A vast collection of Asus Eee PC LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY

About once a week we have to write something about Eee PCs over on that funny looking serious blog we amazingly get paid for doing stuff on. And we always end up using that boring old photo of the woman holding it.



BUT NOW WE HAVE MORE!!! A WHOLE ELEVEN MORE! All-new, gas mark eight Asian holding illustrations that will bring boring pieces about minor new Eee PC model revisions TO LIFE!



This is even better than LAPPYGATE.



Actually, no, it's not as good as LAPPYGATE. LAPPYGATE was a once-in-a-lifetime error of judgement on behalf of the UK PR team which is unlikely to ever be repeated, seeing as all people involved in LAPPYGATE have surely been sacked or sent off to safe desk jobs in Korea.



It's still quite OK, though. We can't complain about getting pictures like this in the email of a morning.



They have the exact same smile in every single photo.



Thanks to the work of Japanese smile trainer Yoki Sanshita.



FAVOURITE.



NEW FAVOURITE!



NEWER FAVOURITE!



It's not possible to keep up. Each one is exponentially more of a favourite than the last.



Photos sent in by Atiqul. He supplied his own captions, but we got all excited and wrote our own ones before scrolling down his email far enough to notice Atiqul's. Sorry about that. Here they are, so no one wasted any effort.

ATIQUIL'S ALTERNATE CAPTIONS:

(1st pic EEPC01)
It starts off with the girl slouching on the sofa, smiling at the screen and about to type something. Either she finds something hilarious or she's just happy looking at her notebook.

(2nd pic EEPC02)
Now she's really finding something amusing, and her hands aren't on the keyboard. Most likely she's watching a movie of some sort.

(3rd pic EEPC03)
She's inside someone's car not wearing a seatbelt. It goes to show you that she doesn't care about her personal safety, but more than content to use her notebook.

(4th pic EEPC04)
She's inside some director's office, probably watching the movie that she directed.

(5th pic EEPC05)
She's storing the laptop on a shelf. She's had enough already.

(6th pic EEPC06)
But wait! It's back on her lap, although she isn't looking at it. Perhaps it still needs to win her over.

(7th pic EEPC07)
Now she just wants it to get robbed.

(8th pic EEPC08)
She's now in bed with it! A risky thing to do if the power is running.

(9th pic EEPC09)
She seems to be very happy with it whilst using it on her bed. Make your own mind up about why.

(10th pic EEPC10)
She's on her living room floor, with her notebook on the hazardous (for notebooks) rug. She also prefers looking away from it and the magazine which could only mean trouble.

(11th pic EEPC11)
She's invited her friend over, and she’s done the exact same thing with her notebook. Although they both seem to find something appealing on her notebook.

Philips has a sizeable presence at IFA 2008

Which can only mean the chore of resizing yet more LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY, featuring TVs and extremely clean young people living in Barratt show homes.



They're having way too much fun for people that are watching a TV show about Japanese hairstyles. What's so funny about that?



And what's so funny about an old boat?



What's so fucking funny? It's just a dolphin.



Uh-oh. She found the CD you hid in the wardrobe. She thinks it's the wedding photos.



Ryan Giggs in space. That IS funny.



Here's one for arm/neck fetishists.



Terrible pretend running. He's clearly standing still. Embarrassing work here, Philips. You've just messed up big time on the world stage.



Redeemed.



The Philips Senso Latte machine. We can't help but imagine the Senso has, in fact, just urinated in that cup of coffee, and is sitting there, laughing to itself, waiting for her to drink it. Is that bad?



What a lovely party. They are discussing (a) the Sex & The City movie, (b) men, (c) pervasive yeast infections.



Good night, everybody!

Gadgets with FACES #68: A Ferrania Zeta Duplex

The poor thing's off its head on illegal prescription medication it had delivered from Mexico in a discreet, brown envelope. Brilliant face. Should definitely be filed in the "On Purpose" sub-category, mind - no way is this one an accident.



"Quite possibly the happiest camera ever. Maybe even the happiest, old, low tech gadget ever" - Clay.

Those "Miss IFA" photos in full

Go on, then. We cannot resist the lure of (a) promotional photography and (b) women standing in the vicinity of white goods while wearing inappropriate footwear.

This is Miss IFA, official mascot of the IFA. The Germans are doing some technologically marvellous work out there right now. You will forgive us if we don't caption each one individually. There are 32 of them and they're all of the same woman. It'd be a bit hard.









































Whoops, how did that get in here?



























Good. That's that taken care of. For a moment there we considered not doing all of them, and maybe not even doing ANY of them. We are glad we went for doing all of them, even if it does make the site a bit inaccessible to newcomers. Not that there are ever any newcomers.

It's been a long day.

Sony recommends having a wank in a field

While listening to music on one of its new WALKMEN.



That might well be the NWZ-S730, and those headphones may possibly be 13.5mm EX headphones that offer Noise Cancelling, DSEE, Clear Bass and Clear Stereo technologies, but it's very hard to keep up with this sort of thing.



And, as a special reward and because there's nothing worse than leaving a photo of a man having a wank at the top of the page overnight, here's one of a woman in red shoes. This is "Miss IFA," the official mascot of the aforementioned German trade show, posing with the "The elegant Classic Gourmet refrigerator by Bosch."

We have more. Lots more. If we finish rewriting press releases for other sites early enough, we might stick a few up later.

Sony finds a use for Blu-ray - measuring TV thicknesses

Sony found a use for a Blu-ray disc!



Hopefully, the new TV-thickness measuring standard will catch on, giving people a reason to rush out an buy Blu-ray discs. This could double Blu-ray's share of the retail movie market, taking it up to .02% by the year end.

AN EXPLANATION
That's Sony showing off its new BRAVIA ZX1, which is apparently the thinnest LCD TV in the world. There's also a German trade show on today. We have high hopes that some awesome promotional photography will emerge over the coming days.



Promotional photography like this. It's like we're actually there.

Gadgets with FACES #67: A fully erect water cooler

The photographer has augmented the water cooler by meddling with the cups. Hopefully he avoided disciplinary action. This could be considered sexual harassment in some places.



"Look at this cheeky little chappy! He's a water cooler where I work. The different coloured eyes are I think due to him winking suggestively whilst he proudly displays whatever that is hanging out the front. Notice how he has positioned himself next to the other drinks machines where people are lured to queue for hours filling endless trays with little plastic cups of coffee-substitute. I will admit that he doesn't look very happy.

"Oh, camera was a Panasonic DMC-TZ3 MEGA O.I.S 28mm WIDE stolen from a colleague's bag and hurriedly smuggled upstairs" - Morgan.

Canon HF10 FASHION IMAGES

Here is the "fashion" portion of the HF10 photoshoot. Fashion means t-shirts and skateboards. This will conclude today's emptying of the Canon UK promotional photo archive.



We think you will agree this is more like it.



Not only do attractive men get the pick of ladies in pubs and bars, they also have jobs in which they get to be near ladies and touch them. It really is not particularly fair. He probably takes being near a lady for granted. He probably hasn't even got an erection.



Thanks, Canon. You're doing a very good job. We have noticed and we do appreciate the effort and expenditure. May your products exceed their forecasts in whatever quarter they enter the retail channel. Yours lovingly, Idiot Toys.

Canon HF10 HD camcorder LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY

These photos are called "Freecording" as in free recording. As in, recording things in a radical fashion. No one else has used them. You are being very lucky today, especially if you're a homosexual man and you like them well dressed.



Even if the Canon HF10 goes on to be the best-selling piece of consumer electronics in history, beating even the Walkman and Game Boy, we doubt very much if it will ever be used in this scenario in the real world.



SUBTEXT: He has escaped THE SYSTEM and is now free, thanks, somehow, to the high-definition recording power of the Canon HF10!



Don't worry, we have one further Canon batch featuring a lady in a t-shirt to end the day on. No day is going to end with a close-up of an ironic man's groin while we're in charge around here.

Ill-advised use of man for Canon's EOS 50D LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY

Nobody used these photos, either. It's not so surprising.



We're only amateur photographers, but we find it helps if you look at what you're taking a picture of.



Unless he's on a beach, taking a photo of some ladies feet, and wants to pretend he isn't by looking the other way. Yes, that must be the scenario Canon is suggesting here.



Smile, you're about to be uploaded to someone's Mac and edited with iPhoto '08.

Nobody used the PIXMA MP630 "FASHION IMAGE" either

Again, we are shocked. Stunned that this moment of Canon promotional genius has not spread around the globe. We expected it to be beamed onto the Houses of Parliament, at the very least.

Never before has a simple press looked so good. Never before have we wanted to be a colour printer with a button for a cock.



If we weren't providing this thankless public service, photographs like this may never be seen. We ought to get extra benefits off the council for doing updates like this.

Nobody used the Canon Selphy ES3 LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY

What is it with all you USELESS gadget blogs out there on the internet? Canon emails out some 100% pure solid unadulterated photographic GOLD like this, and the only ones you can be bothered saving and resizing are the dull product shots?



These images were in zip files, though, which does add an extra layer of work to the process. It took an extra five seconds. We understand.



Also, you need a PC that's less than seven years old to handle a 5184 x 7776 image file.



But look! She's holding it and swinging it like it's a fucking HANDBAG. How can this photo not be on the front pages of all the newspapers today? It's FANTASTIC. Well done, Canon. We are proud to have bought one of your entry level cameras at a discount price several months ago, therefore funding this sort of work in a roundabout way.



Later today: THE MEN doing some fashionable FREE RUNNING while wearing IRONIC CLOTHES and FILMING THEMSELVES. You may want to skip the next 24 hours.

OLD CALCULATOR: The E.L.F. and its OLYMNIC battery

A man from inside China has risked CERTAIN DEATH by emailing us westerners and poking fun at Chinese ways. Thanks, Comrade Steve. Your brave sacrifice has brought several hundred men a few seconds of mild distraction.



"To celebrate the Olympics in China here is a themed calculator. it has 'double rower power' which I take it is to help the Chinese rowing team."



"I thought it best to turn this baby over, crack her open and see if there is anything battery related here. To my surprise 'Olymnic' batteries are poking out at me. Possibly to help with the Spelling Olympics, who knows?"



"Being in the land of the blocked BBC websites means a lack of sensible money. But to help with scale, I not only used a one yuan coin but a five mao coin. Generous."



"Oh, by the way writing this being stared at as a 'foreigner' and people asking under their breath "can he be so white" is surely worth being included on the blog? If not I'll send lots of photos of remote control sellers from markets here. That'll learn you. Yours, Steve."

*Jingle* Promotional image of the Weeeek

A Lamborghini shop opened up in Las Vegas. Not the best move given these troubled financial times, but still. It gave lots of old men a chance to stand around looking at women in swimwear, and, for once, no money had to change hands.



More here. The resolution maxes out at a pathetic 1280, so we respectfully suggest Jalopnik sends someone with a grown-up fucking camera out to product launches in future. Your laptop webcam really won't do.

A man's "fascinating and rare" battery finds

Not all fascinating, not all rare, but Josh here shows a fine eye for a battery photograph, so we'll upload his epic 'as is'.

OPENING PREAMBLE
"Last night I was digging through a box of random audio equipment and noticed some remotes, which turned out to contain some fascinating and rare batteries. Inspired, I took pictures of them. They're very large (3264x2448!) so I am going to send you links to them rather than attachments and you can retrieve them yourself."



"First up, a startlingly cheap bicycle headlight turned out to contain a pair of Excell AAs. They're nice and shiny, since this light has never been used on an actual bike."



"Second, a trio of Extra Energy AAs, looking very blue. They came installed in a light-up umbrella. No, really."



"Third, our old friend Golden Power, showing up packed in with a Korg Kaossilator."



"The Kaossilator is a depressingly trendy audio toy. The first picture is just the batteries, and the second includes the Korg itself. They were described on the box as 'test batteries'. I'm not sure what that implies."



"Fourth, the Gold Peak Greencell, which is, indeed, green. I forget what they were in. It was probably something embarrassing, so you can make something up if you'd like."



"Fifth, the astonishing New Titen. These came with a mostly low-quality device designed to allow you to hook your crappy old game console up to your shiny new computer monitor and thus save you the trouble of having to own both a monitor AND a television."



"It also saves you the trouble of playing games, since it doesn't really work very well. The New Titens appear to have started to corrode and were quickly thrown out after this photo shoot."



"Sixth, the Vinnic line returns. These were installed in a remote control for a tiny and very trendy audiophile-grade pre-amp. Note that while the remote has loads of buttons, the pre-amp itself has only a knob."



"The volume buttons control the knob (it's motorised!) and only the first two buttons on the keypad are functional. They switch between the two inputs on the pre-amp. (Actually, the third button controls a tape output, but really, who uses that kind of thing any more? I haven't touched an actual cassette in years.)In short, if you lose the remote, you're basically screwed."

"Vinnic batteries, if you recall, were previously involved in an embarrassing display of your willingness to encourage some fellow to dig through his girlfriend's things, dismantling her personal items."

"Note that the OLD Vinnics I have submitted are the original design, and are considered highly collectible in some segments of the battery market."



"Finally (FINALLY!) another example of the new-fangled Vinnic series, here paired with a remote control for a fan, which enables me to turn said fan on and off from across the room without requiring me to drag my massive carcass off the couch if ("IF," ha! WHEN) I start sweating."



"I hope you find these submissions fascinating and delightful. Please attempt to ignore my filthy floor. At least the filth is depicted in detailed high resolution" - Josh.

Gadgets with FACES #66: The Venmill Skip-Away Pro

We found this. No one sent it in. We did the groundwork personally, just like in the old days. It's the Venmill Skip-Away Pro, a disc repair machine that apparently has the power to magically recreate bits of plastic you've long since scraped off on your coffee table.



Slightly dog-like, reminiscent of a 14-year-old labrador that's gone extremely fat and jowly, and can barely lift its head up off the floor. It even has a little silvery beard. Poor thing. Dad ought to end its suffering with a shovel.



This is the official explanation of the the Skip-Away's facial features.



This is the TRUTH.

Hot tub promotional photographs

Hot tub promotional photographs! This time, with people in! Two of which are women! They are even wearing those small clothes women wear for going into water.



Three of which are men. One is going to be left out, or a very fortunate spectator.



We have a fairly good idea what this finger gesture symbolises, although no mention is made in the official press release.

As the summer fades and the nights draw in, why not extend your garden life with one of the latest hot tubs from Jacuzzi.

SKYLINE PROFILE HOT TUB

One of the most exciting additions to the Jacuzzi Hot Tub Collection is the Skyline Profile. This stylish, contemporary hot tub is the first tub designed for domestic installation featuring an infinity effect overflow and the deep immersion available gives the sensation of being in a far larger pool.

Designed to seat 5-6 persons comfortably, this innovative new hot tub features lounge seating, interior lighting and an "Insound" stereo with a hidden speaker system.

An aromatherapy dispenser adds yet another dimension to the hydrotherapy experience. Thirty one Jacuzzi PowerPro jets offer a range of massage experiences from a gentle and soothing massage to a deep muscle invigorating massage.

The hot tub has stylish stainless steel jet covers, white interior finishes and is available in White, Silver Pearl, Ocean Blue and Caribbean Blue.

Retail Price inc. VAT: £14,999

TWO NEW HOT TUBS JOIN THE JACUZZI J-200 COLLECTION

The new additions to the Jacuzzi J-200 Hot Tub Collection, the J-280CD and the J-270, offer a superior hydrotherapy experience with a mix of different types of jet to produce a variety of massage experiences and ergonomically designed seating for complete comfort.

J-280CD

With a Classic stereo system included as standard and seating for 6-7 persons, this is the ideal hot tub if you enjoy outdoor entertaining. Underwater lighting, cup holders, waterfall and head rests add a further dimension to the experience.

Forty four Classic jets offer a range of massage experiences from a gentle and soothing massage to a deep muscle, invigorating massage.

The J-280CD features 1 Whirl, 13 Luxury, 8 Euro Direct, 16 Euro and 6 Mini jets all of which have been designed to deliver a different hydrotherapy experience.

The hot tub has stylish chrome effect jet covers. Interior finishes are available in Cobalt, Sahara and Platinum with the exterior finish in a rich Autumn Red finish.

Retail Price inc. VAT: £7,499

J-270

If relaxation is your ultimate goal then the J-270 hot tub is the ideal choice. With seating for 6 you can relax with family and friends or simply recline in the full body lounger fitted with 14 jets targeting shoulders, back and leg areas, whilst listening to the gentle flow of the waterfall feature. The addition of three pillows and underwater lighting help provide the feeling of total wellbeing with drink holders providing a practical finishing touch.

The J-270 features 42 jets in total: 1 x Whirl, 10 x Luxury, 6 x Euro Direct, 14 x Euro, 4 x Pulsator and 7 x Mini jets - again, all of which have been designed to deliver a different hydrotherapy experience.

Interior finishes are available in Cobalt, Sahara and Platinum with the exterior finish in a rich Autumn Red finish.

Retail Price inc. VAT: £6,749

The Jacuzzi Hot Tub Collection is sold through specialist hot tub retailers throughout the UK. For further details telephone 01782 717175 or visit: http://www.jacuzzi.co.uk/

Lorries with TITS #1

This is getting ridiculous. If you have also happened across a lorry full of fake tits, please send the photos in. There's a definite gap in the market for a web site about lorries with tits.



"Here you go - a whole new genre for you, photos of lorry-loads of tits! This one was taken in Nicosia, the Capital of Cyprus. Given the rather large number of foreign 'Cabaret Artistes' that the newspapers here tell us are employed in the 'show-club' and 'entertainment' market sector one wonders why anyone should need a lorry-load of what seems to be plaster boobies - maybe it's to go with all those plastic smiles? Or perhaps in the 3rd-world country that Cyprus really is they just haven't got round to the silicon(e) anything technology yet! Best regards, Mark."

THE PS:
"PS: Did you note I limited myself to only 5 hyphens (and 3 of them were used 'properly' connecting words) and just 2 exclamation marks? See, reading your website everyday does help those of us with 'special problems', so do please keep up the good work. (I almost put another exclamation mark there, but resisted! Oh Damn! Damn! Damn!)"

A RESPONSE TO THE PS
It was a decent email, although we were forced to put in several capital letters after full stops. You may want to look into that, especially if you're old enough to be applying for jobs. Plus, for numbers less than 10, it's traditional to write them out fully - which would make "5" into "five."

NEXT WEEK ON 'GRAMMAR TODAY'
We'll address the sticky issue of unfashionable double-space.

Orange laptop/dongle size disparity

Orange unwisely chose to use a very small laptop to illustrate its mobile broadband solution. The woman is also small. This makes the USB broadband thing appear MASSIVE and therefore somewhat CHEAP and possibly even NASTY.

Her hands also seem wrong, but that might just be because we don't often look at their hands. Or because their hands are usually made into defensive fists when we're around.



There's some sort of complex deal in place where you get an Eee PC for signing up to something Orange is selling by the month-load. It's invariably more expensive than just buying everything you need individually off Ebuyer, so we won't pass on the small print.

Archos couldn't be bothered

Archos distributed a staggeringly huge 7087 x 8483 image of its Archos 5 media/internet thing, but didn't go the extra mile of Photoshopping in a fashionable band and/or TV show to demonstrate a real world use scenario. Sloppy work.



Uninspiring black background. No models. Off. Lazy. There's a reason people associate Archos with Amazon stock clearance sales and buy iPods instead, you know.

*Jingle* Promotional image of the Weeeek

It's Midlands butcher Clare Barry! Looking orangey and standing in front of a wide selection of cuts.



She has crumbs by her mouth, and no one told her about it.

Flood hit family butcher finds taste of nationwide success online

A long-established Midlands butcher has 'reinvented' the company to become a booming national online retailer - after a 'dreadful year' of being hit by floods, the credit crunch and competition from supermarket giants.

Clare Lusted, from www.clarebarry.co.uk says she and her father Barry realised they needed to take 'drastic action' when their shop became deserted last summer - as the surrounding streets in Evesham, Worcestershire, were submerged under six feet of water.

"Evesham was a ghost town, we were stranded at work, we looked at each other and just thought why don't we really push this internet thing?" said Clare.

"The water didn't come into our shop on the High Street, but our customers were in caravans - they'd had to move out of their homes - who wants a freezer full of meat in a caravan? And there was no barbecue season - who wants a floating barbecue?"

Clare says that as well as the floods, the business, established for 25 years, was also hit by cut-price competition from supermarkets as cash-strapped customers were attracted by multi-million pound advertising campaigns.

And she feared for the future of High Street shops because of spiralling fuel and parking costs.

But the site - which only sells meat from animals reared by UK farmers, built up more than 2,000 customers in just five months after the floods.

She said: "Our customers know it's more economical to buy meat from us than the supermarket due to its superior quality and taste.

"We still have strong local trade. But we knew there was potentially a nationwide market for high quality meat and we were really keen to continue to support British farmers.

Now Clare has overseen a rehaul of the website at www.clarebarry.co.uk and is spearheading a new marketing push.

She added: "With the UK becoming ever more health conscious, people generally seem to be seeking more healthy and economical options.

"We've found that people want the convenience of a supermarket but the quality of the local butcher. They are beginning to understand now that you can have fresh meat delivered and due to technological advances, its quality is not going to suffer in transit.

"Online meat trading is in its early years and many people still don't yet understand it's possible. Trust from customers can be an issue with a website - but we deliver what we say we will and customers come back.

"People also appreciate the quality of traditional farm reared meat. Even in these days of tightened household budgets, it's not all about competing on price. Comparing what we deliver to supermarket meat can be a false economy...it's like comparing Ford to Mercedes."

For more information, please contact Clare on [WE CANNOT DO THIS TO HER, WE'D HATE TO SEE TEARS RUNNING THROUGH THE FAKE TAN]

"This is my toaster"

This is a Gadgets with FACES. We thought we'd experiment by using an alternate headline system. Just in case it's the page layout that's making it not funny any more.



"This is my toaster."



"If you look at it upside down, it looks like a cat, a humanoid robot servant, or a member of the Spanish basketball team" - John.



Here, we have rotated the image by 180 degrees to illustrate John's point. It is in angry cat configuration. Presumably John didn't rotate the toaster for the photographs to avoid crumb spillage.

Gadgets IN SPACE: Wacom Intuos3 A4 pen tablet

Got sent this. It's about astronauts using a tablet computer thing on the International Space Station. It's not very interesting, but we're hoping it might lead to us getting sent more press releases about space gadgets.

We want to do something about a space toilet, basically. If anyone reading this has access to a space toilet, or even just a mock-up prototype space toilet, please invite us down for a go on it. We'll recreate the effects of zero gravity by getting urine everywhere. We'll even use the poo hole, should time allow.



Looks amazingly intuitive. See how all of his concentration and physical strength are being used on holding the tablet flat and pretending to use it.

Wacom's Intuos3 launches into outer space

Intuos3 is used in Research in the International Space Station

Wacom, the leading manufacturer of pen tablets, interactive pen displays and intuitive interface devices, today announces that the Intuos3 A4 pen tablet is the first to be used in outer space. Astronauts are using the pen tablet in a series of experiments analysing the way they perceive distances and dimensions during their time in the International Space Station (ISS).

On Earth, people can feel and "see" the effects of gravity on their bodies and surroundings. The human brain naturally takes gravity into account in several cerebral processes used for orientation, visual perception and motor control. In microgravity, however, many 'normal' references are lacking: objects float in space and the notions of 'up' and 'down' are no longer relevant. As a result, the brain receives unfamiliar information. Could this mean that the disorders experienced by astronauts are due to certain processes being altered by changes in the gravitational field? How does the brain adapt?

In conjunction with a number of French research laboratories, the French space agency CNES has developed a neurosensory stimulation platform, 'SENS', based on virtual reality. This unit can be used for neuroscience experiments involving astronauts before, during and after flights on the ISS.

Two Wacom Intuos3 A4 tablets are being utilised as part of the neuroscientific research project known as '3D Space'. The '3D Space' project aims to examine changes in astronauts' mental representations of their surrounding environment.

"3D Space is designed to test the hypothesis that altered visual perception affects motor control," explains Eric Lorigny, payload developer at CNES. "The astronaut is asked to reproduce shapes or text on the pen tablet. The pen tablet allows us to record and analyse the reactions both on earth and in space."

Guido Möller, Wacom's product manager professional products, worked closely with the CNES: "This is a very special milestone in Wacom's history and we are very proud that the European Space Agency chose the Intuos3 to use for its research".

The Intuos3 is a series of ten pen tablets aimed at professional users. It is used in various areas ranging from design to medical applications. Each tablet features a resolution of 5,080 dpi and Wacom's patented cordless and battery free pen has 1,024 levels of pressure sensitivity. The Intuos3 now has been qualified for use in space by CNES.

For further information on the ISS '3D Space' project go to:

http://www.cnes.fr/web/5881-sens.php

Mother speaker leads baby speakers to lounge

So sweet. They only hatched out yesterday.



Careful, little ones! There's a sharp edge where the kitchen linoleum joins the lounge carpet!



Here's a bonus photo of a woman's hand at a really high-resolution. Don't you dare accuse us of not putting in the effort any more.

Nokia 8800 "Carbon Arte"

Not made, engineered.



Left on the side wings of sports cars. There was no LIFESTYLE photography with this one, but if there was, it'd been no fewer than three supermodels eating lettuce outside an Italian cafe with their Carbon Artes open and in full view. They would be flirting with a hunky waiter.

HIGHLIGHT: "Consumers can tap the steel surface below the display twice and a clock appears on the screen."

Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte Reflects Authenticity and Performance

Espoo, Finland - Nokia today introduced the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte, a new premium device that marries the timeless design of the Nokia 8800 Arte range with materials that reflect a new exclusivity based on refinement and authenticity. Engineered from carbon fibre, titanium, polished glass and stainless steel, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte is for individuals who appreciate uncompromised high performance.

Carbon fibre is an ultra light and strong material that expresses a woven pattern that is both high-tech, and sensuous. Custom built to ensure the precision engineering that these materials require, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte features 3D patterns that express the inherent performance and lustre of carbon fibre.

Inspired by the use of these materials in a range of areas, including architecture, sports cars and aerospace, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte reflects a modern feel through the unique tones, textures and sculpted shapes that carbon fibre and titanium deliver.

In keeping with the tradition of the Nokia 8800 Arte range, each detail of the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte is carefully considered to enhance the premium value and quality of the device. The minimalistic and seamless surfaces, slide mechanism and impressive weight of the phone all feature throughout the Nokia 8800 Arte line. Also available on the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte are soundtracks and wallpapers created exclusively for the range.

Combining timeless style with superb functionality, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte offers the unique tap-for-time feature - consumers can tap the steel surface below the display twice and a clock appears on the screen. Background images organically change during the day, giving a unique appearance to the display. The turn-to-mute silencing mechanism allows individuals to silence incoming calls in a discrete manner by turning the phone over, screen-side down.

In addition to the 3G capabilities and 3.2 megapixel auto focus camera and high quality audio, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte boasts a stunning OLED display and built-in memory that has been expanded from previous offerings in the range to 4 GB. Meanwhile, Nokia's anti-fingerprint coating reduces smudges on metal and glass and unsightly outer seams are hidden by a unique all-in-one microUSB connector.

Enhancing the experience, the Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte is delivered with an exclusive range of accessories. These include a Bluetooth touch-sensitive volume control headset, a stylish desk stand and a beautiful leather carrying case.

The Nokia 8800 Carbon Arte will be available in the 3rd quarter of 2008 with an estimated retail price of £870 sim free and exclusive of VAT.

Sony Cyber-shot T700 and T77 AND LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

Don't get too excited, one of the photos is of a man.



Although, he has got long hair, so you could always NO GOD NO.



6510 x 4888. Photos were taken with something a little more substantial than a lady's handbag snapper the size of an After Eight.



She went for the pink one. We KNEW she'd go for the pink one!

Gadgets with FACES #65: A cassette-based MP3 player

Eyes, eyebrows, glasses, small and thin moustache, plus it's spitting out an SD card in disgust at the awful collection of 90s rock you're asking it to tolerate.



Let's all join together and tilt our heads slightly to the left.

Static non-powered objects with faces #9: A trailer

The maker of this image did the funny thing where you increasingly zoom in! It turns a good picture into an all-time classic. If only this technique had been around when Andy Warhol was still alive.



Stolen off the internet somewhere. We may as well just turn this site into an RSS feed of Boing Boing.

Gadgets with FACES #64: A sad orange juice machine in Barcelona

Could also pass for an elephant. Would anyone be interested in a series of increasingly-poor updates under the heading Things Which Look Like Elephants?



"You can find attached an image of a sad orange juice machine in Barcelona. He is there every day, even the weekends, sixteen hours a day, serving people good vitamin C but nobody even cares to say thanks. And they have put him a silly hat like Carmen Miranda...

"I read the poll news, I also vote (once). I have to say that I disagree with the discontinue of the gadgets with faces section. But, that's only my opinion. Enyway(tm), I had this photograph some time, but I wanted to re-take it since it's a little shaken. If you are interested, I can go and shoot a few more, using tripod and maybe some friends to talk to him... saludos, Stelios."

"PS: English is not my native language, so forgive any mistakes."

"PS2: Once in Spanish means eleven :)"

Static non-powered objects with faces #8: Monsieur Boite Postale

Even has a French goatee. Nostrils. Eyebrows. An embroidered hat. It's all there. This face is no accident!



"'Salut! Je m'appelle Monsieur Boite Postale' - it's all there - mouth, nose, eyes, beauty spot(?). He even has eyebrows which must count for something. The thought that the letters actually get inserted thought those eyebrows makes me feel a little uneasy however. He could be the robotic brother of Bert from Sesame Street. At quite a push. Anyway - you never know when those slow news days might come along do you? Cheers!" - John.

*Jingle* 1970s image quality promotional image of the weeeeek

Someone emailed out a bitmap. That's the internet equivalent of putting dog poo on your doorstep. Shameful.



If you're unsure, just JPEG it. It's the safest way.

Vinergy of UNKNOWN size

It's an ultra-rare A23. Looks a bit like a CR123 designed for cameras, like the army of Great Powers we have assembled - yet are still to actually use because we don't own anything that specialist. Phorenzik sent this in four months ago. It got a bit lost.



"I found this little beauty at work the other day. It looks like a regular double A battery, doesn't it?"



"You're WRONG! It's actually one of those cocky little fuckers that thinks they're better than regular sized batteries! I've included a picture with a 5p coin for size comparison. I would've used a pound coin but I only had a £2 pound coin, a 50p coin, three 2p coins, two 1p coins, four 20p, coins, and a 10p coin on me at the time. That's every fucking coin EXCEPT the one I wanted. This is like the story of my life in coin form. At least I have £3.53 though, so it's not all bad. Look at the smarmy little bastard. He's loving all the attention. That's it. Cheerio then - Phorenzik."

Miscellaneous LG photographic madness

Found these two while cruising round the back of some godforsaken Korean web site looking for action. Thought you might appreciate them.



This must be the Korean equivalent of taking a sofa down to the basketball court and doing a bit of breakdancing.



Nice boots. Nice thighs. Nice... oh. Whoops.

Gadgets with FACES that have been BURNED OFF in a FIRE #1: The InFocus IN80

She was beautiful, once. Before the accident.



She never goes out any more. Just sits at home, projecting a 1080p image on a wall.

A hi-res photo of an ambulance

You never know when a hi-res photo of an ambulance might come in handy. Don't mock it - in six years time you might need one for something. It'll still be here.



It's even been cut out. Perfect.

Gadgets with FACES #61, 62 and 63: A collection of pressure cookers

It would appear that someone is in the market for a new pressure cooker and/or steamer. Perhaps someone has resolved to start eating healthier? That someone is occasional reader and even less occasional contributor "Phorenzik."

OPENING PREAMBLE:
"You haven't heard from me in a while, and after this you'll wish you hadn't heard from me now."



"I've found something with a face. It's a JML halogen oven. Look at the smug fucker. Grinning away whilst displaying YOUR dinner in HIS belly! That'll teach you to come home from work late. He looks like a right shifty so and so. I bet he even 'did' the missus while you were out. They're BOTH laughing at you now. Laughing and plotting."



"I also found these as well. Apparently they're called Crock Pots. He's an annoyingly happy little chap isn't he? Look at his stumpy arms. Quick, run the bath and fetch the pillow case. I'll tell the kids he's gone on holiday."



"This one looks like one of those stupid robot things from that Stephen Spielberg film that had those robots in it who didn't have any batteries included with them. That's it. I know it's not very funny, but It's the best you're gonna get from me. You might be able to use it to pad out the blog a bit if Bilal stops sending stuff in. Goodbye - Phorenzik."

Pink/green Eee PCs for Korea

That thing there - no, the other thing, no the other thing, no, THE LAPTOP - is an Eee PC 1000H. It's new because it comes in different colours.



Their malnourished little arms wouldn't cope with a conventional laptop.

NEW THING: Rough British women promoting industrial products

The receptionist. The only woman in the entire company*. She loves it. They treat her like a princess. When a thing needs to be photographed, she's the natural and cheapest choice!

We need more pictures like this. We need the site to only be pictures like this. Before Friday. Cheers.



"A woman in a slightly too small/tight outfit looking at plastic boxes. I think you'd be onto something here - 'Ropey birds with ropey products - The seedy underside of British business advertising'. Maybe somebody could dig up a YouTube video of that double glazing advert from a few years back that had a lady in a leather catsuit - No. 7."

*There's a fat one in accounts who must be about 50, but everyone's decided she doesn't count.

Gadgets with FACES #61: The A/C MANIFOLD GAUGE SET

Found on Harbor Freight Tools, which is sitting on a bit of a goldmine when it comes to faces.



"It's the MS Word Paperclip's wacky cousin!" - Arthur.

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS FROM HARBOR FREIGHT

The MD's wife modelling a hat

Caravan socks

Pneumatic blasters with FACES

Gadgets with FACES and TITS #1: A pretty lady corkscrew

The face looks like it was created on purpose, to attract potential lady purchasers by making it look cute. But the tits? They're surely accidental. Which means they're more arousing.



She's called Anna. Don't get too excited, as we suspect there's a MASSIVE METAL SPIRAL COCK sitting under that lovely dress of hers.

Greek remote control APOCALYPSE!!

Everything anyone has ever sent in - OBLITERATED. Crushed by a Greek market stall that specialises in remote controls.



"I thought that you might like some of these - excuse the poor resolution of 1200x1600, I left my good camera in the back of a taxi."



"The first couple were taken in a Greek flea market, showing that the market for random remote controls is very much alive and well in Greece."



"You can even see a Greek man's hand in the last one."



"The rest are a selection of batteries from remote controls that I used in several Greek Hotel rooms. Feel free to make something up should the truth not be as palatable as your imagination."



"Should you decide that these are marginally more humorous than discussing if something is a gadget or not can you please print my name as the girl I was with (Nancy) now thinks that I am weird/maladjusted/have a remote control and battery fetish and letting her see the site is easier than trying to explain away my actions. Yours remotecontrollingly, Nancy."



Thanks Nancy! It's great to have another confirmed female reader, even if you've just told us you're only a man pretending to be a woman called Nancy.



The real Nancy might be reading today, though, so everyone be on your best behaviour!



Don't go talking about wanking over Gemma Atkinson, for example. It's remarkable how badly that line of conversation always goes down with the ladies.

Gadgets with FACES #60: A Belkin GoStudio

Has eyes, ears, possibly even headphones, a funny round mouth and you could possibly even mistake those LEDs for a moustache, if you've still got last night's residue pumping through your veins.



Would appear to be wearing sunglasses on top of its head, though. The little tosser.

Holding/faces spotted in "Skip Chicks" archive

Do not visit The Skip Magazine. It features nominally-arousing photos of girls that work in the skip industry. The skip industry isn't in the list of places to go to in search of titillation, funnily enough.



"I am desperately trying to crowbar this into gadgets with faces. Even though skip technology has hardly accelerated at a geometric pace since its invention, the face is merely a painted on sham and the picture size is small."



"It wouldn't fit into a holding category; probably because wearing a hard-hat while being a semi-clad 'skip chick' (their term not mine) near any amount of men filling a skip needs no promotion. It's simple common sense. No! Don't take it off and bend provocatively down for the camera. You're just inviting some sex-starved builder to take your head off in some lust-distracted accident that looks like a joint homage to Eric Sykes' The Plank and anything Michael Winner ever did."



"This is from the Skip Chicks archives of 'The Skip' magazine. I kid you not.



"I suspect that beneath the bog-standard industrial blank screen screensaver this monitor is grinning it's boxy head off. Does it count as holding too if its between your thighs? I really cannot say a bad word about any of these girls (who are also interviewed on the page) as having to do this at all must have been bad enough for the poor souls. Unless they got paid a bundle. The Skip Chick archive and, to a lesser extent, the rest of The Skip magazine had me so filled with chuckles that I've been passing my tabs around all day. I'll leave you with Barbara - who, being Polish is described as a zloty hotty. She appears to be single-handedly preventing this fence from falling down - Magnetite."

Remote controls with FACES #1: A remote control with a face

Let's go into an even more obscure sub-niche of things people didn't even like to begin with. This will please management no end.



"I found myself bored while holed-up in a hotel room the night before my wedding. Instead of, say, cleaning my shoes, ironing my shirt or learning how to tie my tie properly, I decided to watch Newsnight and see what sort of batteries all the room's remote controls had in them."



"The batteries were all standard issue and rather dull, but I didn't half enjoy myself acting out elaborate battery-eating scenarios with this cheery chap and his big, hinged mouth. Please don't use my real name, as the wife probably wouldn't like to know the terribly unromantic details of the hours preceding the BIG OCCASION - Xxxx Xxxxxxx."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #7: A recycling point

Either a rubbish bin, or a urinal for two very friendly drunk tramps to use at the same time.



"One extremely happy recycling unit. This little fella greets me at every fag break. He appears to be incredibly satisfied with his existence, and bears a striking resemblance to a rabbit. At this very moment he's wishing all of us a very happy weekend!"

THE APOLOGY FOR POOR PHOTO QUALITY:
"Apologies for rudimentary photo quality - Adam."

The 555!

Idiot Toys friend and regular battery submitter Lee sadly only supplied six photographs of this stunna. We'd have used all 555, had 555 come through. You know that's true. You KNOW IT. We iz 4REAL when it comes to battery coverage.

OPENING PREAMBLE
"Hello! I have a treat for you, in the form of some unusual batteries. Known simply as '555', they don't even sport any English on their bodies or packaging. Their quality surpasses mere language."



"Here they are, in their natural state. Whoever works in the 555 factory needs a slap, as they've made the basic error of not angling the batteries so the name is visible through the blister pack. Perhaps you are now gazing in disbelief at the price? Are they really only 50p? Do you want confirmation?"



"Consider it confirmed! 10p per battery. You literally can't go wrong. The back of the packet has further treats."



"Beautiful layout, including signage indicating where to cut with scissors in order to separate the batteries into their individual sections. There's even more to be gleaned here, as a closer inspection reveals..."



"Yes! They've got a mascot, a bit like the EBF one. In addition, it appears as if at least 16,013 units have been shipped, although thanks to your work against Sony we all know that this does not necessarily mean 16,013 units have been sold. Let's crack one of these bad boys out of its cage."



"Observant readers may notice that the cell is actually a bit deformed. It was, essentially, broken out of the box. The misshape is not due to any lens defect on my camera, and I'll fight anyone that says it is. Still, 10p per battery is a bargain. Unless an even more detailed look will unveil the real reason behind the price..."



"A-ha! The truth. They're past their best. They probably still work a bit, but I'm not willing to test them for fear of having an explosion in my face. I'll keep the rest in their packs 'time capsule' style, for future generations.

"The 555 website is also a veritable goldmine, containing such nuggets as 'Today, a modernized Battery City has been set up in the new factory zone with the area of 170 thousand square meters' and 'We won! We completely won 337 investigation!'

"I hope you enjoyed this little adventure. At 358 words, it's not insignificant - Lee."

Gadgets with FACES #59: Another cheap vacuum cleaner

Quite similar to the Woolworths one, but not precisely the same. We even went so far as to check. Probably pumped out of the same Taiwanese factory by the same child workforce, mind.



"Here's something you've probably already covered, but it's too good to not email. Just look at his happy face and his lovely beard! If your teenage daughter met him on the internet, you'd have no option but to approve. Apologies for the lack of norks and batteries - Harold."

OLD REMOTES, incorporating READER'S FEET

Sadly not also incorporating READER'S SEXY MUMS, but that's just a matter of time.



"I was chucking out an old TV (thanks to those new-fangled flat panel ones) and found the remote for it. Granted, its not THAT old, but it's huge, has a great big slide panel, and is supremely dusty and filthy."



"No exciting batteries in it though - just plain ol' Duracells."



"I enclose full 7megapixel photos and a nice macro pic, because I know you like that sort of thing. You can see all the scum really well."



"I've just noticed that if you change the levels on the image, you may get a glimpse into the exciting life I lead. Socks on the radiator, a charger for a Creative MP3 player, a Japanese PS2 pad, an Xbox game case and MY BARE FOOT - Andy."

Battery art!

Battery art!



"I thought you might enjoy the attached images - battery art by Jason Limon. Cheers, Richie."



This is what our dreams look like.



Although one of them should be Maria Sharapova, brandishing an 8" strap-on, for 100% dream accuracy.



Perfect.

Close-ups of various bits of Maria Sharapova

It's to promote Sony Ericsson accessories. We're well within acceptable territory with this. No one can complain.



Nice choppy fringe. She's been styled at great expense.



Shoulders.



This is the "party bag." Our party bag contains two cans of Stella, two pills we found on the floor of a pub that we might as well eat and see what happens, plus some tissues. Tissues for both ends.



For when you need a 5428 x 7230 photograph of Maria Sharapova's passport case or a huge one of her left thumb.

Garden vehicles with FACES #1, #2, #3 and #4

From our occasional series of updates titled Photos We Got Sent And Don't Want To Cause Offence By Not Using Them.



"Went to the Chelsea Flower Show a couple of weeks ago to see all the posh gardens an' that, and came across an entire species of vehicles with faces."



"Sort of 'crap Transformers', if you will. Clearly, the three solo ones are the Autobot equivalents, while the pair of red ones are Decepticons – pure evil, intent on destroying every last flowerbed and herbaceous border, wherever in the universe it may hide. Fear them... Ronan."



Electric headlights and starter motor. They count.



That's astroturf, or possibly just a green carpet. It doesn't need mowing.

*Jingle* Promotional image of the weeeek

A darts player has been sponsored. Guess who by? It's not by Sony. It's not by Samsung. It's not by Calvin Klein or Guess. So who would sponsor a darts player?



Mr Porky would sponsor a darts player. Who'd have thought a pork scratchings manufacturer would use the phrase "brand values"?

Porky's Plan to Paint the Net Pink

PDC darts star Peter Manley

Britain's best selling brand of pork scratchings has an exciting new interactive home on the web.

Mr Porky has checked into his very own virtual pub, complete with talking barmaid, beer pumps, darts board and quiz machine.

Fans of the iconic snack range, a particular favourite among pub goers, can log on to access the latest Mr Porky news and download piggy themed desktop wallpapers.

They can also meet professional darts ace Peter 'One Dart' Manley, who is sponsored by the Porky brand, and throw a leg or two of online arrows.

Sarah Nunn, GB marketing controller for Mr Porky, said: "With the ever growing popularity of darts and our ongoing association with Peter Manley, this is the perfect time to boost Mr Porky's online presence.

"The site totally reflects our brand values - fun, quirky and always up for a laugh. We will be using it to maximise consumer awareness of the ever improving Mr Porky range."

Eighteen million bags of Mr Porky scratchings, crackles and pork crunch are manufactured every year. As well as pubs, the snacks can be found in supermarkets, convenience stores, petrol forecourts, off licences and cash and carries around the country.

Pay a visit to Porky's pub at http://www.mrporky.co.uk

Gadgets with FACES #58: A Henry vacuum cleaner

A reader sent in a joke.



"I was thinking of buying a vacuum cleaner, and was looking about and if I'm not mistaken, I can clearly make out a face on the front of this 'Henry' model from Numatic. It appears to be some sort of elephant in a top hat with red skin. The hose of the cleaner forms a trunk-like 'nose'. I don't know if it's deliberate. Maybe you could feature it on the pages of your fine website/blog whatever it's called. It looks cheerful enough - Jody."

Mechanical things with FACES #1: Emre's tractor "with attitude"

Awesome face. Looks like a boss from a 3D Sonic game. He's cross-eyed because Sonic has just bewildered him with a burst of speed!



"Here's a real nugget for you... A tractor with a really bad attitude. 'Varmints' of the field beware! Oh by the way, it was co-spotted by my son Emre who as I am sure you will remember spotted the trash can/bin you featured a while back. Please feature his name prominently in the update. Oh and by the by the way, the picture was taken in Turkey... so it fits nicely in with the radio you featured recently... do I smell a theme coming? Yours, Pingus."

National Neo - since 1931

High-gloss finish, superb green detailing beneath the contoured positive terminal. Looks larger than its standardised AA size, that's for sure.



"I think the battery says it all - a 'Top seller since 1931'. I love the back, all that white untranslated Japanese in a sea of Red! I bet these batteries powered the original Astro Boy before they invented nuclear power."



"I loved photographing them, hope it shows. Please don't use my real name, the girls would go crazy - Xxxxx Xxxxxxx."

Gadgets with FACES #57: An Avometer 8

This is also an entry in the series entitled Things We'd Buy Off Ebay For A Laugh If They Were Less Than A Fiver.



"Went to the Science Museum the other week, lots of things to bore the girlfriend with. Saw this and thought of you. Even they're in on it now, bastards - Rich."

*Jingle* Promotional image of the Weeeeek

This one is promoting car insurance, by illustrating the fact that all you need to do to get wanked off in a lay-by is wear a traffic cop uniform you bought off eBay.



Yorkshire women will do pretty much anything, it turns out.

Diva drivers flirt to keep a clean licence

Flirtatious females admit to using their feminine charm to flirt their way out of a parking ticket.

A YouGov survey has revealed that one in four women drivers would give a bat of their eyelashes or a hint of cleavage as means of avoiding or reducing penalty points.

In a survey of 2,181 drivers Diva, a new sophisticated, comprehensive car insurance provider specifically designed for women found that 34% of 18-24 year olds said they'd give or would consider giving a traffic warden the come on - brandishing young women as the most brazen behind the wheel.

The mature driver has more driving decorum, with 61% of over 45 year olds refusing to even consider flirting if caught flouting the law.

Drivers from Yorkshire displayed the most temptress tendencies - 25% said they'd turn on the charm if faced with potential penalty points, while 7% of Londoners admitted to already having had a go at charming their way out of trouble.

Head of Diva, Kaye Sutcliffe said: "Diva is car insurance designed specifically for women, and we wanted to delve into a diva's mind and see what makes us girls tick. At Diva we think women are better drivers which is why we have negotiated such excellent rates for women. But I'm not sure guys realise just how shrewd women are when it comes to getting themselves out of trouble. Flirting is just one more device divas deploy to get what they want behind the wheel."

Diva shops around to find the best quotes on car insurance for women. Visit Diva's new website www.divainsurance.co.uk to see the competitive deals available for women drivers and useful motoring advice on everything from lessons in car maintenance to tips on how to buy a second hand car.

ENDS

Picture Caption:
A diva driver attempting to flirt her way out of a parking ticket!


Notes to Editors
• All figures are from YouGov Plc. Total sample size was 2,181 adults. Fieldwork was undertaken from 4th to 7th July 2008. The survey was carried out online. The figures have been weighted and are representative of all GB adults (aged 18+).

Gadgets with FACES #56: A power strip

Power strip? Or sick, enforced labour camp, where innocent young pluglings are forced to stand in line all day with their mouths open, ready to be violated?



"Here's a picture of a gadget with lots of little faces, all shocked that she's left one of his DVDs out on the table rather than putting it back in its protective case, again - Pete."

A man's triple-threat submission

An old calculator. A battery that's just called "Battery," An aeroplane with an astonishing face, hat and waving hand. It's not ideal photography, and some of it's stolen from somewhere else, but it will certainly do for today.



"Here are some picture of some corroded batteries, a somewhat old fashioned calculator and a plane that sort of looks like a face."



"The plane I found on the internet so don't use that if that is against your policy or something."



Nothing is too banal. Nothing is too stolen. Anything will do. The only policy we have is to try and not be too sexist, as several women have started using the internet recently and we worry about one stumbling in while searching the internet for shopping.



Thanks, Mr "brainboatt."