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Friday, April 24, 2009

Exmovere Holdings reveals its "Wearable Transportation Device"

Finally! The trousers/car/chair hybrid we've been waiting for.



Great for the businessman - save the legs, put more energy into the brain to help form those important business ideas. Also makes short men appear taller - giving them the crucial psychological edge in contract negotiations.



Also ideal for low-level office staff whose jobs are standing near photocopiers.



Also pretty useful for Mega Man cosplay.
Exmovere Holdings Unveils Wearable Transportation Device

MCLEAN, Va.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--This week Exmovere Holdings is presenting a series of demonstrations of a self-balancing, hands free concept vehicle called the Chariot. The Chariot is a wearable, sensor-activated pod designed for use by amputees and others who have difficulty standing. The demonstrations are being held at Exmovere's McLean, Virginia headquarters from April 7th until April 10th.

Unlike other self-balancing vehicles, the Exmovere Chariot is controlled by subtle movements of the lower torso and hips. Sensors inside the cocoon-like shell of the vehicle predict the intended motion of the wearer. The Chariot requires no manual dexterity, minimal physical effort and allows wearers to closely approach and reach objects. The upright form of the Chariot allows its wearer to make direct eye contact with others. The Chariot is battery powered and can travel up to 12 miles per hour.

According to David Bychkov, CEO of Exmovere, "The Chariot represents an exciting path for our company. Whereas our team was originally focused on designing sensor products that monitored signs of life, the Chariot's sensors are designed to make life more livable. We especially hope that the Chariot will offer dignity, strength and increased mobility to those who were wounded serving our country."

Production versions of the Chariot will integrate Exmovere's proprietary vital sign sensors, environmental and ground clearance sensors, wireless and cellular connectivity, a smaller form factor and unique options for military and law enforcement customers. Exmovere will also develop a feature of the Chariot that can switch the wearer from upright to seated position. Exmovere seeks to partner with an automotive manufacturer to eventually launch a performance-oriented Chariot.

Exmovere Holdings is a biomedical engineering company that specializes in emotion sensing applications for healthcare, homeland security and mobility.

Item posted at 8:39 AM

27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Every time I see this, it just seems like an April fools joke that got out of hand.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Face said...

How the hell do you get in and out of it? And does it climb walls?

9:54 AM  
Blogger GigerPunk said...

That's just mad, that is...That first picture just sreams "Come on Johnson, keep up! I'm a busy half-man/half-robot abomination! I haven't got time to dawdle, you useless fleshbag!"
Well, it does to me anyway.

The fact you can't see his legs at all makes me wonder if they've actually removed the lower half of the body and fitted him into that permanently.

Either that or he's a prototype robot and they've only made the top half life-like so far, maybe for doing newsreader type jobs until they've can work out how to make him climb stairs without falling over.

Oh, and is that circular bit at the front where he pees from?
Or an easy-access hatch for his secretary?
(I don't want to know about the circular bit at the rear)

10:19 AM  
Blogger GigerPunk said...

Only just read the accompanying bumpf - "designed for use by amputees"
So, they DID cut his legs off to fit him into it.

Also "and others who have difficulty standing"
That'd be drunks then, yes? Motorised drunks.

"battery powered and can travel up to 12 miles per hour"
Battery powered, 12mph drunks.
Do we get to see photos of said batteries?

10:34 AM  
Blogger Badben said...

12mph is pretty fast. For example if I run at 12mph for 30 yards I need a heart bypass.

So it's got a decent turn of speed for launching amputees under buses and over railings etc. Sounds entertaining, and for that reason I'm in. But why stop at 12mph? Lets have number plates, a retractable fairing and 35mph! Think of the crashes!

12:23 PM  
Blogger GigerPunk said...

Badben - they appear to already be planning that as the next stage:
"Exmovere seeks to partner with an automotive manufacturer to eventually launch a performance-oriented Chariot"

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Men no me said...

from the fine print: "optional vacuum cleaner attachment not included"


wv: Guntion: The boys at the firing range were full of guntion this afternoon.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Badben said...

Didn't read all the waffle - but hey! I reckon they should partner with Suzuki. It clearly needs a 1000cc Superbike engine. I can imagine it leaned so far forward you'd need a carbon scratch plate on your chin, howling past 100mph in 5 seconds. And then crashing. Amputees flying everywhere.

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Bard said...

Why does he have to carry his own briefcase??

1:40 PM  
Anonymous Raymond Baxter's Stool said...

"We especially hope that the Chariot will offer dignity, strength and increased mobility to those who were wounded serving our country."

How much dignity is there in looking like Vacuum Cleaner Man(tm).
Disney / Pixar could get a movie out of it, though, - with great merchandising potential for the kids!

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Raymond Baxter's Stool said...

Bard said...
"Why does he have to carry his own briefcase??"

That's to show that, despite being fused to a piece of brightly coloured plastic, he is still as normal as you or me and can function with dignity.
Except when he needs a shit.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Gonuts McDie said...

Why all the R&D? Why didn't they just buy a Segway and gaffer tape an amputee to it?

wv latintic: "Julie, could ARRIBA! you pass me the cake?"

2:29 PM  
Anonymous Enn said...

I'd like to react to the initial post but these comments are even funnier than the pictures. Kudos, men.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But does it hover? If it doesn't hover I'm not interested.

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Raymond Baxter's Stool said...

It doesn't hover but it does Hoover.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who among us *hasn't* done a Hoover? Desperate times make desperate men do desperate things with desperate vacuum cleaners.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Botrax said...

Captain Pike lives!!!!!!!!!!!

6:08 AM  
Blogger Chris S said...

I dont think he can bend down far enough to get the copies out of the machine.

7:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just can't wait for him to go rolling down the Leytonstone high road when a bunch of kids lifts him and lays him on his side, stuff freworks up the underside and then nick his wallet!

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Exmovere Holdings is a biomedical engineering company that specializes in emotion sensing applications for healthcare, homeland security and mobility.

*Emotion* sensing applications? Typo, or imminent male-obsolescence device? We should be told!

WV: Submipa - First word of an aspiring American princess ...

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm waiting in eager anticipation for the first Exmovere Zuma limited edition to make its' way onto eBay. Launched in South Africa in recognition of Jacob Zuma's election.

http://news.scotsman.com/world/Zuma39s-election-win-sealed-with.5207194.jp

6:40 AM  
Blogger moth said...

What, no one has called it? Very well - second picture: face. On the side of The Wrong Trousers, looks like Beaker off of The Muppets.

wv: lorcep - one of the instruments in Cronenberg's Dead Ringers.

8:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loving the casual 'hand on cyber-hip' pose in the first pic

9:10 AM  
Blogger benny lemon said...

This post has been removed by the author.

5:39 PM  
Blogger benny lemon said...

What happens if he nods off while going 12mph down the corridor?

"Went to get a cup of coffee from the machine and woke up in bloody Neasden".

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

IF they wanted people to have dignity they would have told the stylists to make it less like a pornographic gundam with a 10" woofer pussy and anus and made it a little more understated.

11:02 PM  
Anonymous tony said...

i love how he's squinting at the sun in that last picture

6:42 PM  

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