the brave red boxes of our nation with this.



"A possible reason why youths sometimes decide to urinate in one after a night out? - Ian."

Lappy Man FOUND!

Incredibly, the man we featured so happily holding a photo of himself with Lappy yesterday has been tracked down. We now have a photo of him with the photo AND standing in front of an update about himself.

We're going to have to put him in the Idiot Toys logo for a few days.



"I work with the man featured at the bottom of your update on the Eee PC launch. Sadly, he didn't wait for a printout photo of him holding the photo, so here's a photo of him next to your update about him holding a photo, featuring the original printout as well. If you put it on the site I'll take another photo of him in front of it, after which we can probably consider the joke spent - Ed."

Lappy, The Eee PC 900 mascot WEEK: Day #2

We continue to mine the gold. Today we have some attractive students with nice hair and some children. The children also have nice hair, but their hair is nice in the traditional sense of the word. The student hair is SEXY NICE, the child hair is CUTE NICE. Two very different nices.



The second and third people in the UK to buy an Eee 900 also had the great fortune and massive honour of having their photos taken with Lappy. Lucky them. Lucky, lucky them.



In this caption, the worthy Asus employee has gone to great lengths to point out that Eee PC isn't just for people with too much money who want a third computer just for using in bed.



Very attractive students. It's OK to hate them out of jealousy for the amount of sex and fun they are having. Stupid attractive young people. Kill them, Lappy. KILL THEM! Snap your lid shut on that blonde girl's delicate little head, then make her friends beg for their lives!



Why are they smiling? Is Eee PC also the star of a syndicated kids TV series on Nickelodeon? Is Lappy famous in Korea and/or the Philippines?



This man! What a man! Not only did he go along with the whole thing, he got a photo taken and then posed with the subsequent photo. We can only hope he also waited around for a print-out of the photo of him holding the photo.

Gadgets with FACES #37: A wonky-toothed old radio

Can we keep him, mum? Please? Can we keep him? Please? Please? I'll take him for walks. I'll tune him in. I'll clean out his manky, 40-year-old battery compartment? Please? Can we keep him, mum, please? Please? Please? Please?



"Two eyes, a bottom-lip and three crooked teeth. Hanging on a wall in a bar in Turkey. Tried explaining to my parents and girlfriend why I was taking a picture of it by mumbling something incoherent about 'gadgets with faces and it might get me on a website again' - Seb."

The SuperSmoker Sigaret

This would appear to be real. We keep getting sent press releases about it. It has to be real. It's been too sustained a campaign to be a one-off joke.



It's an electric cigarette.



It has an aspirational lifestyle YouTube campaign. It MUST be real. That's way too much investment for a mere joke. It can't be some kids trying to trap us into doing an update about something pretend. It is REAL.



Bill Wyman uses one. Or used one, once, in exchange for £50k and an afternoon out of his schedule and a photo he hopes none of his rock mates will ever see.

SOME FACTS:
"The SuperSmoker looks like a real cigarette, tastes like a real cigarette and produces a nicotine vapour so that it smokes just like a real cigarette. However, the SuperSmoker does not contain any cancerous substances or tar, it doesn't even burn. It is completely harmless to the people around you and can legally be smoked anywhere covered by the smoking ban. (www.supersmoker.co.uk)"

Lappy, The Eee PC 900 mascot WEEK: Day #1

We know what you're thinking. You're thinking "How can there POSSIBLY be a whole week's worth of update material based on the mascot of a new laptop computer range?

You will change your mind when you see photographs of THIS magnitude. You will be begging for MORE! We bring you the amazing, the magnificent, the man-in-a-costume LAPPY!



This is Lappy. Lappy is the Eee PC mascot. Lappy has just DESTROYED the reputation of Eee PC in one fell swoop. Eee PC was cool until this happened.



These are Lappy's friends. Are you starting to see now how this is going to be the greatest series of photo updates in the history of the internet?



Some of the photos have been annotated by Asus staff. This will give you a rare glimpse behind the scenes of the laptop promotion industry.



This is the largest and finest collection of material we have lucked into for quite some time. Stay tuned!

COMING LATER THIS WEEK:

Lappy molesting students!

Lappy confusing the elderly!

Children being frightened of Lappy!

PHOTO APPEAL: The back of a Dreamcast Vibration Pack

We have just received the following. IMMEDIATE ACTION is required by anyone in possession of - or anyone who knows a person who may be in possession of - a Dreamcast Vibration Pack.

"I know you like SEGA and you also like gadgets with faces. Today I bring a revelation. Although I have no picture, my memory tells me that the rear of the Dreamcast 'Vibration Pack' looks like an adorable puppy, or a baby dinosaur, depending on your view.

"The screws serve as eyes and the release button looks like a cute little jaw. It is so sweet that I stroked it. Twice - Randy."

Funnily enough, there doesn't seem to be a photo of the back of a Dreamcast Vibration Pack on Google yet. We could corner this area of the internet.

Anonymous man holding practically SQUARE Blaupunkt remote control

And so the slow drip-drip-drip of remote control photos continues. Frankly, we prefer submissions to focus on (a) the device or (b) a lady. Filling almost the entire frame with a picture of a man isn't ideal. But exceptions have to be made for awesome square Blaupunkt remotes.



"Hi there chaps. Here's a picture of my friend holding the largest remote control I've ever seen in my whole life. You can spot the TV in the background - an old Blaupunkt piece of crap (very rare). Hope you enjoy this piece of rubbish nostalgia - Sgeezus, Edinburgh.

"PS: I just covered my friend's eyes for privacy reason. Everything else is
purely original."

NEW FAVOURITE WEBSITE: What Mobile Magazine!

Who would've thought? The innocent-sounding What Mobile has a rather vast gallery of what can only be described as sluts holding mobile phones. Well, it could be described as ladies displaying communications technology, but that's not how we operate in THIS particular stinking bit of internet.



"I was doing a Google search for Rachel Grant (the woman off Brainiac) and stumbled upon a pic of some work she did for this site which I reckon you will enjoy"



"Only time will tell if you do an update on it. I will feel more enriched and somewhat starstruck if you do. Keep up the goodness - Andy."



Well reckoned, Andy! Time has spoken. We did an update on it. How could you ever doubt that we do an update on this awesome stash, considering the quality of "goods" on display?



We have certainly enjoyed this one and are doing an update on it RIGHT NOW. We have just enjoyed this photo the once so far, but will perhaps enjoy it again after dinner when energy reserves have come back up.



This one will be enjoyed either this evening or, more likely given our age, tomorrow morning.



Thanks, What Mobile!



Of all the places on the internet you'd think of looking for hot, phone porn, the What Mobile web site isn't one.



They even got legendary Page 3 girl Jakki Degg to do a pretend call! Who do you think she's on the phone to? Her agent about a record deal? Her mum about how she was right all along and she shouldn't have quit the ASDA job?



This one's called Vicki Blows. She has emerged as an early favourite, despite the sad lack of FLESH on show.



We're off to see if PC Shopper has a babes gallery.



Bye.



Bye (really this time).



OK. Bye.

Stealing back that which is rightfully ours

Some man with a blog said he was GOING to send us some alternative photos of Gena's fantastic massive Sony remote - but somehow forgot. God knows how much you need to have going on in your life to forget you took a photo of this staggering magnitude:



It's a 7.2 on the Idiot Toys photograph Richter scale! Strongest tremor of the year so far. The remote would also seem to pack some sort of 'cloaking' technology that makes taking decent photos of it impossible.

Gadgets with FACES #36: Fashionable London ashtray

It's powered by electricity, therefore is a gadget and fits the remit. It has definite potential as a Doctor Who Season 5 baddie, in an episode entitled "Thank You For Not Smoking." There would be an amusing and possibly homo-erotically charged scene in which the Doctor professes his love of "picking up a good butt."



"I don't know if this is classed as a gadget, but since it's clearly a badly disguised evil Cyberman it must be. These are the 'ash trays' provided on lampposts and railings around the Holborn area. In reality I suspect they are robot enforcers waiting to eliminate foolish earthlings who drop cigarette ends - Rick."

The return of... Urban Tool!

Amazingly for a company called "Urban Tool," Urban Tool is still going and successfully negotiating terms with its bank to continue operating. Well done, Urban Tool! We didn't miss you since the last time.

Here's a look at the Urban Tool Sportsholster as spotted by reader "Tom." It features what is quite possibly the best AND worst promotional photograph of all time:



THIS:
"Are you about to go jogging or to the gym? But where are you going to put your mobile phone, keys and music player?

"Ultimate carrying concept for outdoor/sports users, the SportHolster from Urban Tool is quite simply the perfect solution for carrying your mobile phone, PDA, Camera, Keys, Money, Wallet, MP3 Player and much more. The SportHolster will sit discreetly under a jacket to offer a secure place for all of your belongings, but looks even better on show.

"The sport holster can be worn comfortably around your shoulders. Through its ergonomic fit it allows unrestricted liberty of action during sport. It´s pockets are made of an elastic material which hold the contents such as mobile phone, money or keys and prevent it from shifting during movement. Integrated into the shoulder strap of the Basic Holster is a concealed retractable key strap, allowing you to have your keys at hand at all times."

Gadgets with FACES #35: A hungry little waste composter

Not that one. Not that one. Not that one. THAT ONE!



Found while looking for a discreet way to dispose of larger pieces of 'household waste'. The things you can't flush.

Gena's slide-out Sony remote control - PLUS VIDEO

Lucky old Gena has a remote control that, apparently, contains a secondary and smaller additional remote. A sort of escape pod, if you will. Or a deceased parasitic twin.



"Hi Idiot Toys. I was at my friend Gena's house the other day when I noticed this rather imposing specimen on her sofa-bed. It's for her Sony TV."



"I was excited; it is sizeable. However, this remote has a secret. The outer casing slides off to reveal a whole nother remote inside, with a veritable banquet of delicious buttons of all different flavours liberally spewed across its backside.



"Needless to say, on discovering this I was even more excited, perhaps too excited."



"Gena now thinks I have a fetish for remote controls and refuses to allow me further access to this particular example. Best wishes, Dan."



Exclusive video of remote in action. Not the clearest photostory we've featured - the remote really needs to be taken to a studio for proper examination.

LG's amateur outdoor holding

HOT AMATEUR TEEN OUTDOOR VOYEUR XXX LG HB620T.



At least they're keen to get involved.

Gadget with NUMEROUS FACES #1

Some sort of alarm. With about a million different faces in/around itself. The more you look, the more you discover! It's a bit of a long email, so feel free to just scroll down and laugh at all the various eyes and mouths on display.

(The one at the bottom is an actual man's face, not a gadget with an AMAZINGLY realistic face, by the way).

OPENING PREAMBLE:
"The subject is not a typo, this really is a single gadget with multiple faces. It has so many faces in fact, that pretty much every time I look at it I see a new face. So much so that it's beginning to frighten me a bit and I've stopped looking at the pictures, because it makes me think of H.R.Giger stuff and Hellraiser III."



"It may look like a standard, run-of-the-mill alarm system, but it hides a whole bunch of modern features including, but not limited to wires, a light, and the most faces I've seen on a single gadget. For instance, turn it around and..."



"...you get a Jason mask thing. Well, you would if the two large eyes in the centre got your attention first. Otherwise you may have noticed the happy face at the top. To be honest, I've no idea why he's so happy - he's stuck to a wall his entire life and can't see anything. Also, between the two large eyes is a third face. It's a bit small but in its favour, it has a pair of functional eyebrows.

"This image could be incorporated into some kind of freaky console-war psychological test - if you saw the smiling face first, then you're a happy, blue-sky Sega kinda guy. If you saw the Jason mask first, you're a closet serial killer who enjoys Rape Bitch Murder Street on your PS3, which you really ought to have stolen.

"There are probably some more faces there, but I'd imagine it all depends on what you believe constitutes 'a face'. According to Wikipedia: 'The face is the front part of the head and includes the hair, forehead, eyebrow, eyes, nose, ears, cheeks, mouth, lips, philtrum, teeth, skin, and chin.'

"The above definition is a bit ambiguous, as it doesn't mention whether a face needs all of those bits or whether the face is simply the bit where you'd find all those bits. Back to our gadget, here's another pic at an angle. Maybe more faces will appear?"



"I can't see any more faces. But suppose we were to turn it upside down?"



"WE'VE UPSET HIM :( He could be upset because we turned him upside down, or maybe all that talk about being squashed against the wall has given him ideas. Or maybe he's just a big racist and can't stand having to rely on a brown man's hand for stability? Maybe he prefers the white hand?

"Notice the little face in the middle is now also upset (whereas before he was completely indifferent) and in his sadness has grown a little goatee beard. He may be sad now, but nothing can prepare him for the inevitable mask removal process..."



"BUT WAIT, HE'S HAPPY AGAIN! And he's wasting no time in bombarding me with a load of delightful instructions and warnings to prove it! I particularly like the red sticker which says it should be removed before installation. It's been signed 'W', so the alarm company knows who to fire for being a willy.

"The main face has turned out to be some kind of Darth Vader-alike with all those wires. He told me he was my dad but that's probably a lie. I'm too brown to be his son. Speaking of brown, he doesn't seem too miffed about me holding him now, so I guess he isn't a big racist after all. Although he did call me a Paki when I tried putting his mask back on, the little darling - Regards, Bilal Sheikh."



"PS: After the recent poll and that self-proclaimed 'best gadget with a face ever', I was worried people may be getting bored of gadgets with faces, so I have also enclosed a picture of me wearing the RIP t-shirt at Hamley's last year as a sort of friendly emotional blackmail.

"The bananaphone could pose a problem, as it may lead commonfolk/wankers to believe that all SEGA activists are a bunch of wallies, which is simply is not true. If I'd known at the time that it'd be used for such purposes I would've done things differently, like take the photo next to the PS3 booth and Photoshop in a stream of piss."

Kendal - and a Reader's Window and Rug

Taking us back to the heady days of May 2007, with this - an alternate-coloured Kendal. Finally we will be able to relax, safe in the knowledge that, yes, the Kendal AA batteries are indeed done up in a different livery to the AAAs.



"New battery discovered - bundled with a wireless Rock Band guitar controller. We have here not two or four but three examples of this lovely Kendal alkaline AA battery."



"It combines the sleek industrial colour scheme of the Panasonic Super Heavy Duty with the attractive, confident design of an Energizer. How can you not put all of your trust into a battery that claims to have 'large capacity' and 'strong alkaline'?"



"Please excuse my dirty rug (no pun intended, as my pubes, on the other hand, are quite clean) - 'Roundtree Cumberbatch'."

Gadgets with FACES Special Furniture Edition: A couple of happy chairs

Now this is crossing a line. Chairs are not gadgets and there are plenty of other sites out there dedicated to finding faces in odd places.

But still. It's an awesome photo and it would appear to be ours on an exclusive basis so we'd be MAD to turn it down, especially as we've already done taps.



Submitted by "courtster" with no explanation as to what he/she was doing hanging around in what is presumably a school.

REMOTE CONTROL: Ultra-minimal Alba 'music centre' remote

Keepin' it old school. Back in "the day" it wasn't about how many buttons you had. It was about how well it fitted the hand and the quality of the finish. How we miss these curved icons of simpler days.



"A super minimalist remote control. With only 3 buttons, ( the volume button is a rocker, so you could argue it's got 4 ) I think it was the remote for a stereo, or 'music centre' as they were once known."



"Of more interest was the back of the remote, which has a hole in it so you can hang the remote on a nail. This was cutting edge product design at the time and Alba should be congratulated for trying to solve the problem of losing the remote in such a radical way, even if ironically it seems I have lost the very thing the remote was manufactured to control."



"The batteries were a disappointing set of AAA Duracells, so I didn't bother photographing them - Paul."

The Zha... Zhoa... Zhaoch... Zohoach... ZHAONENG

Submitted by Daryl B of Nokia Box Photo fame. He hasn't exactly pushed the boat out when it comes to descriptions of his battery find, but he did at least go into the lounge for a "lifestyle" shoot. And you get to see another Reader's Table.



"Notice the leaking on the top battery."



"Arty shot in tree that lives behind me."



"Another arty shot in the same tree - Daryl B."

Gadgets with FACES #35: A secondhand foot massager

An owl. With a Braille face. Also seems to have a smaller secondary face stuck to its forehead, no doubt to lure prey into its mouth.



"I came across this 2nd hand foot massager at a local Ca$h Converters. I mean, seriously, WTF? Who would want something that some old granny has been rubbing her corns and bunions on? Other than it's a gadget with a face - YAY! Sean (Liverpool)."

Cock sauce

Someone who thinks we'll put ANY old rubbish up here found the following humorous foodstuff.



"Back in damp, cold northern Europe, I found the perfect companion to Fanny Tuna - I present Chinese cock sauce. Sprinkling fanny tuna with cock sauce actually makes for a rather horrid dish. But it's well suited for dating situations where the object of desire just needs a subtle reminder of what could be. Once you've put the things on the table there's no running away. Anonymous as always - Anonymous."

A really quite poor photo of a SUNRISE AA

Honestly, do we really need to see so much of the table? We're not so desperate for content we're about to start a series of updates entitled "The Surfaces of Reader's Tables."



"You've probably seen this before, but I can't be arsed searching the archives for the utterly unremarkable Sunrise Alkaline AA battery. One of my workmates found it in his bike light, and immediately thought of adding to the sum of happiness by sharing it with everyone via your good selves. The picture was taken by phone, sorry if it's shit. Nice graininess on table I thought. No interesting story, funny comment or oriental pr0n to go with it, just a crappy photo of a dull battery and no norks. A bit rubbish - I should probably be banned from visiting Idiot Toys ever again or something. I bet Sponge Finge has two of them tho... Cheers, Chris."

Gadgets with FACES #34: Mario Kart Wii's useless plastic wheel thing

The reason for Wii's success revealed - putting little faces onto things so people subconsciously empathise with it and want to press it into their groins.



"It's not as good as the recent tuk-tuk/van-thing face, I grant you, but I find the pained, yet leering expression reminiscent of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. You know, the skeleton fella - Chris."

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeeeek

Three cheers for Quantum Search & Selection, which is showing a superb awareness of perspective with this one, plus it also knows the importance of putting the most presentable woman in the company at the front of the shot.



The haircut says 'crazy Dutch lesbian' but the engagement and wedding rings would suggest otherwise.

"What happened to all my toner?"

"I put a new cartridge in over the weekend. It can't have run out by now, surely?"



"Oh."



What you're SUPPOSED to do, is look at them on the camera first. Then you can delete the ones you don't like before even copying them to PC. Printing them out THEN deciding is simply a waste.



That thing had better not be allowed within six feet of the computer.

Gadgets with FACES #32: An Epson printer of some sort

"MY CHILDREN! IT'S EATING MY CHILDREN!"



Or it might be spitting them out. Or giving birth. It's an extremely gruesome scene, regardless.

Gadgets with FACES #31: The Bowers & Wilkins Zeppelin

From a man who would appear to be called "possession."



Not sure what it is or does. And frankly, if something's not immediately obvious these days it's not going to get bothered with at all.

The AMAZING Australian IT industry calendar

Yes, it really is worthy of capital letters. It's a calendar that encourages Australian women to get involved in the IT industry. It does this by dressing up existing IT-employed ladies all pretty. Or, at least, as close as any of them can get to pretty.



"Australia is currently in the depths of an ICT skills shortage and this is how we are addressing it."



"Featuring twelve 'women from industry', the Screen Goddesses calendar aims to promote ICT as a career of choice for high school girls. This is achieved through movie themed shoots that cover popular films such as Miss Congeniality, Thelma and Louise and, as pictured, Basic Instinct."



"I have eleven more of these, each more disturbing than the next. Notable highlights include a clearly autistic Trinity and a plumper for Ms. September."



"In summary, the entire calendar can be summed up as 'three woulds' - John."



Terrifying. Sorry. Hope you're not eating a sausage sandwich while reading this.

The world's fishiest finger

It belongs to one of these two disgustingly enthusiastic ladies.



It is apparently the world's biggest fish finger. Bird's Eye will be launching it under the brand name "Whale's Cock" this autumn.

'Heroin chic' look reaches Korea

A brave step forward for Samsung, which has allowed young model Sin-Yoo Tan (right) to appear in the fashionably dishevelled and dead-eyed look often favoured by supermodels.



The uncropped original photo shows bruised shins and reveals that she is only wearing one shoe.

SUBMITTER DANIELE'S COMEDY ANGLE:
"Samsung should be disqualified for 'excessive attractiveness gap among female models'".

MaxEnergy! Perfo! Uniross!

Yes, a Uniross. But a Uniross in astonishing British Racing Green, the likes of which we have NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Photos taken by a man who must be a maths teacher.



"Here are some pictures, sadly without my reflection or pictures of my home. The dramatically coloured MaxEnergy (nice use of camel case) in the back of one of those ergonomically-challenged Telewest remotes."



"The giant perfo shot is from my Ixus 50D. That may be important I guess..."



"And the ever-reliable Uniross rechargable. I added it cos' it's my fav battery ever and I don't think you've ever pictured it. Right, now I need gadgets with faces... Matthew."

The Dell nuclear/terrorism warning notice

During periods of great boredom, one thing that's always fun to do is to spec up a PC on the Dell web site, then proceed with the order until you get to the following screen:



Too scared to actually go through with submitting a "yes" answer. Has anyone 'followed through' properly?

OLD CALCULATORS: Two blinding examples from America

Obviously there was an error in the voting software. 'Old Calculators' is the official new Idiot Toys 'Thing'. So get them out for the lads.

Although, sadly, the series would appear to have peaked with update #1.



"Hello My Animal Crossing replacement site. You mentioned you wanted some feedback on what to cover. You mentioned old calculators were a possibility. I thought I'd try and get some momentum for the calculator camp by sending in these two beauties from my private reserve of old calculators."



"The first is the Sharp Compet CS-1109A from 1976 (Japanese release - US release was '77, European release unknown)."



"It is mains-powered only and comes complete with its original dust cover."



"It would be classed as a second-generation digital calculator, and was considered rather small for its day. As with much of the Compet series, it stands as a bit of a white elephant as weeks after its release proper pocket calculators started hitting the streets."



"Sharp still found a market for a desktop device however, and trickled out somewhere between 15 and 30 Compet products (it is unknown if devices such as the CS1152D carried the Compet moniker, though given Sharp's progressive system of numbering, it seems likely.)



"The Compet range evolved into a printer-class in the end, because if you're going to have a massive calculator on your desk, it might was well print stuff I guess."




"Next up is an Olivetti Underwood Electric Adding Machine Mk1."



"This is a super-rare Argentinian-manufactured version, and dates from 1967.



"It works like a charm to this day, though for the fife of me, fathoming how a thing full of cogs can tell you the answers to complex sums is beyond me."



"This model's innards were the basis of all Olivetti's adding machines, though bits were added in some later models. The exact insides remained while the outside saw a series of facelifts in the late sixties and early seventies."



[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mention possibility of "Old Calculators With Faces" as possible new feature going forward, although suspect it may be too niche]



"Have a look at the included ads and you'll see that this was touted as a legitimate portable piece of hardware back when it was launched. (The ads are from 1968.)"



"So, in lieu of reading My Animal Crossing, the best site to be RECKLESSLY ABANDONED on all the Internets, I try to push you in the direction of old calculators."



"They are indeed, full of win - StfnWltrz."

New record knee use!

Congratulations to Soo Yun-Wat! She smashed through the pain barrier to remain on her knee, on hard laminate flooring, for a staggering 3 hours and 27 minutes.



Her left leg was subsequently amputated at the thigh.

Through snow. Over ice. Up or down hills. There is no escape from BIG DOG

The video's already had five million views, so no doubt at least half of you have watched this eight times already. But we can't ignore a whining robot dog, especially the bit when a man kicks it so see if it falls over.



Not quite as good as Carol Vorderman spelling out MILF, but nearly.

Gadgets with FACES #30: TAPS SPECIAL!

Photographs of two taps have arrived within the space of a week, both purporting to contain visible faces of some sort. You have to respect people that risk a beating by getting a camera out in a public toilet, so we have decided taps count as a gadget.



"Here is a gadget with not only a face, but a full body that I managed to capture mid-urination. Just look at the embarrassment on it's little face - willy1ka."



"Do taps count as gadgets? Starbucks toilets in the City Of London, just looking at me - Ruffley."



Taps count. We make the fucking rules here, and we say TAPS COUNT. We might be stepping on Dave Gorman's toes, but who cares? He's got book and telly royalties to keep him happy.

Respect run so dry?

Then you need a divorce! Yours from only £65, if she's as fed up with you spending all night on the internet as you are with her and her stupid fucking university friends*.



That's the sort of cold, distant, uncaring and disinterested look women always have when in our presence.



That's because we are divorced from reality. Getting divorced from reality is free - just spend 15 years on the internet and your certificate will come in the post automatically.

*Opening paragraph not based on actual Idiot relationship status.

Incredible new internet phenomenon: BATTERY STACKING!

From the site that gave you the hilarious LOLTUB comes the latest craze that's set to SWEEP THE WEB - battery stacking! How many batteries can YOU stack?!



"Somewhat dispirited that my previous email about my ancient Grundig 'Tele Pilot' did not make it to your column instantly (which it did shortly after), I took to stacking AA batteries... After piling up five, I felt much better."



"Also, I do not think the American CVS batteries have ever been on Idiottoys.com. Another case of subtly sponging on Duracell's golden looks and 'long-life' image."



"I kindly dare the Idiot Toys readers to see how high they can go. I think seven AAs could be done rather easily. Beyond that, who knows? No glue or trickery, of course, ladies (?) and gentlemen. Stackering regards, Matt."