SAMPLE CONVERSATION provided by BuddyMob

BuddyMob is a thing to go on some phones. A chat system, by the look of it. That's the sum of our knowledge about it.

Here's how BuddyMob thinks its fashionable, party-oriented, lifestyle-having users converse.



"Hey, dude! Let's party like it's the 1980s and we're the guys in Swingers!"



"I have a fear of going outside because I think everyone laughs at me for being ugly."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #22: A euphoric toothbrush holder

He's happy now, safely in the shop, but that smile will be wiped off his face when you stick in that disgusting bit of brown plastic you've had since 1999 that you still put in your mouth in the mistaken belief that it'll make your teeth any cleaner.



"This time it's a toothbrush pot type thing that looks way too pleased with itself. Enjoy(?)" - Bowdie.

Battery King Lee's gonzo outdoor French "MaxE" photography special

Our resident battery photography expert Lee (EXIF DATA: and his Nikon D80) have been to France! Lee found a battery. Lee made himself look a bit silly in public for our entertainment.

Lee, if you ever require the company of a socially inept male to sit next to in awkward silence and require beer buying for you, let us know. We definitely owe you.

OPENING PREAMBLE
"I was recently LiveBlogging at the International Year of Astronomy 2009 Opening Ceremony, which is a trendy and hip thing to do, in a very very geeky way. The events were held in Paris, and I managed to sneak out for a bit to see if foreign-land is as bad as we’ve all been led to believe."



"Outside the Louvre I spotted this rare battery, which had been casually and callously discarded on the ground. Instinct kicked in, and I positioned it on a nearby statue and snapped away. The picture has two things of interest to your readers: an unusual battery, and some boobies."



"Here's a close-up of the battery, to improve the photo-to-word ratio of this post. I was disappointed to find that it is a rechargeable. This knowledge contributed to my eventual decision to throw it in the bin. The other factor was fear of it leaking in my pocket, and horribly burning my upper-thigh" - Lee.

Guess the THING

Go on, have a go. What is it? Only scroll down enough to see the photo. You'll never guess. It's the wrong shape and colour, for a start.

Ignore the terrible pairing of formal shoes and tracksuit trousers. This isn't a fashion blog and he's been in hospital so is only wearing what his wife could hurriedly stuff in a carrier bag as they carted him off.



It's an artificial heart a man got sent home with at Christmas. That's a heart! They waited a few weeks before sending out the press release just in case he died on Boxing Day. Mildly inconvenient to take with you everywhere, but still better than not having a heart at all and therefore being stuck writing cynical internet updates for the rest of your life.

CardioWest Artificial Heart Patient Goes Home for Christmas

French Patient Plays Santa for Grandchildren

TUCSON, Ariz. -- On Dec. 25, 2008, CardioWest temporary Total Artificial Heart patient Mr. Potiron left University Hospital of Nantes for the first time in more than a year to spend Christmas at home with his family using the European portable driver.

"This Christmas was my best Christmas ever. There is no place like home," said Mr. Potiron, who dressed up as Santa Claus for his four grandchildren. "My dream of spending Christmas at home with my family came true thanks to the artificial heart and portable driver."

"We have waited for a long time to put one of our patients on the portable driver because it is in limited supply," explained Prof. Daniel Duveau, Medical Director for the Thorax Institute at University Hospital of Nantes. "We eagerly await the arrival of the new Companion Driver System so that more of our artificial heart patients can enjoy a near-normal quality of life at home. Many of these patients can shop, travel, visit family and live life like people with human hearts. Quality of life is very important because these patients can wait up to two years for a matching human heart due to the shortage of donors."

"Without the CardioWest artificial heart, I wouldn't be here today. I feel healthier than I have in years," said Mr. Potiron, who received his artificial heart on Nov. 18, 2007, after suffering two heart attacks.

In Q1 2009, SynCardia will apply for CE approval of the Companion Driver in Europe and apply to the FDA to conduct an IDE clinical study of the Companion Driver in the U.S. The Companion Driver is designed for use in the hospital and at home. SynCardia projects a 400% increase in the number of patients benefiting from the CardioWest artificial heart in the 24 months following regulatory approvals.

Originally designed as a permanent replacement heart, the CardioWest artificial heart is currently approved as a bridge to human heart transplant for patients dying from end stage biventricular failure.

The CardioWest artificial heart is the first and only FDA, Health Canada and CE Mark approved temporary Total Artificial Heart in the world. There have been more than 770 implants of the CardioWest artificial heart, accounting for more than 150 patient years of life on the device.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #25: A cog or bit of something

No idea what this is. Anyone who ever knew what this was has probably died by now, or is in a home, so it's unlikely we'll ever know. Stupid farmers, littering the landscape with their broken old machines.



"My friend recommended your site to me and said I should send you my "Copper face" picture. Hope you'll like it!" - H.

Apple advises attempting a wank over Pink on Valentine's Day

Pink's quite attractive when she wears a nice wig and a dress and pretends she's like a proper girl instead of Vasquez out of Aliens, but there's something worrying about her. Definite hint of chemically-shrunken male genitalia underneath it all.



On the plus side, she could help out with lifting around the house, leaving us with more time to spend on the internet looking at pictures of proper women.



Same old specialist. They should've dressed her up a bit for Valentine's Day. They could've put her in a crotchless pair of GAP cargo pants, or a pink hoodie :(

The awesome 9V power of ROLAND

Battery update! It's been a while. We forgot how ace batteries are. Sorry, batteries. Thanks to reader "Mash440" for the exemplary find and photography work.



It would appear that musical equipment maker Roland has paid an Asian contractor to create a custom range of bespoke batteries to go in its goods. One day, we WILL make an Idiot Toys battery.



Mr 440 has done a superb job with his photos. The EXIF data shows he used a Pentax K100D Super.



But never mind the camera, let's admire the composition.



All it takes is a well-shot 9V battery and a hint of gadget-with-face and our enthusiasm has ROCKETED back to 2006 levels.

EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES: Michael J Beverage, board member of Yorba Linda Water District

Sent in by a "Jim" and we can only guess at the reason he was rummaging through the Yorba Linda Water District web site (THE GUESS: He lives there and is applying for a low-level admin job).



Timeless, like a colourised version of one of granddad's war photos. Slightly feminine face, mind, which means that moustache might be a "beard" to cover his previous 32-year tortured existence as a lady called Monica.

Feminine hygiene update #2: Veet's edgy marketing

Veet, as we seem to have picked up somewhere, somehow, is the new name for lady hair removal product Immac.



Sent in by "Norbie" who apologised for the lack of a high-resolution image. There was no EXIF data to brighten up the afternoon, either.

"I'm, like, TOTALLY ROCKING OUT with my Sony Ericsson W508 WALKMAN-branded mobile telephone"

We may have misinterpreted the facial expression. That's either "rocking out" or "being stabbed in the stomach by a mugger who wants my gaudy telephone to sell for crack".



Photo taken on a Canon EOS-1Ds Mark II, supplied as a 300dpi 4992 x 3328 JPEG. Photographer had exposure and white balance both set to manual - he knew what he was doing.

A 3.2MB photo of a building with a face

Taken with a Canon EOS 450D. It's come to something when spying on our readers via the EXIF data has become the highlight of the day.

NOTE: It's a side-on face. Untraditional and requires an extra leap of imagination.



"Got a beauty for you here, a building with a face. It's a new theatre which is having some cladding applied, and I caught it just as it looked face-like. Two window eyes, mouth on left and ear on right, kinda looks like he is shouting at the trees over the other side of the road, maybe he hates crows?" - Sam.

Gadgets with FACES #110: A Titan 250GB SATA III SSD

Spotted by a "Brendan" who must be in the process of "speccing up" an almighty "gaming rig". Or perhaps he's just rich. Or maybe he has his own "tech blog" and has just written something proper about it. Could be anything. He might even be the MD of Titan doing a bit of PR on a dull Thursday evening.

Here's the photo before this descends into gay reader fan fiction.



A classic robot, with a slightly feminine parting. "CE" might be a good geek tattoo.

Columbo "lifestyle" woman spotted turning tricks for Audiopro

Brave reader "James" spotted that odd-looking ginger woman from the Columbo update on the web site for Audio Pro.

Of all the ladies we've featured, we never thought it'd be this one we'd end up stalking around cyberspace.



She must be a very cheap stock photo.

The HTC Dash has a really quite appalling camera

Well-meaning reader "KEXP Fan" sent in this photo of his battery purchase, a nice 16-up box o' Walgreen AAAs. The photo, taken with an HTC Dash, isn't ideal. You can literally count the pixels with the naked eye.



Has anyone got a shitter camera than this?

Gadgets with FACES #109: A Rapid Classic 1 stapler

It might be possible to reconstruct a likeness of the photographer by using the reflection in the lower hand grip.



"This fish-like faced gadget has an appetite as big as its mouth. Apparently it doesn't care what it eats as long as it's big, hence the small eyes. The eyes on the side of the head clearly indicate that we are dealing with a herbivore, which makes the enormous mouth a rare feature indeed" - Arend.

AN UNNECESSARY APOLOGY
"Sorry for the horrible quality of the picture. Given the shiny finish it was hard to keep both myself and the fluoresent lights off the picture."

InTechnology partners with The Healthcare Facilities Consortium to deliver Push To Experience into the NHS

Literally no idea whatsoever what that means, but it came with a good photograph (EXIF DATA: Nikon D2X) so is getting some coverage.

InTechnology partners with The Healthcare Facilities Consortium to deliver Push To Experience into the NHS

PTX is ideal for NHS staff

InTechnology has signed a partnership agreement with The Healthcare Facilities Consortium (HFC) for the supply of InTechnology's Push To Experience (PTX) service into the NHS. HFC is a specialist, not-for-profit membership organisation that provides a range of membership benefits as well as software, information and management support services to professionals working in facilities, estates and related functions in the UK health sector. Specifically, InTechnology's PTX service will be available at a discounted rate to HFC members, representing significant savings for healthcare organisations.

Launched by InTechnology at the end of 2008, PTX is a new mobile service designed for remote workers who need to remain in close contact at the touch of a button. A natural successor to traditional 2-way radio (PMR) services, PTX utilises the global GSM network and low-cost handsets to improve coverage and allow everyone using the service to communicate quickly as well as cheaply. PTX incorporates several services in one package, including Push to Talk, Push to Locate and Push to Alert.

PTX is ideal for the NHS and emergency services market where traditionally workers have had to carry several different portable devices, including a mobile phone, radio and other devices. This is no longer necessary because PTX enabled handsets are highly integrated communication devices combining the functionality of a mobile phone with the instant communication of a 2-way radio. PTX also has almost unlimited geographic coverage which makes it a perfect solution for organisations with large field workforces.

"Working with HFC and Focused FM will give us direct access to over 600 healthcare trusts," explains Richard Quine, Director of Product Management for InTechnology. "Their expertise in the health sector is important because any solutions being sold into this vast and complex market need to be tailored and delivered appropriately."

EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES: Andy Lee, CEO of Sipcam Agro USA, Inc. and ADVAN, LLC

We got our first ginger one! Perhaps we should splinter EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES into EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES and GINGER EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES? We'll have to see how it pans out.

He has a very closely shaved rest-of-face.



This was submitted by reader "Thom". We're not particularly happy about readers submitting EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES, to be honest, as it ruins the fun of the chase for us. Only send them in if it's 100% awesome and in high resolution.

Danish feminine hygiene advertisements with FACES #1

This is unlikely to turn into a long-running series.



"This is really disturbing... I'm English, but staying in Denmark for a bit. There's an advert for panty liners on the TV, seemingly in every break, with bumper cars unable to escape the leakproof edge of a panty liner accompanied by the 'circus music'. Oh god. The view in the TV ad is from above. Until seeing this advert I had no idea that the bumper car has a face... sinister, frightening - a car with a face that can't escape from your blood spotted underpants?"



"It's fine. But how did they sell it to the marketing department at Always? And who made the bumper car model? And did they make a giant size panty liner for the photoshoot? Or is it a real panty liner with the 'knicker car' made to scale and photoshopped in?" - Jody.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION AND ANALYSIS
"Also there is no driver - so it seems the bumper car is haunted. A haunted, sinister faced, blood spattered bumper car is is trying to escape from my panties...

"You can see the stamp of the cafe I stole the magazine page from. Hopefully they don't mind a free advert for their place. Maybe a reader will call them and dob me in?"

FIFTY (50) batteries for ONE POUND!

We have a new winner in the who can get the most batteries for £1 competition! First of all it was Sam with 15, but then we remembered we'd actually got 24 last year.

We have both been BLOWN out of THE WATER with this. From a trusted and recognisable brand, too.



"Couldn't help noticing the challenge on bargain batteries. Here's 50 small crap ones I also bought at Poundland, for a pound - that said if they fit my watch I've saved a fortune. How exciting" - MrJolly.



How exciting? Literally VERY EXCITING indeed. Can anyone beat 50? Come on, it's only a quid. You can't begrudge spending a quid on an Idiot Toys update, can you?

What have people from Canon been taking photos of?

Here's a new camera. It's the Canon A480 range. It's "affordable" so we are in no way interested in its features or specifications. Look at it, it's hardly got any buttons at all. Rubbish.

However, we are interested in the demo photograph used to illustrate the LCD screen.



It's the family! This is because "affordable" cameras like the A480 are bought by families and given to the shortest member of the family who is also the most likely to drop it in the bath member of the family.



This is the screen demo photo of the Canon G10. PowerShot G10 users are a tedious bunch who hang around HDR Flickr groups rating each others' photos, photos which they took while going on holiday to a big city alone. Which is a coincidence, as the G10 was nearly the new Idiot Toys camera recently.



People who own the IXUS 980IS hang around on beaches taking secret photos of people through holes they've cut in towels and bags. Definite Next New Camera, especially if it comes with a custom bag with a hole already cut in it.

NEW CATEGORY LAUNCHED
We are officially launching a new category - LCD DEMONSTRATION PHOTOS, in which we look at photos of LCDs and see what demo images the makers are using.

This is the first new idea we've had in 2009, so be gentle. It could catch on. There's really no telling what people like and don't like.

HEROIC MOUSTACHES: Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III, pilot of US Airways Flight 1549

Thanks to many hours spent playing Flight Simulator II on the Commodore Amiga during a spell of unemployment in the 1980s, Chesley was able to ditch a passenger plane on a river without anyone getting their legs mashed up or having their clothes ripped off and their naked bodies dispersed over a ten-mile area.



From some news blog, sent in by a reader called "Jim." We wouldn't expect people with utilitarian, workmanlike names like Jim to spend their days reading gossip blogs, so it was a bit of a surprise.

Be seeing you

Very bad news regarding the most charismatic man ever to be on TV.



When Rolf Harris dies there will be tears.

Hyundai battery MEGA DEAL

Every battery MUST GO!



"Whilst in town yesterday looking to buy some batteries for my ever consuming 360 controller I thought I would check out 'Poundland' and see if I could get a bargain, and I found this monster deal, for only £1."



"The standard pack is 12 batteries, but it seems someone at HQ over christmas, maybe whilst at the office party a bit pissed on WKD, promised to add on another three to help out the British spending public in the credit crunch."



"I've yet to open them up and try them out, they will probably last 5 mins per pair, and I'll be swapping them out whilst getting my ass eaten off by zombies. Maybe this could be a new feature called Battery Megapacks, see who can get the best bargain, as I'm pretty sure this can be beaten" - Sam.

CAN IT BE BEATEN?
Yes, by us, over a year ago.

Gadgets with FACES #108: A "white Darth Vader" electric heater

Here's a thrilling glimpse into the PARTY HARD nature of the life of one of our more socially adept readers. It's almost like you're there. And have friends. And went out on New Year's Eve.



"Hello. So we were in a taxi rank after a fun New Years Eve and we saw this little guy sat on a bench by himself. We soon got chatting and offered him a cigarette - possibly not a great idea with the heat he was generating. Anyway, he accepted. He looks like he has a white Darth Vadar face. Kinda. Perhaps you could make a new category called 'Gadgets that kinda look like they have a white Darth Vadar mask, but otherwise have no 'face', no matter how into pareidolia you are.' Anywho, I'm rambling far too much for 3 low-res phone pics, so I'm out."



"BTW, I was dressed as a cowboy, my friend a knight and his girlfriend Little Bo-Peep. I tried to get a bit of leg, but I didn't want to upset my friend so I hope you're okay with a foot and a bit of thigh. James (Repping the JPAG)" - James.

MOBILE PHONE CAMERA REVIEW
The file's EXIF data shows this was taken with a Sony Ericsson W810i, hence the way the shots are too blurry to identify the make and model of the device or get aroused by the foot and bit of thigh.

ADVERTISEMENT: Idiot Toys is produced on INTEL hardware

*Plays Intel jingle*



But not a Centrino. The one on the left's a Centrino. Lucy's a Core2 Extreme QX9770 with a 12MB cache.




She's a Mac user :((((

Gadgets with FACES #106: Amazing FLESH-EATING sunbeds

Robot designs for Transformers 2 revealed.



"Don't know if I sent this before - my stupid overpriced piece of shit Apple computer won't tell me..."



"Here's some pictures of sun-beds with faces. Does that count? Probably it does. Nearly everything seems to. They appear to be eating people. Usually people in bikinis. Attractive women types..."



"There's also a picture of a careful dentist cleaning it's teeth I think. Like when those little birds go in to clean crocodile mouths after they've eaten a sexy woman or stupid, drunk Australian."



"It's a MegaSun 6800 by the way."



"God knows I looked long and HARD for sexier sunbed pictures featuring the sun-beds which had faces until I stumbled into the Google Images 16 x 16 pixel icon images wasteland. Nothing. Cheers" - Jody.

JODY?
It's the male version of the name. We checked.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #24: A stage prop from Canada

We suspect the submitter is taking advantage of our lack of experience with Canadian stage props to lie about the size of this thing.



"Hello. Here's a set piece from a show I'm working on in Canada. The picture does not show scale, but it's 12 feet tall, shoots flames from it's eyes and vomits soldiers. Cheery for Christmas. Cheers" - Mark.

Gadgets with FACES #105: A Relax ISOMAC coffee machine

Double eyes. White eyes for day, black eyes for sneaking about at night. The huge and extremely sensitive nose is so it can tell the difference between a cappucino and an americano when the operator has forgotten what she was doing.



"I saw this big-nosed, moustachioed coffee machine and thought of you. It has had the word 'Relax' tattooed on its forehead, which I bet it regrets" - Stu.

MOBILE PHONE CAMERA REVIEW
"Photographed on the woeful Nokia 6500 Slide, which, despite having a flash with the same luminescence as a nuclear blast, fails to take decent photos in anything but full daylight."

Can you escape the powerful hold of THE CELL?

Power LEAKING from every poorly-manufactured PORE!



"Our saxophone-playing, animatronic Santa was found DOA when he was pulled from the Xmas carrier bag this year. On opening him up I discovered the reason - his power source was compromised. 3 x AA 'THE CELL"' batteries has become uneven and disfigured in his belly and leaked acid onto his contacts.

"The warnings are fairly run of the mill although I must admit that I was unaware that the clover leaf is the official icon to represent Mercury content. Well, hope things pick up soon as one of my New Year resolutions is to re-order my bookmarks and get rid of the ones which are no longer as funny as they used to be. Cheers!" - John.

The Colombo Phone - and LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY!

The oddest lifestyle photography we've yet seen. Very unusual choice of model, to say the least.



This image was called "Columbo Lifestyle Woman in Chair Coral". That's a very flattering description.



The woman and the phone were never in the same room. We're not even sure that's a real woman.



The product picture on its own works best.

Colombo's Phone - A Design Classic

Heralded as 'the most interesting thing to happen to the domestic telephone since Alexander Graham Bell worked out how to transmit speech telegraphically', the Colombo phones are destined to become design classics. The Colombo Range is a timely antidote to the legion of dull looking home handsets currently available.

All the features you could want on a phone are present and correct - on board answering machine, large phonebook for up to 100 contacts, hands free operation, and a variety of polyphonic ring tones from which to choose.

Homage to the Italian designer, Joe Colombo who created his iconic 'machines for living' in the 1960s, this beautiful range of telephones is the perfect combination of form and function. The contours of the angled handset and the crystal clear inverse display make the Colombo a real pleasure to use as well as to look at.

The Colombo is out now in a striking white, or for the bold a brilliant coral finish.

From: £39.99

EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES: Robert H. Wischnowsky, Chief Information Officer of Bank Rhode Island

Step away from the monitor! This man is stunning.



He's matching his tie to his 'tache. Expert styling.

CONFIRMED: Actual word used in Google word verification system

Reader "Carr" has just emailed in the following actual word.



Did anyone get any good Christmas batteries?

High-definition trouser-based demonstration of Sony's Vaio P

It's so small it fits in a trouser pocket. So clever old Sony, who we've always admired, got a couple of lovelies to ram the new Vaio P into their pockets.

It's a tight fit, but it slipped in nicely after a bit of fumbling.



There's an HD video of the event over on Akihabara News. The man from Sony has a nice goatee. It's a superb presentation. Don't thank us, thank "Aaron" for finding it.

Man claims "highest resolution" battery photo submission

We have just received a 5616 x 3744 photograph of a "POWER" battery, which the EXIF data says was taken by a reader fortunate enough to have a wife that let him spend all of his money on a Canon EOS 5D MKII instead of a new kitchen.



"Boring battery I know, but I think this is the highest resolution pic anyone's submitted!" - David Robinson.

ABOUT DAVID ROBINSON
The EXIF data also contained a link to his web site, which is here. We presume he's OK with us all going there to see if he's taken any photos of nice ladies, as EXIF data is sort of in the public domain.

Giselle Bundchen AND batteries!

Taken from one of those shit blogs which only exist to say thin pretty women are FAT and UGLY, because that seems to be how jokes work in America.

IRONIC CELEBRITY COMMENTARY FOR AMERICAN READERS
"That Giselle Bundchen? Disgusting monster. Wouldn't even LOOK at her, let alone consider kissing that malformed face of hers. Fucking diseased pig. Giraffe-legged mutant. Looks like a man. A man with cancer of the face. Etc etc."



Sent in by man called "Brynaldo" who, quite rightly, suggested that this photograph might interest us.

Apple re-using Specialists :(

Looks like we've already seen all the presentable Apple Specialists. It used this one again in an email about new year deals.



At least we now have a sense of completion.

Cardboard boxes with FACES #5: An Australian GBA box

Has pupils, which, sadly, means this must be an "on purpose."



"I've been sitting on this one for a while, being to lazy to fire up the email client and type some sentences and send it to you. I discovered this one in the beginning on 2007, its the inside of an Australian Game Boy Advance game box. The eyes and the nose holes are partially punched out and then affixed to the other side of the box for support, however the mouth is completely punched out and serves no purpose apart from lightening the package or creating a face. Such dedication to the noble cause of crating faces on boxes" - Phil.

Gadgets with FACES #105: A coffee bean grinding machine

INTERNATIONAL Gadgets with FACES, no less, thanks to this intercontinental sighting from Minnesota easing us back into the face-on-a-thing spotting scene.



"This is a coffee bean roaster. This particular one is located in Golden Valley, Minnesota, and seems to enjoy his job, despite having lost an eye. Or maybe it's a monocle" - Bill.



It's probably a vent for the unprocessed beans to come down. We've just got back from Christmas. The magic's not there yet.

EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES: William J. Casey, Arch Insurance Group Executive Vice President - Northeast Region

Leaning away from the camera, classic sign of insecurity. If you're a shareholder in Arch Insurance Group we'd advise selling ASAP. This buffoon hasn't a clue.



There's a "DEATH FROM ABOVE" tattoo under that suit from his time in Vietnam.

A man's collection of photographs of plug sockets

Yes, there is a man who has a page on his web site about all the different types of plug socket there are in the world. Compared to him we are WAY COOL!

The planet has wasted trillions of pounds by failing to standardise plug formats. If we still had the bloody empire all this confusion could be sorted with a memo to all regional military leaders.



This one's the plug socket that greets electrical appliances in Denmark and Greenland. Imagine seeing that cheery chap beaming out at you every time you go to charge up your mobile!



Australia and New Zealand. Sad. Reminiscent of 'The Scream'.

THAT OTHER LUNATIC

Olav, the man who photographs car number plates

PROMOTIONAL CHRISTMAS: Another mature lady making very little effort

Blogger broke over Christmas, so we weren't able to fully unload our PROMOTIONAL CHRISTMAS work. Here's the last one - it really is the MD of the company in a Santa hat and her red suit jacket.

Hopefully companies will feel able to hire models again in time for Christmas 2009, otherwise it's going to be a long, miserable year with nothing to look forward to.



THE HARD SELL:
"Thanks to the grim economy, troop support is at an all-time low, and many soldiers may not get a holiday package this year. "Thousands of soldiers registered with our Foster-A-Soldier Program may be disappointed if support does not pick up," says Deborah Crane, president of popular troop support program Treats for Troops.

WENGE FLASH: Wenge spotted in ASDA

The National Wenge Association has been working hard! Wenge has gone mainstream, and is now a STAR COLOUR of the latest ASDA furniture range. 2009 - the year of Wenge. Let's paint the town Wenge.



"I was in my local ASDA (yes, I know) today when I noticed this - Wenge on sale!"



"Apparently they have a whole Wenge finish range. Of crap furniture in smashed up boxes."



"If ASDA is selling Wenge, that's it. Wenge isn't cool any more. Kirk (use my first name only please)" - Kirk.

BONUS MOBILE PHONE REVIEW
"Camera is that of a Nokia E71. That's the phone the flash ads have been stuffing down your neck for the last 3 months. Happy New Year. 2010 by the time you publish this, no doubt."

PREVIOUSLY ON WENGE WATCH:

Wenge Tivoli

Sony's Wenge innovation

PROMOTIONAL CHRISTMAS: Santa getting "checked out"

She'll he grabbing his sack and asking him to cough next. Definitely looks the type.



THE OFFICIAL EXPLANATION:
"Jane Sadler, M.D., family medicine physician on the medical staff at Baylor, checks Santa's heart rate during his physical at Baylor University Medical center at Dallas where he was declared fit for duty to make his trip around the world this year."

PROMOTIONAL CHRISTMAS: A lady wearing a nice hat for credit cards

This one's for Wirecard, which is some sort of virtual payments system. Again, the "credit crunch" has meant that instead of full "sexy santa" outfits, all we get this year is a woman in her normal work clothes in a hat.



Use that card to hire some proper models and red skirts next year, Wirecard.