Static non-powered objects with FACES #34: A clasp on a train

The seat table clasp. Often your only source of amusement and entertainment,for an entire four-and-a-half hour train journey, before they invented mobile phones and MP3 players that can do video.



"This funny little face greets me every morning on my commute to work. It opens its mouth when you twist the nose, and seems to be very happy to stare at passengers in a German train all day. It's an electric train, so probably qualifies as a gadget. Oh, just in case there's no EXIF data - crappy old Rollei DR5100" - Dale.

Two gadgets with FACES and a building that also has a face, all of which are in Kuwait

This was a very complex email. It contained a building with a FACE and two gadgets with FACES. We are unsure how to categorise it and as such have thrown all three in one post.

The third photo, of the coffee machine, works better as a Gadget with FACE if you ignore the submitter's "three eyes" suggestion and instead imagine the side screws are a more traditional two eyes.



"Here is my submission for a Building With a Face (multiple faces, really). It's the Fanar (yes) shopping centre in lovely Kuwait. Small eyes, wee button noses and huge mouths."



"Attached is a pic of my iron, also in Kuwait. A happy iron, I think."



"Attached too is a pic of a three-eyed coffee machine in my GM's office. I tried to take a pic of it 'eating' the sachet of delish espresso, but it sucked it out of my fingers, nearly taking the nails off. Incidentally, my GM is deserving of a place in your pantheon of exec types. No moustache, mind you, but a few of the (vaguely criminal-class type) further up the corporate ladder here are moustachioed..." - Andrew.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #29: The McDonald's coffee cup lid

Something doesn't sit right about the idea of McDonald's selling fancy coffee. If you want to be part of the aspirational cafe lifestyle crowd, you surely wouldn't choose McDonald's as the outlet to buy your cinnamon latt-u-cino from, would you?

McDonalds ought to stick to fizzy pop products for children to vomit up in the car home. That's what we think. This country. Gone to the dogs, innit?



"Here's a cup of McDonald's coffee with a face. I wasn't sure which tab position was most face-like so I included three."



"What I like about it is that the curved arrows around the 'nose' look they are outlines for his nostrils."



"I was less fond of drinking from it after noticing the face. I felt uncomfortable, pressing my lips against his" - Aaron.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #28: Part of a wood-powered boiler

Some of our more aggressive stalking readers may know that wood collection and the subsequent burning of said wood to generate free heat is one of the new Idiot Toys in-house hobbies. Nothing beats a bit of well-aged oak.

So we were EXCITED to get sent not only a photo of a wood-burning device, but a photo of a wood-burning device that also has a face.



"I found this a few weeks ago while searching for my potential new vedpanna (wood-powered boiler). It's not very high resolution but I realised that, after publishing those dreadful, blurry, battery pictures, that you are ready to scrape the barrel once more. From 'Raymond Baxter's Stool' or some other nom de plume" - Raymond Baxter's Stool.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #27: The taps in Sainsbury's

Another entry in our series of photographs bravely taken in public toilets. The thrill of being caught! The danger! The heady smell of bleach and urine!



"Talking of 'dribbling piss' here is a smiley happy face from the bogs in Sainsbury's the other day. Why oh why do children wait until the most inconvenient time to need a wee? Oh yeah, just as you are at the checkout" - DarlyB.

WHEN ELSE DO CHILDREN ALWAYS START COMPLAINING ABOUT NEEDING A WEE?
After being in the car boot for 18 hours.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #26: Another hand towel thing

Not as ugly as the Dyson, plus there's a sad whiff of manufactured face about this photo, but still. You've just had an update full of flesh, so here's the inevitable crushing comedown.



"Here's a hand dryer/paper towel dispenser from an office bathroom that looks like it's puking your paper towels out. The great thing is the sensor for the hot air dryer (where the red LED is) is triggered by you putting paper towels into the bin below, so you can use both at once even if you didn't want to" - P.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #22: A euphoric toothbrush holder

He's happy now, safely in the shop, but that smile will be wiped off his face when you stick in that disgusting bit of brown plastic you've had since 1999 that you still put in your mouth in the mistaken belief that it'll make your teeth any cleaner.



"This time it's a toothbrush pot type thing that looks way too pleased with itself. Enjoy(?)" - Bowdie.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #25: A cog or bit of something

No idea what this is. Anyone who ever knew what this was has probably died by now, or is in a home, so it's unlikely we'll ever know. Stupid farmers, littering the landscape with their broken old machines.



"My friend recommended your site to me and said I should send you my "Copper face" picture. Hope you'll like it!" - H.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #24: A stage prop from Canada

We suspect the submitter is taking advantage of our lack of experience with Canadian stage props to lie about the size of this thing.



"Hello. Here's a set piece from a show I'm working on in Canada. The picture does not show scale, but it's 12 feet tall, shoots flames from it's eyes and vomits soldiers. Cheery for Christmas. Cheers" - Mark.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #23: A boy-eating safe

This safe is smiling. The safe has just done something BAD. The safe ought to know not to smile when it's done something bad, as it makes it looks evil.



Submitted by a "Jasper" who said the safe wasn't so happy when it got its face ripped off. Jasper also provided a list of questions to ponder while watching the video of the safe on the BBC:

1) Why is the safe so happy? (although I guess he's just eaten a kid)

2) Where were the keys?

3) Why does that fireman not have safety goggles, yet he can afford a very expensive spreader?

4) What's with the dolphin stretcher for the mite at the end?

Static non-powered objects with FACES #21: The sky at night

The bloody BBC has only gone and jumped on the electrifying things-with-faces bandwagon. It'd better not steal EXECUTIVE MOUSTACHES.

This is Venus, Jupiter and the Moon, coming together in face form to worship Idiot Toys.



"Darren" emailed this in and we decided not to use it as it's fairly irrelevant even in the current climate. But then "Tim" emailed it in as well, so, in the face of overwhelming public interest, we've decided to use it after all.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #20: A bin

Great, adorable face, complete with arms, a big tummy and little wheels for feet. You could give it a name, advertise it on telly and sell it to children. Hopefully this will get picked up by one of the major face picture news aggregator blogs and we'll be swamped with traffic.



"Saw this just as I was about to leave work the other day (another exciting day in IT Support...). I managed to sneak a picture before anyone saw me and labelled me some sorta freak and had me escorted off site in one of those white suits with your arms tied up (again). It looks like it's offering a hug, or am I just looking at it to hard? Anyhow excellent site, never fails to brighten up even the dullest day! Regards, Mark, London, England" - Mark, London, England.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #19: A bit of dry dock in Rotterdam

Anyone fancy doing a bit of dry-docking in Rotterdam?



"This is a block from a dry dock in Rotterdam it was holding up the ship my mate was on. It looks a bit alarmed but then what can you expect when he's holing up 35,000 tons?" - Stoop.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #18: Some modern art

Sent in by a man who's email address doesn't resemble anything like a proper name and even has numbers in it.



"This is a multiple smiley face sculpture I saw in the Grizedale Forest. Looks confident and perky despite being stuck on top of a bloody wet hill in Westmorland. It really was at that angle, as may be evinced by a brief perusal of the surrounding vegetation" - Man With Incomprehensible Email "Handle."

Static non-powered object with FACES #15, #16, #17 & #18

Got sent these from a student who got a bit over-enthusiastic about the idea of living somewhere other than mum and dad's house.



"I recently moved into my university accommodation, and I was struck by the sheer number of things with faces dotted around the flat! Here are four of the finest, I'll send more as they are discovered. From Ben in Wales."



Wonky 1950s robot. Not bad. Fortunately, the last one is better.



It's some ice cube trays on a sink. This suggests the face was purposely created and therefore shouldn't count. Fortunately, the last one is better.



This saves Ben's entire submission. It is the second sensational ironing board with a face we've featured. There must be something about ironing boards. Everyone needs to investigate their ironing boards tonight and report back tomorrow.

Static non-powered objects with faces #14: Petrol cans

Decapitated head containers, for when you need to get the head of an unfortunate prostitute out of the hotel room and into the nearest river.



"Petrol cans in a gas station somewhere between Minneapolis and the casino my wife and I were headed to 'for shits and giggles'. They look like they're from Easter Island or something" - Alex.

Static non-powered objects with faces #13: A New York bin

Another one of our readers has been on a glamorous foriegn holiday. This time is was "Chris" who went to New York. We hope you stocked up on socks and underpants from Gap like all the other tourists, Chris!



Although he called it a "trash can" in his email and said he was "on vacation", so is presumably American and therefore used to the luxury of having a ready supply of cheap Gap socks.

Static non-powered object with FACES #12: A condom machine in Hull

Not a very good face, but the audacity and selfless dedication of taking a photograph of a condom machine in a pub toilet - while in a Northern town for extra menace - has to be rewarded.



"If taps count, surely this counts as well. I'd gone for a piss in a pub toilet in Hull, and it was THERE, just staring at me, mocking my genitals. Apologies for the image quality, it was taken on my phone and I'd 'had a few' (this may also explain why I took a photo of a condom machine in a public toilet to send into a website) - P."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #11: A pre-drugs Amy Winehouse with Ruffles, her faithful guitar

The guitar is happy and innocent, wide-eyed and full of the joys of being famous! Why, just yesterday, an assistant gave him a good old polish, going all the way up and down his shaft numerous times - and evening tightening the nuts at the end!



Imagine it now. Rusty and bent. Sad and scratched to buggery, sitting in the window of Guitar Exchange after it was given to a tramp in exchange for low-grade drugs.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #10: Bilal's brother's cables and electrics bag

King Bilal has returned to reclaim his crown as the only person who gives a toss about the quality of what gets uploaded on this shitbag of a blog any more.

OPENING PREAMBLE
"My big brother left for Turkey this morning for a year (something about his PhD, but most likely it's to do with kebabs. Regardless, you can probably kiss goodbye to any future eleictricty porablems if he starts teaching English there) and left me a bag of 'electronics, seeing as you're the electronics guy. I figured you'd like this kind of stuff'."



"The bag contained two Nokia USB cables and one of those BT screw-in microfilter sockets. I'm not making this up. In return, I've got his car, so I'm not sour. Not one bit. Domestic interactions aside, while attempting to work out the logistics behind sneaking a few heavy bedsheets and pillowcases into his daughter's travel cot (to take away valuable weight for the suitcases. Still not making this up) I noticed a gruesome, ghostly face staring back at me when I reached for the travel cot cover. It's all rather Mario World-esque in appearance, but don't let that put you off, as closer examination reveals each eye to be a side-on silhouette! Better yet, the silhouettes are facing each other!"



"But wait! I'd even go so far as to claim this static, non-powered object sports not only a face, nor even three faces, but an ENTIRE SCENE. Assuming the mouth looks like a table, the face becomes two old men having a game of chess! Alternatively, it could possibly be misconstrued as two old men shagging a headless woman, but no-one in their right mind would think that."

"Remember, that's two old men playing chess. Not the other thing I mentioned. Not even if you tilt your head sideways. It won't work. Actually, if you rotate it 90 degrees and change the table into a leg... Regards, Bilal Sheikh."

CRITICISMS
Thanks, Bilal, but for the first time your text-to-photos ratio is way off. Admittedly there's only so much you can do with a bag, but perhaps an additional photo of the contents could've been used to further break up the lengthy paragraphs? Regardless, this remains a quality submission - 7.5/10.

Static non-powered objects with faces #9: A trailer

The maker of this image did the funny thing where you increasingly zoom in! It turns a good picture into an all-time classic. If only this technique had been around when Andy Warhol was still alive.



Stolen off the internet somewhere. We may as well just turn this site into an RSS feed of Boing Boing.

Static non-powered objects with faces #8: Monsieur Boite Postale

Even has a French goatee. Nostrils. Eyebrows. An embroidered hat. It's all there. This face is no accident!



"'Salut! Je m'appelle Monsieur Boite Postale' - it's all there - mouth, nose, eyes, beauty spot(?). He even has eyebrows which must count for something. The thought that the letters actually get inserted thought those eyebrows makes me feel a little uneasy however. He could be the robotic brother of Bert from Sesame Street. At quite a push. Anyway - you never know when those slow news days might come along do you? Cheers!" - John.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #7: A recycling point

Either a rubbish bin, or a urinal for two very friendly drunk tramps to use at the same time.



"One extremely happy recycling unit. This little fella greets me at every fag break. He appears to be incredibly satisfied with his existence, and bears a striking resemblance to a rabbit. At this very moment he's wishing all of us a very happy weekend!"

THE APOLOGY FOR POOR PHOTO QUALITY:
"Apologies for rudimentary photo quality - Adam."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #6: A shocked old people's home

Let's not even imagine the HORRORS going on inside that make this modern development look so terrified. OK, let's imagine them. Sponge baths. Nudity. Desperation sex. Drugged bumbling. Forgotten trousers. THAT'S ENOUGH. We'll all find out in 40 years time.



"You should REALLY make a 3rd blog about things with faces. You're missing out on a whole new world of non-gadgets with faces, like this surprised looking old folks home I saw - Andy."

OTHER DEADLY RIVAL 'FACES' BLOGS:

Faces in Places (not to be confused with casual sex dating site FiP)

Dave's Flickr faces

Another one

Another one

CONCLUSION:
The market for faces blogs is already at saturation point.

Static non-powered objects with FACES #5: A toilet

A slightly ropey submission, but we like to encourage our more outspoken readers to continually "join in" - so you've made it this time, Haribokart. Even though, if your name didn't vaguely ring a bell from some comments section or or previous update other, it'd probably only be uploaded to the recycling bin.



"While it may not quite be a gadget I did spot this in the ever classy Salisbury branch of Wetherspoons, or 'Spoons' as my friends seem to call it. I quite enjoyed pissing in his mouth! - Haribokart."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #4: A cheese grater

There's no pretending this is a gadget. The last electrical thing this saw was the back end of the steel-forming machine in China that spewed it, and 100,000 of its flimsy brothers, out several months ago.



"Not sure if this is where I send these to. Not even sure if cheese graters are considered gadgets. I like the mohawk hairstyle regardless. Cheers, Tiffanny Stephens."



Yes, this is the place you send everything to. Any sort of quality control or "editorial policy" has long since been dumped.

Static, non-powered objects with faces #3: A man's sister's bag

Robot bag eats keys and loose change.



"Spotted my sister's bag looking very pleased with itself at the weekend. Does this count? Great site. Please don't print my name. Yadda yadda - XXXX XXXXXX."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #2: An ironing board

Face! Head! Ears! Body! Legs! Arms neatly folded by sides! Lovely smart pink striped formal shirt like a city businessman! All it's missing is genitalia.



"Please find attached an ironing board with a face AND LEGS. Apologies for the low res image - Kieran."

Static non-powered objects with FACES #1: A postbox

Hope we're not about to unleash a wave of sick copycat vandalism on the brave red boxes of our nation with this.



"A possible reason why youths sometimes decide to urinate in one after a night out? - Ian."