Sony Ericsson's Bluetooth headset range

The promotional photography features a wide range of smiles and expressions. There is an image to suit every occasion.



This one's smiling too much. Way over done 'American Enthusiasm'.



This one's not smiling enough. It's clearly a tough balance to get right.



Too pensive.

"The S500i Flowers is the phone for any fashionista who wants to have the season's freshest look"

What Sony Ericsson means is, it's put some pretty flowers on a phone and released it at the same time as Sex and the City.



We'll have a look out for promotional images. There really ought to be some good ones to accompany a press release this MENTAL:

Sony Ericsson 'S500i Flowers' are in Bloom

Sony Ericsson brings the fashion of the catwalk to the palm of your hand, with the limited edition S500i Flowers handset, available exclusively from The Carphone Warehouse stores from 3rd June 2008.

The S500i Flowers is the phone for any fashionista who wants to have the season's freshest look. Covered in delicate flowers, the new edition from Sony Ericsson is the perfect accessory to compliment the trend of the moment – florals! This season saw the catwalk coming up roses, tulips and even daisies!

What's more, with each purchase exclusively at The Carphone Warehouse, you can expect to receive a selection of limited edition Jemma Kidd Make Up School goodies for nails and eyes worth £16

The handset isn't all about beauty though – it's got the brains to match. With the built-in 2.0 megapixel camera you can make sure you never miss a fashion moment. The digital 4x zoom and screen viewfinder makes capturing memories nice and easy, plus with simple access to the internet you can share your style tips with friends instantly. In just a few steps you can conveniently browse the web wherever you are, or keep up to date with all the latest fashion blogs with office features including email, and picture blogging.

As well as capturing the latest look you can also capture the latest sound. PlayNow allows you to download the hottest new tracks and ringtones in just three clicks, meaning your playlist can be as 'fresh' as your look.

Jemma Kidd, founder of Jemma Kidd Make Up Schools says:

"I'm thrilled to be working with Sony Ericsson as they recognise that fashion and technology are becoming intertwined. I take my mobile everywhere I go and the S500i Flowers is the 'must have' accessory for any summer wardrobe"

With the Sony Ericsson S500i Flowers handset, not only will your shoes match your bag, but you can co-ordinate your phone too!

The return of... Urban Tool!

Amazingly for a company called "Urban Tool," Urban Tool is still going and successfully negotiating terms with its bank to continue operating. Well done, Urban Tool! We didn't miss you since the last time.

Here's a look at the Urban Tool Sportsholster as spotted by reader "Tom." It features what is quite possibly the best AND worst promotional photograph of all time:



THIS:
"Are you about to go jogging or to the gym? But where are you going to put your mobile phone, keys and music player?

"Ultimate carrying concept for outdoor/sports users, the SportHolster from Urban Tool is quite simply the perfect solution for carrying your mobile phone, PDA, Camera, Keys, Money, Wallet, MP3 Player and much more. The SportHolster will sit discreetly under a jacket to offer a secure place for all of your belongings, but looks even better on show.

"The sport holster can be worn comfortably around your shoulders. Through its ergonomic fit it allows unrestricted liberty of action during sport. It´s pockets are made of an elastic material which hold the contents such as mobile phone, money or keys and prevent it from shifting during movement. Integrated into the shoulder strap of the Basic Holster is a concealed retractable key strap, allowing you to have your keys at hand at all times."

"Luxury Bedroom Furniture Specialist Feather & Black Opens New Store in Thurrock"

You know what this means - promotional image of woman in pyjamas! It really is about time we did a spin-off blog only about promotional images.



Or one about women in pyjamas. Or how nice it is to stand on those chunky mats.

Unexpected promotional image joy: The Samaritans

Yes, The Samaritans has a promotional image archive. It features some old men, a variety of logos and one of our most favourite things in the world - a ropey old slapper called Gemma with big old tits. Gemma Bissix. Our second-favourite Gemma.



What is it about Gemmas? They're all super-sized large-chested sex machines. There must've been a top secret government genetic engineering project, called The Gemma Project, that ran for a brief period in 1983. We are only now seeing these awesome Gemmas reaching maturity and entering the mainstream.



Here's one of her on a bed. If everyone got five minutes with her on the bed, we'd imagine The Samaritans would be able to close immediately.



Here's one of an old man being very understanding. Frankly, we'd rather nuzzle Gemma. That would make everything seem instantly OK!



This man's very sweaty. He's probably talking a teenager down off a bridge somewhere in South Wales. It could go either way. And the call is being recorded for training purposes, so he'd better not fuck up.



But that's enough about depression intervention. You should read this moving story about how Gemma rejoined EastEnders this year. It involves amazing scenes of her nearly getting it on with Ian Beale.



Can you guess what's going to happen next?



Yep. She purposefully poured wine on herself. To this day, no one has managed to make a wine spillage look convincing on TV. Anyway. That's probably enough of this. We're dangerously off remit.

WHAT WERE WE GOOGLING WHEN WE FOUND THIS?

"Old man phone"

"Ways to kill self"

"Gemma Bissix hi-res bra"

Promotional image of the weeeek

This one illustrates the moment a father starts to regret taking his idiot son into the family business, as he's only gone and wasted a whole sheet by cutting out the wrong-sized hole AGAIN.



Third time this month. But what can you do? Turf him out on the streets and he'll only start bringing all the local alcoholics back to the family home after closing time again. Of course, it's his mother that really suffers. She must never know. It'd kill her.

They've put wi-fi on buses in Wales

And they have released this promotional photograph to illustrate it.



We don't want to be racist about the Welsh or anything, but we'd imagine the amount of "business" done on coaches between Cardiff and Swansea isn't going to be quite as high as anyone's expecting.



In fact, this may be the biggest lie ever told by a promotional photograph, if our experiences of (1) coach travel and (2) South Wales are anything to go by.

A promotional picture for ladies undergarments

Brings back memories of being about ten years old and finding adverts for tights strangely interesting, without really knowing why.



Still don't really know why. And there's some definite Photoshop work been done to her upper torso.

YOUR MOTOROLA REQUESTS #1

This one goes out to reader "Phil," who asked if Motorola had any promotional photos of raven-haired MILF's buying suspiciously large quantities of pet food while the shop assistant utilises a Motorola bar code scanner to quickly scan the item and ring it through the till.



Yes, Phil, Motorola has exactly the shot you were looking for!

The staggering ineptitude of... "EasiShelf"

24 gold solid carrots, this one. A company called Jay Products has invented the EasiShelf.

It's a small plastic shelf you rather unwisely create by taking your plug socket off the wall and sticking the (fashionable iPod white!) EasiShelf on behind it. Thereby creating a really depressing shelf.



Not only have they made the shameful error of sending out a promotional image in GIF format, they've created that GIF out of really badly resized low-resolution JPEGs. It is error piled upon error!



And here they suggest some of the ways in which you can utilise EasiShelf. It is, if nothing else, an enjoyable glimpse inside the managing director's house.

You'd think Jay Products would be ashamed of this, but no! They sent out a press release about it as if they actually want people to know about their crazy plug shelf idea. There now follows the full EasiShelf press release to conclude out TotalCoverage(TM) of EasiShelf. Enjoy the Random Capitalisations.

Transform any plug socket into a really useful shelf

EasiShelf transforms an electric socket into a really useful shelf.

This handy shelf can be fitted in minutes, and does not require an electrician or the drilling of walls or tiles.

With a shelf size of 160mm x 150mm (app 6"square) it has many uses in both the kitchen, bathroom and around the home

There are three different models ES13/1 for a single 13amp socket / lighting switch , ES13/2 for a twin 13amp socket and SP1 for a Shaver Socket (normally found in Bathrooms).

Now more & more electric Toothbrushes and Shavers being sold recharging is made easy with EasiShelf even if you do not have a shaver Socket

EasiShelf is the ideal place to store mobile telephones,Ipods, and Cameras whilst they are charging. It could equally be used as a shelf to stand a reading lamp on, or even a small radio.

In the kitchen it can help to clear the work surface of oddments, like pills and keys.

View the full range of product models and uses at:
http://www.jayproducts.co.uk/

EasiShelf is available to order from amazon.co.uk £8.99 +pp

For further information please contact:

John Abrahams
Email: (REMOVED TO LIMIT POTENTIAL JAY PRODUCTS ANGER)

LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY CHALLENGER: Fantastic selection of work from Canton

Nothing will beat the staggering photographic works of Parrott, but this collection of promotional pictures from German-based audio manufacturer Canton comes pretty close.



Here's one of a woman looking at some sound. THAT'S how good the speakers are!



What is he thinking? "I can't believe she bought me a FUCKING iPod dock for Christmas" is the best we can come up with.



This is for the benefit of that woman reader who came by here once and left that comment. Maybe one day she will return if we keep up with the homoerotic product photography.



This is for everyone else. This speaker is ideal for leaning on when alone at a party. You can lean on it and smile as if you're having as much fun as everyone else, when, in fact, you'd rather be at home doing blog updates or looking at photos of other people's girlfriends on Facebook.



More delights can be enjoyed over at Canton's site. It shows there's a lot of potential in the European holding scene.

Actually, it would appear that THIS is the greatest promotional photograph of all time

When you see the words "Gemma" and "Atkinson" and "bra launch" pop up in the news feed you simply have to down tools and admire the end results.



It's the best possible combination - simultaneously arousing and also a bit unsettling. It's like getting turned on by the end of Audition. Look to the left, boy! Memorise all you can for when you hit 13.

Here it is again, only this time you can click on it to "make it go bigger."



Now all we need to find is a version you can click on to make them come out of the screen.

Pie company produces the absolute best promotional images of all time

All the other promotional photos we have uploaded were rubbish. This series, for "Pukka Pies" is utterly sensational. We're quite tempted to never update the site again so they stay here at the top, gloriously beaming out joy to the world for years to come.



It's for pies! Companies that make meat pies take promotional photographs too!



The old school management at Pukka Pies would've been wary of this new angle, but the young blood at the company forced through this modern new wave of advertising!



This, gentlemen and possibly one lady, is the best promotional photo of all time. This will never be beaten. It CANNOT be beaten. 100% meaty genius from Pukka Pies.

Dreamy promotional image of the week

She is like a little bird. We would feed her breadcrumbs through the winter. Eventually, she would trust us enough to eat the breadcrumbs right out of our hands!



Then we would grab her and take her inside. The rest of this story is only available to paid subscribers.

PARROT - The new world leader in promotional photography!

The low-profile audio manufacturer has exploded onto the product display scene with this staggering collection of product photography.



There's no messing about here - it's the finest, most ambitious collection of product photography the world has ever seen.



This shot has real depth. She has fire in her eyes. They have scoured the planet to find the very finest holders. Finally, the balance of power in the product display scene has tipped in favour of the Western companies!



Some of the pics are supplied as 40MB CMYK TIFs. These guys know their image shit. They don't know their web hosting acceptable use policies, but they are good at taking emotionally devastating photographs.



This one tells a slightly strange story about a very, very lucky man.



Aspirational power businesswoman. She's off to Brussels to stand up for equality and will not be taking non or nein for an answer.



Just plain old MAN BUSINESS.



Business with an air of sexual tension. This is what it's like when we all get together to discuss future strategy for the development of Idiot Toys.



This one is for the European market.



They can also do serious, utilitarian product photography and have a good knowledge of macro settings.



Yet they also have a sense of humour!



And glamour!



Avant-garde new-wave European holding. This is telling an amazing story. They had a fight. She thought he cheated on her, but that phone number was the number for Isabelle's - the restaurant he'd booked to celebrate their anniversary. He stayed out all night drinking and playing cards. She went home and cried. The next day the Parrot Boombox brought them both back together somehow, so they went into town and got married, then had sex in the church (the sex scenes were very explicit).



And this lot is just the tip of Parrot's sensational product display berg. Enjoy the majestic offerings and hammer their bandwidth until they password protect their genius output and it is lost forever.

Unnatural promotional pose of the week

"In this box is where I keep the trophy clippings of hair"



Their pain radiates from the screen! Neither of them wants to be there, doing that, with each other, wearing those clothes, standing like that, having their photo taken, or even alive.

The worst promotional image EVER

And it's for a Sony product. The Sony Ericsson MBS100 Portable Bluetooth Speaker. Look at the story they are telling. It is a simple story, a story of everyday folk who know how to breakdance and then go breakdancing in the nearest run-down urban environment.



They are no doubt listening to a "bootleg mash-up" the man put together on his home DJ set-up last night.

LIFESTYLE PHOTOGRAPHY FRIDAY: In association with Aristoc Bodytoners

Today is a happy day. We have found an online press resource that contains links to promotional images for tights and underwear makers. It doesn't even require a username or password to stop people like us getting in.



This scene is representing the way Aristoc Bodytoners help shape the legs and bottom. And yes, they have made this model's legs and bottom look like quite the legs and bottom of a model.



High-maintenance pain in the arse bitch alert.



There is physical contact!



Man or woman? Whatever it is, it's having a whale of a time.



And one of the shoes, so you can see the image quality and pixel shape.

THE PRESS RELEASE, WHICH COUNTS AS 'DIRTY TALK' IF YOU'RE INTO THIS SORT OF THING:

ARISTOC BODYTONERS – SMART TIGHTS FOR SMART WOMEN
Autumn/Winter 2007 sees premium British hosiery brand Aristoc re-launch their critically acclaimed Bodytoners range – the future of shape and control hosiery. Real women can now enjoy luxury, comfort and support in their hosiery, gaining confidence to strut like supermodels and make the most of their assets!

Aristoc, the pioneers of the body toning hosiery, have made significant improvements with the development of breakthrough technology. Problem areas have been targeted including the waist, tummy, hips, thighs, bums, legs and all over toning to help smooth lumps and bumps and give the wearer great definition, maximum support and sexy, feminine styling.

The Bodytoners range boasts enhanced comfort with flat finished seams, smoother, sleeker yarns and a silk finish that naturally moisturises the skin during wear.

The revolutionary collection focuses on the following areas to achieve a more toned, sleek and defined figure:

Waist and Tummy Smoother

A smoothing style that is waistband free for ultimate comfort, giving a perfect middle and a svelte finish.

Waist and Thigh Smoother

Smoothing the waist, tummy and thighs for a sexy, comfortable and defined look.

Hourglass Toner

A full upper body smoother that enhances the hips, tummy and waist. The high waist brief sits under the bust to define the waist and allowing the wearer to flaunt her perfect hourglass figure!

Toner Shorts

An essential bum, tum and thigh smoother to be worn beneath that sometimes-unforgiving pencil skirt or skinny jeans!

High Leg and Low Leg Toners

Presenting miraculous shaping for the waist, stomach and legs. The High Leg Toners feature high leg brief with comfortable flat seem for a natural feel while the Low Leg Toners a low leg brief with bottom shaping panels to smooth and lift. Both styles feature a tummy panel for extra control and a graduate compression in the weave to help improve circulation and massage the legs!

Invisible Toner

A truly invisible and ultra discreet miracle worker for all over body shaping. Sheer from waist to toe, the Invisible Toner is set to become your best-kept secret!

Waist Toner

This style will smooth and perform invisible shaping right before your very eyes….just like magic! The Waist Toner creates a beautiful waist definition for a very sexy appearance. Invisible shaping for a visable difference!

Pioneer KURO HD plasma TV

We're doing something on this, as Pioneer went to the effort of putting a really big picture of a fish on its promotional image. The pretty fish really helps distract the eye from the horribly generic black boxiness of the TV.

Although looking into a fish's eyes is not a pleasant experience. Maybe we shouldn't have done something on this.



The KUROs come in those funny plasma screen resolutions we'd better not attempt to say anything about because it'll only be wrong, plus the 42" version has a comical FOUR HDMI sockets. Has anyone in the world even used one yet?

EXCLUSIVE: Microsoft Office 2007 promotional fan movie

Not any old fan, but a green fan that looks quite a bit like a cock with clever laser writing on it that displays a positive Microsoft message!

"MY EXCITING DAY WITH MICROSOFT"
"We sell and build computers where I work. Yesterday, some guy from Microsoft came to train us on the capabilities of Vista, show us a final build and what it can do as well as give us training on M$ Office 2007.

"As a couple of souvenirs we were given a pen and a personal battery operated fan. The fan had the M$ Office logo on it, and it's one of those fans that light up and display messages (ooooooh).

"Being the curious lad that I am I peeked inside the battery compartment and saw... Kingever batteries.

"I attached a photo of the batteries and a small video of the fan. The message that lights up says: Upgrade your customer today."

This is another textbook example of the sort of effort people should put in when sending us emails. Thanks, Jerry. You saved us having to decide what to copy off Gizmodo today.

The new best site in the world ever by miles

This is a site of fake promotional images of business. It's brilliant, and the kind of thing we'd have done if we had (a) friends and (b) a suit. There's a limit to what you can do on your own in a flat with a digital camera.



It's a bit copied from "The Office" but still quite a genius idea for bored people to do.

MORE HERE:
NWYH Stock Image Library