Gadgets with FACES and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

THING CLASH! THING CLASH! Thanks, as ever, to Sony Ericsson for blowing the budget on photos no one apart from us ever uses. Although perhaps this set might feature on the front cover of Future Publishing's 'Total Car Mobile Stand Magazine'.



THE BACKSTORY: The man is happy to see the woman coming back. The woman is happy to see the man waiting for her. The car dashboard is smiling because it knows the man will be touching its gear stick/penis very soon.



The relationship has soured. The man is angry. The woman feels her window cleaning advice is being ignored. The car dashboard, however, is happy, because it knows the man will be touching its gear stick/penis as soon as he's finished cleaning the window.



Car dashboards have the BEST faces.

Gadgets with FACES #44: The SONIC IMPACT 5020 I-P9 PORTABLE IPOD(R) SPEAKERS (PINK)

Too much money for a rubbish thing for idiots.



Gay robot bear. Mouth too small to even do gay stuff properly. Literally useless. Sent in by "James" who we can only assume was doing some trouserless gay robot bear internet cruising.

MOTOROLA ARCHIVE: Sad woman buys chocolate for self

Three bars of chocolate and a packet of crisps, in fact. In her head, this is what Carrie from Sex and the City probably does on Friday nights too, occasionally, so it's OK. But staring at them isn't going to reduce their calorific value, love.



It's a sign. If you're behind her in the queue, just ask. She will. Anything. In the car park RIGHT NOW. She has nothing better to do than cry and eat sweets, after all. You'd be a lifesaver!

Who bought an LCD TV in 2003?

How's that £5000 investment panning out for you? Is the one SCART socket still coping? And what the hell was Daewoo playing at thinking people would pay £3300 for one of its tellies?



This was the gadgets page of Jack magazine from early 2003. Imagine how much you would hate your TV had it cost you £5000 in 2003. You wouldn't be able to look at it.

Let's all go to the Samsung party

Looks great. Really crazy.



It's all kicking off on their respective Facebook pages.

Gadgets with FACES #43: An £18 Woolworths vacuum cleaner

WARNING: Too many photos were taken during the production of this update.



"My vacuum broke a couple of days ago so I went to Woolworths today to pick up a new one from their 'Worth It exclamation mark' range."



"Suffice to say, it was the worst hoover I've ever used with very little suction power and had a body with weaker plastic than a kinder egg capsule."



"Despite this, it had multiple faces so I was quite pleased as the main one was a cheery fella."



"I thought I'd add some images to your collection (I apologise for the quality and the state of my carpet - the hoover couldn't pick up anything)."



"The cat is looking particularly pleased as he had just pissed up the wall.



"Rather than try to come up with witty remarks about the images, I'll just provide images of the cleaner on its own and with random crap (and a cat) which I found lying around for size comparison."



"Product link if interested - Julian."



Thanks, Julian. Thanks for being brave enough to show us your carpet.



That looks like a Star Trek tricorder.



You shouldn't scrimp on costs when it comes to biscuits, Julian. McVities really does know its stuff. And hydrogenated vegetable fat is probably just a fuss that will blow over and soon not be linked with heart diseases.



Two things we like in one photo! See? It was worth scrolling down this far.



Sorry about all this. We just felt it was important to use all of his photographs. It's not often someone goes to such lengths.

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeek moooonth yeeeaaaarr

It's a woman demonstrating how a female urinal works. It is, frankly, one of the biggest missed opportunities in the entire history of promotional photography.



She is having fun. From here. Sent in by a man called "Abid" who was presumably rather disappointed to have his piss-porn browsing session interrupted by a boring old gadget site.

The lowest-resolution photograph in the history of the internet

We clicked on the small version all excited! But there was no bigger version :(



It is a 1160 byte 45x32 GIF. If anyone recognises this person/gadget, please email in with a model name and serial number. It could be the best face ever. We found it on some Korean gadget site but have already forgotten which one, if that helps.

The (deep breath) Maria Sharapova Sony Ericsson fashion collection AND video showcase!

Maria Sharapova has guzzled down the Sony Ericsson pound. Right down. She'll be burping it up all day tomorrow. God bless her.



She has made - or at least looked at and approved - some mobile phone accessories bearing her name.



They are for sporty girls.



They are for girls who go to and live in nice places where you don't get your stuff stolen off you if it's left casually dangling down to your side attached by only a flimsy strap.



This is the first time we have ever done an update that has a costume change midway through.



Surely it'd be easier to just hold it in your hand?



They are for girls who, through some odd genetic programming and unfathomable herd mentality, think Sex and the City is viable entertainment.



Christmas cracker sunglasses.



The Maria Sharapova collection is also great with formal evening and party wear!



WINNER.



She chose a good time to cash in. Tennis perverts prefer young 20-year-old Serbian hottie Ana Ivanovic these days. Maria, at age 21 and already worryingly leathery-faced, is past it.



They also did some video interviews with Maria!



Here, Maria tells us about her inspiration.




Fascinating.



This one's called "Travel & Party."



And this is "Courtyard & Exercise" which makes them sound little better than livestock. Their words, not ours.

AND FINALLY...

Sony Ericsson serves up game, set and match with Maria Sharapova Design Collection

19 June 2008 London , UK - 19 June 2008 - Days before 'The Championships' at Wimbledon, Maria Sharapova served up an ace on the catwalk with the unveiling of the Sony Ericsson Maria Sharapova Design Collection.

Starting the tennis season with a dash of glamour and style, the collection was unveiled by Sony Ericsson and one of the world's most famous tennis players, Maria Sharapova, to a select audience of international lifestyle journalists flown into London for the special occasion.

Maria Sharapova is Sony Ericsson's first global brand ambassador. The four year agreement was sealed in January 2008 and the Maria Sharapova Design Collection is the first design collaboration campaign to be announced.

"Working on this collection was an opportunity that I could not turn down," said Maria Sharapova at the unveiling. "Sony Ericsson helped me create a collection of mobile phone accessories that I know people will use. And I wanted to add my touch to each item. People want style, fashion and glamour, and with this collection I know that they'll have it.

I am looking forward to using the collection with my Sony Ericsson T303 which is equally as stylish and great to listen to music on when I exercise and when I like to relax after a match."

Some of London's up and coming faces on the catwalk modelled the season's fashion look by young urban designers to compliment the Maria Sharapova Design Collection. Louise Roe, stylist and fashion expert, hosted the show and presented the Sony Ericsson mobile phone accessories to leading lifestyle media writers from around the world. The Maria Sharapova Design Collection consists of the IDC-31 Courtside Case, the compact IDC-32 Exercise Case, the IDC-33 Party Bag and the IDC-34 Travel Wallet. The Design Collection is inspired by Maria Sharapova's own global lifestyle, and the latest fashion trends.

Speaking at the fashion show, Sony Ericsson Designer Lykke Tarsbol said: "It was a pleasure working with Maria on the design of this collection. We wanted to create a collection that represented her life on and off the court. We worked closely to ensure that every item was designed with her and for her."

As a leading personality not just on the tennis court, but also in the world of style and fashion, Maria Sharapova brought to the project a wealth of fashion knowledge and glamour, by working closely with Sony Ericsson's design team to create an aspirational collection of accessories.

The Maria Sharapova Design Collection will be available in all markets in Q3.

AAA battery delivery service

They don't need a van this big.



"I think it's the only time ever when I wished I had a proper camera with a proper zoom. These guys rock. Not only are they obviously committed to customer service, but they're real dedicated to the AAA format - not dabbling with AA, PP9 or rubbish button batteries - Franck."

LG Secret "porn" advert

This is an entry in our occasional series entitled "Things That Have Already Been Posted In The Comments Section But You May Have Missed"



It even has a joke at the end. A fantastic production.

The "triple bypass" handshake

Handy if you have to appear to shake hands, but don't actually want to do it.



It's not a legally binding shake. They could leave him without his 110,000 bluetooth headsets and he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.

LG Xpion man reflection HORROR

This photo starts well. Very well. The top-half is world class, in fact. You won't see a better top-half this year, we're prepared to wager.



The trouble is, the eye is trained to read from the top-down. So you don't notice the horror until it's too late to stop yourself getting mildly aroused...



It's a reflection of a MAN! A man made distorted and ugly by the non-uniform plastic. This is the single biggest error possible to make in a publicity photo. It wouldn't surprise us to see LG banished from international competition for the maximum-possible four years after this heinous event.



Trying to make amends here by correctly angling the units, but it's too late. The damage is done. So we guess LG will be leaving.

Object of unknown function or origin

Definitely want one, though, even if it's just a fancy CD rack.



Want a black one and a white one, then, in a year, we'll even upgrade to the new silver one with twice as much stuff that costs a bit less. Good job, lovely lady!

Gadgets with FACES #42: A complimentary 3M tape dispenser

It's Bilal again! The man who put all the effort into that one about the alarm with numerous faces. He's done it again. Bilal's ace. He definitely should get a blog of his own, then we'd be submitting things to him hoping to get noticed. This relationship is upside-down. The trousers we're wearing right now have Bilal's name written on the label.

He even did a video involving (a) props, (b) editing and (c) sound effects. This is the Idiot Toys update of the year, even though it's by someone else and only June :(

THE OPENING PREAMBLE:
"The lovely people at 3M (or maybe Office Depot or even Viking Direct) decided to give away a tape gun thing when you buy a multipack of brown tape off them. Not only is the tape gun actually functional, it also looks very much like a dinosaur. Understandably, this email could be misconstrued as a lame attempt at riding on the wave of the rather wonderful torrent of Dreamcast rumble pack dinosaur pictures featured a little while back, but who knows?"

"And who cares? A bunch of twats, that's who. Besides, the similarities are clear for all to behold. Anyway, on to the pictures:"



"The top head bit is chopped off, but that only serves to emphasise the positively MONSTROUS proportions afforded by holding the camera really close to the object you're trying to photograph. Look at all those teeth! He's currently nameless by the way, so any contributions are welcome. The background is the paper insert from Sega Superstars Tennis on the PS3. Also, I think that's my left sideburn reflected in the glass."



"What's this? A ladyfriend? Wow, isn't she sexy? Notice how the bow helps to accentuate her already innumerable feminine features. Her past is rather cloudy, save for a few tales of sordid and violently adhesive sexual encounters with staplers and the other unsavoury characters that frequent the stationary drawer. I've decided to call her Wouldn't."



"Aren't they a lovely couple? We all knew he wouldn't be able to resist for long, but what will he do when he inevitably discovers her deep, dark, not-so-secret secrets? I can't bear to imagine... Oh, and after much deliberation, White Hand/Brown Hand shall now be a recurring theme (where humanly possible), so keep an eye out."



"And as a special bonus, here's a video of our as-yet unnamed beast strutting his stuff. The video was actually made specially for Idiot Toys and all the gits who read it, although I'm starting to wonder whether or not that was a good idea, unless you've figured out how to embed videos properly by now - Bilal."

Sanyo puts woman in PROJECTOR CELL again

We have featured Sanyo's bleak and horrific Projector Demonstration Cell before. Here it is again. We have cropped out the array of blood-stained medical equipment that was visible on the floor.



Same suit, different woman. The last one was carelessly allowed to die.

Terrible "pretend use"

Awful work. You can't grin AND be talking on the telephone. Seeing poor displaymanship like this really brings home how good the top-tier professionals are.



He can't see the screen from that angle, either. And he looks like either a Romulan or a Gerry Anderson production. 1/10.

WATERPROOF PHONE ALERT! WATERPROOF PHONE ALERT!

YES! Fujitsu is still churning out the upgrades to its line of waterproof phones. This can - and does! - only mean one thing.



Blessed release. Akihabara News has almost literally ONE MILLION PHOTOS of the event. Good work, gentlemen. You have earned a link on the sidebar, and we haven't cropped out your logo as a mark of respect.



The photographer wisely focused his attentions on this one. She has a "porn mouth."

SEGA Toys "sex robot" in ACTION

The SEGA Toys EMA My First Internet Girlfriend robot does kissing for no extra charge.



"She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend," said SEGA Toys spokeswoman Minako Sakanoue.



She has a pleasingly large chest. Although her hands appear too small to be of any practical use.

Sony Ericsson F305 "gaming phone" - and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

Sony Ericsson has come up with the goods. Some awesome goods. Goods you thought they stopped making several years ago. Goods previously presumed extinct.



"Do a face like you're actually playing it."



Here, they have again illustrated "realism" by using using a photo of the game "coming to life." Poor Sony Ericsson is floundering and creatively bankrupt.



The F305 has a motion detector in it. People like these, as it makes games more fun, apparently, when you can't really control what's happening on screen.



WINNER: Least Realistic Scenario 2008.



WINNER: Largest Mockery 2008.



Yes. That's the face we all do when trudging through level six of some shite mobile phone game, isn't it?

POSSIBLE NEXT NEW PHONE: Samsung F480

Again, this is a classic case of photography selling the product. If that was a man's arm protruding from an Egyptian cotton sheet it wouldn't get a second look.



She is also having fun with it. That's the best "genuine smile" we've seen for a long time. It's like she's just successfully managed to check her POP3 email for the first time, or made a movie clip play, or worked out where it saves the photos.

Gadgets with FACES #41: A Hookah charcoal heater

It is a charcoal heater. From here. And to think, all this time we've been leaving our charcoal outside in the cold.



"A Hookah. No, not a hooker. When did you ever look at the face of a hooker? Bless it, looks quite unconcerned with all the health risks you'll be taking. Luv from NMN."



No wonder it looks so worried in the top pic - it knew a poke in the eye was on the way.

Korean graphs with faces

Or it might be some tits.



Can anyone recommend a doctor?

Business Council of Business meets

The Korean Business Council of Business met on Friday, to discuss business. The first business on the agenda was to set out how to discuss the business of the day.



From the smallest one-man organic vegetable trader to the largest automobile manufacturer - all are represented at this annual convention.

BANNED:

Doodling

Sighing

Mobile phones

Rubbing genitals through pocket

ALLOWED:

Quietly counting the ceiling tiles

Thinking about sex

Imagining standing up and shouting

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeek

You know you're getting old when those weird asexual goth kids off the internet are old enough to drive.



Don't laugh. Those are the keys to your girlfriend. She's always wanted to try sex with someone who knows about the new types of music.

"House of Phones" record attempt - level three reached!

Just the top layer to go now! One more careful placement and she'll be immortalised in the hall of...



Oh. Oh dear. Never mind. At least she's still able to smile about it.

Canon EOS 1000D - and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

Welcome back, lifestyle photography. It's been a while. How we have missed your unconvincing smiles, your perfect lighting and your highly aspirational situations and scenarios involving lovely ladies that look like they're out of magazines.



The images were supplied as 10MB JPEGs at 5412x7800 resolution. We have resized them and re-saved them at image quality eight to slightly reduce the file size to a more manageable level befitting of the internet.



The pictures are SO REAL the subjects can come to life and walk out of them! Canon is breaking down the "fourth wall" of product photography here.



SUGGESTED USE: "Capturing the vibrancy on a street, or once-in-a-lifetime holiday shots, is made easy by the camera's ability to shoot at up to 3 frames per second. Plus, for shots of kids or friends at a party, the wide area auto focus system has 7 separate points to capture their most active moments."



The pictures had a disclaimer attached. Here, you see the original and full explanation of our beloved technical industry term "EMEA". It stands for Europe, Middle East and Africa. We shouldn't really give trade secrets like this away on the internet.

"House of Phones" record attempt - level two reached

A steady hand, a keen eye and a natural sense of how things balance on top of other things. She's cruised to level two and made it look easy!



If we had to make a criticism, that pink one top-central looks a little off balance. She'll have to compensate for that on the next level. Updates coming all week. Stay tuned.

Gadgets with FACES #44: The back of a speaker

Not a particularly good face, but it does have a bit of Homer Simpson about it. Plus the photo was taken specifically for us in a "gonzo" style out in the field, so we sort of have to use it out of respect for the brave reporter.



"Here is a vaguely racist speaker I saw last night. I'd imagine that you can't use it because it probably violates Shiny Media's terms of service or something. It looks like a black and white minstrel :( Regards, Alex."



"PS: Sorry about the poor quality photos, drunk people kept walking into me. The camera was an Olympus u760."

"House of Phones" record attempt - level one complete

Brave Lin-don Jan set herself the ultimate challenge - to build a 'house of cards' using only flip-out mobile phones. We are happy to report that the foundations have been laid!



Another six phones and she'll be done. We'll update you on her progress all week.

"Giant woman holding things and doing tricks with ping pong balls"

Sent in by "Joe" who only supplied the above headline by way of analysis and explanation.



Which one do you want sticking up your arse? The square one is £40 to do, while the round one is a more expensive £70 due to safety concerns and the specialist equipment required to get it out after.

The Toshiba GIGAFRAME Q80

Never before has there been such a gulf between exciting product name (GIGAFRAME! Q80!) and the sad reality (digital photo frame).



It is an 8" LCD with "polished black lacquer finish" and 128MB of memories. Imagine how sad all your cherished memories would look displayed on its miserable screen.

*Jingle* Promotional image of the Weeeeek

It's a man in his shed. He is illustrating the fact that men like to spend a lot of time in the shed nowadays, preferably behind the security of a locked door, thanks to the rise in popularity of TV programmes like Sex and The City and anything with Graeme Norton in.



SHED-BASED PRESS RELEASE!

FATHERS IN SHED LOAD OF RISK

Pottering among the paint pots and tired old tools in the ramshackle shed has long been dad's escape route, but with many fathers now seeing the shed as a second living room the value of its contents have mushroomed.

The Great British garden shed is just as likely to house a laptop and iPod as a ladder or weed killer and Swinton is advising fathers not to lead insurers up the garden path when it comes to the value of expensive items kept in the shed.

Bikes, sprinkler systems, electric hedge clippers, cordless drills, strimmers, jet hoses, summer lights, gas BBQ's, digital radios and even laptops, iPods and TVs have become everyday items housed in the shed.
A poll by the leading high street insurance retailer, Swinton, has revealed that the value of the average garden shed has trebled in the last ten years as a direct result of wireless internet and the growing trend for smart push bikes as more dads dabble with the carless commute to work.

From the 2,000 males surveyed*, 30% of them estimated the like-for-like cost of replacing the contents of their garden shed to be over £700, 37% at over £500, 22% at over £1,000 and 6% over £1,500. Only 5% valued the contents at less than £500.

Chris Collings Insurer Development Director at Swinton said: "Sheds full of top notch gear are a goldmine for thieves so it's important to keep them secure and locked up. Car boot sales are full of stolen bikes and fly mowers. If you leave your shed unlocked then you might not be covered by your home contents policy so it pays to keep your items under lock and key. It's also worth keeping receipts as proof of purchase."

Swinton's top tips to keeping your garden safe:

• Lock away all tools and equipment and ensure your shed is securely locked when not in use - cover windows with wire mesh on the inside.
• Use plant protection such as thorny shrubs on border fencing
• Use trellis fencing as a noisy and irksome deterrent to climbing and consider anti-climb paint for drains pipes and wall tops
• Install security lighting which comes on automatically
• Extend your burglar alarm to cover outbuildings and sheds
• Mark expensive items such as lawnmowers and bikes with your postcode
• Check home contents insurance smallprint to see if it covers the contents of your garden and garden shed or summer house
• Join your Neighbourhood watch scheme
• Consider bringing the most expensive items into the house when you go on holiday.

- ENDS -

The 3G iPhone then

Only a company like Apple could make the introduction of four-year-old technology into a year-old phone sound like HEADLINE NEWS and a thing for its idiot fans to get excited about. At least it's now only £100 for the 8GB model plus £30 a month.

That is almost but STILL NOT worth it.



The Idiot Toys portable telephone is 3G. It only gets used for sending three text messages a month and, obviously, seeing what the time is when "on the go" (ie, when in bed). We have testicle-crushing machines that get more use than 3G services.



For sushi-eating, Apple-loving COCKS.

The Xpressar SUPERHERO!

PC cooling system company Xpressar has, quite rightly, decided it needs to "sex up" its image a little. So it has created a strong female role model to highlight the fact that knowing about PC internal cooling systems isn't just the pursuit of males who work in the IT world and have only ever touched a girl's hand when having their change handed back to them by the till operative in ASDA.



PC cooling systems are also for hot samurai warrior chicks.

Samsung Vluu debuts "The Karate Chop"

A versatile display technique that fuses Eastern mysticism with Western directness.



Chop to the right.



Chop to the left. It's as versatile as it is straightforward. Hand could also be used as a drink stand. She wouldn't flinch if you put a piping hot cup of tea on there.

"The Hawaii Chair"

An entry in our occasional series entitled "Things You've probably Already Been Emailed 100 Times Already."



It would certainly liven up those three-hour wanking sessions.

Static, non-powered objects with faces #3: A man's sister's bag

Robot bag eats keys and loose change.



"Spotted my sister's bag looking very pleased with itself at the weekend. Does this count? Great site. Please don't print my name. Yadda yadda - XXXX XXXXXX."

Please do not ask the models any questions

It's OK to attempt small talk about how long she's been a model and where she lives, but pleaase refrain from asking them about technical specifications. It's doubtful they even know it's from a computer.



The one on the right looks worried. It's because she can see a man approaching. A man who looks like he has a question about CPU socket compatibility.

Gadgets with FACES #40: The Newman COOL MAN

It's an MP3 player with red hair, a very well defined mouth and extremely fashionable futuristic sunglasses.



A winning smile!



Here he is doing a bit of surfing in the "lifestyle" shoot.

OLD CALCULATOR: Commodore 796M from 1976

Old Calculators is an even slower-boiling feature than Reader's Remotes. But the rewards are worth the wait.



"Hello again. I thought you might like this particular calculator as it's made by Commodore and is therefore absolutely brilliant. I only wish it was possible to play Buggy Boy on it."



"The calculator is a model 796M and was made in Stockton, England in 1976. As you can see it has a nice red LED display and according to the instruction manual contains a 'revolution in computer technology, a component called a silicon 'chip'....' It must have been like visiting the moon on rocket boots when such amazing machines as this were pioneered."



"Second up, I found this stunning pair of 'RAPID's which you may or may not have already had, but I haven't seen them on here. They were found in a little handheld fan that someone gave me at Christmas, and by their performance I can state with absolute conviction that RAPID refers less to the speed with which it will make the fan blades revolve, and much more to the speed with which they will cease to power anything at all."



"I thought they looked nice next to a little budda thing we have on our windowsill, make your own assumptions about why the calculator is balanced on the coffee machine, and I didn't include any pictures of my pointy thumbs or my fucking fridge handles for you tossers to mock - The Rat."

"Sensible shoes" see Asus eliminated in first round

Nice hair, lovely blouse, pleasing hold with a full side-on connector array visible that really gives the viewer a great technical insight into the device, firm body, relatively shapely and non-bruised legs...



But she's blown it with sensible shoes! Six-inch heels made of transparent plastic are the only way to go.

The many colours of... CAMELION

Turns out there are more kinds of battery in the world than we previously thought. Over to semi-regular battery photograph contributor "Lee" for a technical battery lighting masterclass.



"I promised I'd be more creative if I ever bought a second flashgun. That day has arrived. Please find attached a Camelion battery. It's either misspelled or foreign. Bad either way. A version has been featured before but I've lit up the background in glorious colour. Note how grubby the actual battery is. Most odd, considering it was fresh from its shrink-wrap.

"You may be interested to know that I'm keeping a collection of these battery shots on my website (www.leepullen.co.uk). A cheap plug on your site would be great, and surely a price worth paying for colour backgrounds. Thanks. Lee."

Call centre staff made to smile

"Smile at 11.46am or be sacked."



"And take those Star Wars toys off your desk, Steve. You're thirty-fucking-seven."

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeeek

Hot on the heels of Lappygate comes another sensational PR coup from Asus! Always good to see a branded lady, plus they would appear to be role-playing "going on a picnic."



They are celebrating the existence of the Eee 901 and 1000. In lieu of our free Eee PC that never arrived, we'll make do with 40 minutes with the one on the left who we could squint and pretend was Aleks Krotoski.

SanDisk pSSD solid-state hard drives

Awesome. We are now on the SanDisk mailing list! If we keep doing boring stories about their new products, perhaps, in a few months, we'll be able to politely request a few 8GB memory cards and USB sticks for "review" purposes.

There's also a face at the top.



They come in 4, 8 and 16GB varieties, have read speeds of 39MB/s and write speeds of 17MB/s. One more workmanlike update like this and we'll be signing for a delivery of highly eBay-able SanDisk products!

"The S500i Flowers is the phone for any fashionista who wants to have the season's freshest look"

What Sony Ericsson means is, it's put some pretty flowers on a phone and released it at the same time as Sex and the City.



We'll have a look out for promotional images. There really ought to be some good ones to accompany a press release this MENTAL:

Sony Ericsson 'S500i Flowers' are in Bloom

Sony Ericsson brings the fashion of the catwalk to the palm of your hand, with the limited edition S500i Flowers handset, available exclusively from The Carphone Warehouse stores from 3rd June 2008.

The S500i Flowers is the phone for any fashionista who wants to have the season's freshest look. Covered in delicate flowers, the new edition from Sony Ericsson is the perfect accessory to compliment the trend of the moment – florals! This season saw the catwalk coming up roses, tulips and even daisies!

What's more, with each purchase exclusively at The Carphone Warehouse, you can expect to receive a selection of limited edition Jemma Kidd Make Up School goodies for nails and eyes worth £16

The handset isn't all about beauty though – it's got the brains to match. With the built-in 2.0 megapixel camera you can make sure you never miss a fashion moment. The digital 4x zoom and screen viewfinder makes capturing memories nice and easy, plus with simple access to the internet you can share your style tips with friends instantly. In just a few steps you can conveniently browse the web wherever you are, or keep up to date with all the latest fashion blogs with office features including email, and picture blogging.

As well as capturing the latest look you can also capture the latest sound. PlayNow allows you to download the hottest new tracks and ringtones in just three clicks, meaning your playlist can be as 'fresh' as your look.

Jemma Kidd, founder of Jemma Kidd Make Up Schools says:

"I'm thrilled to be working with Sony Ericsson as they recognise that fashion and technology are becoming intertwined. I take my mobile everywhere I go and the S500i Flowers is the 'must have' accessory for any summer wardrobe"

With the Sony Ericsson S500i Flowers handset, not only will your shoes match your bag, but you can co-ordinate your phone too!

WINNER - Best outdoor shoot, 2008

The decision of the judges is in. The winner of Best Outdoor Shoot of 2008 is...



Sigma! It's series of poolside shots show dazzling colour, vibrant backgrounds and a exhibit a generally joyous feel. You can almost smell the chlorine and Piz Buin!



But wait... what's this? What in GOD'S NAME... it's a fraud! The whole thing was a SHAM! We've all been tricked! This is an OUTRAGE! Sigma must never be allowed to display products in public again!

SKYNET UPDATE: Fully deployed WITHIN DAYS

Skynet is now complete. Slightly behind schedule thanks to the sterling work of Sarah Connor in 1984 and 1991, but still on the way.



Incredibly, the launch was postponed because "Software on the launch vehicle did not behave normally during a test sequence." It'll soon be in charge of all military communications. A robotic voice will soon be issuing the ultimate order.

The world's MOST AWESOME yet simultaneously LEAST FEATURED remote control!

Mind-bendingly amazing remote control. It's the single-celled amoeba of the remote world. How can something so simple exist?



"After viewing the excellent post about a remote control with only four functions I immediately felt compelled to inform you of the far superior offering from hi-fi company NAD that came with its entry level C300 amplifier."



"After significantly less than a month I snapped into action and took the attached photos. Having only three buttons and lacking even 'power' functionality, I confidently predict this is *the* least functional remote control ever. However, with marketing skills Sony would be proud of the spec sheet advertises 'The C300 is remote controlled for the most important functions: Volume and mute'."



"As seems traditional I have snapped the back and the batteries. You have no idea how difficult it is to make a corroded and swollen Omnipower battery stand up like this on cheap loop pile carpet. FYI the pics were taken on a 4 year old battered Sony (oops) DSC-P200 digital camera - some people seem to feel the need to share. Unfortunately I shorted the amps speaker outputs some 3 years ago and the unit has sat on my desk at work waiting to be repaired ever since. Shame. Dave."